Have you heard of HR? I’m still trying to get an answer on how many sexual assault settlements I can make before I get suspended. Ten? Twenty?
They’re still trying to figure out the penalty for Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson — he from the $230 million deal — after recently settling 23 such lawsuits. Six games ruled by a retired judge and supporting the NFLPA? A full season, as the NFL seems to be insisting?
In the world we were condemned to, there would be no debate because there would be no work. We’d be fired after one, maybe two. And good relief for good reasons. However, the Browns signed Watson, who already knew his score. Season passes, anyone? How about a quickie – a tailgate massage?
It’s relentlessly crazy out there. This week, New York Gov. Kathy Hochul signed legislation that will replace “prisoner” with “person incarcerated,” reducing rising crime by an estimated zero percent.
In other news, Marshawn Lynch was arrested and charged with drunk driving while driving around the quaint village of Las Vegas at 5:45 a.m. Apparently, Lynch made the math easy for cops when he made his car “undriveable” by hitting curbs.
He was also charged with driving an unregistered vehicle.
Deshaun Watson, Aaron Josefczyk/UPI/Shutterstock
Lynch had a previous 2012 DUI that was reduced to reckless driving pleading, and his license was revoked after a 2008 hit-and-run in Buffalo.
Still, nothing could stop his career as a TD-scoring running back, who contributed to his fame and commercial fortune by grabbing his crotch on a goal. Apparently, those who hired him to star in Subway TV commercials were keen to associate their sandwiches with such a fine fellow.
So did the graduating class of 2020 at Princeton University. In an unfathomably pathetic act of pandering, they chose Lynch to be the keynote speaker for the class day, quoting “Mr. Lynch’s continued professional excellence” and “substantial work in communities alongside his success on the field.
“Our goal was to invite a speaker who embodies the diverse experiences we have shared as a community during our tenure at Princeton; someone whose professional and personal passion reflects the service-oriented and intellectually rigorous core of the university.”
And so the smartest kids in Jersey decided to make fools of themselves. Woke up? You were in a coma.
But it was another “like a week”. As reader Mike “Chef” Soper wrote of Aaron Rodgers, “He doesn’t feel comfortable putting a thoroughly tested vaccine on his body, but he was fine using psychedelic drugs in the same delicate ecosystem. I guess he couldn’t get into the logic classes at Cal.”
Aaron RodgersUSA TODAY Sports
MLB Network on Sunday recognized Vin Scully as a man of unwavering class who put baseball’s best foot forward for 67 years.
Then dismiss class. Back to MLBN’s Rob Manfred-certified overly immodest “Best Bat Flips” that kids should see as the essence of baseball.
YES Editor-in-Chief John Filippelli said this week he plans to bring back Yankees analysts Carlos Beltran and Cameron Maybin from year one — the network’s stab at instant diversity that produced only instant and lasting madness.
“I think you have to be patient with the learning curve,” he told colleague Andrew Marchand. “This isn’t instant coffee where you take your water and put some in it and say, ‘Hey, we have instant coffee, it’s great.’ No, this business is not like that – it takes time.”
He’s right, this isn’t instant coffee. It’s New York. It’s the New York Yankees. Or is YES a developmental league network broadcasting to those who pay to listen to beginner music lessons?
Speaking of New York, how are the Nets selling tickets when the underperforming team is now being infiltrated annually by obscenely overpaid, hapless and disinterested superstars? Guess the Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant co-GM thing is busted.
But is there anyone in the NBA who is happy? Even fewer players earn an average salary of around $8 million for eight or nine months of work. Who wouldn’t be unhappy?
Serena Williams says she’ll wrap it up soon. Vaya con dios, Ms Williams. She’s another that only the media, TV advertisers, and random scene yahoos think we all love.
Serena WilliamsAP
But the sports-loving and right-headed people I’ve met can’t stand them. They don’t settle for a lousy winner and loser, a vulgar tyrant and overly self-proclaimed act whose social activism – I threw a tantrum on the chair in the name of women’s rights! – is both selfish and dubious.
I can’t remember an NFL show where running back Frank Gore played with the Jets until his final season in 2020, when TV and radio voices didn’t laud him as a class. No evidence given, just equal praise at word.
Gore was arrested this week and charged with assaulting his companion. He reportedly dragged her naked by the hair down the hallway of an Atlantic City hotel room.
Yes, as players and team successfully encouraged fans to sing at Memphis Grizzlies games, and with Adam Silver’s indulgence, Gore is said to have “Whooped that Trick!”
Watching the Yankees do the least they can do
To think that they allow wagering on games played by Gleyber Torres.
On Saturday, Torres made the final out in a 1-0 Yankees loss to the Cardinals, batted in the dirt on a 2-0 pitch and then didn’t bother even looking in the direction of first as the ball was still in play. Aaron Boone Baseball – The Least You Can Do Is More Than Enough.
(On the same day, the Mets, playing Buck Showalter Baseball, took a late 6-1 lead against the Braves with a suicide squeeze.)
But for all the wild baserunning mistakes the Yankees made in their 1-0, 13-inning loss in Seattle on Tuesday, the most inexcusable, thoughtless game never hit the “highs.”
In the 12th, with the Mariners’ automatic runner in second, Torres caught a foul pop-up from second base from first base. He then looked around and took a lazy throw towards second where automatic runner Sam Haggerty was standing.
There was no good reason to make that throw. It could only benefit the Mariners. It was absurd – the latest in a long line.
Gleyber Torres wants to end the Yankees’ August 6 loss to the Cardinals. AP
Meanwhile, YES’ “Rah Rah” Ryan Ruocco remained fixated on selling Aaron Judge’s next scheduled at-bat. On Tuesday he admitted the judge would start on the 13th. Don’t touch this dial!
But even when Cameron Maybin tried to tell him there was no way the M’s were going to charge Judge with an automatic runner in second place. And by the time YES returned from commercials, Judge was already on his way to an intentional stroll.
Don’t believe what you see, believe what you are told, continued:
On Saturday against the Braves, the Mets’ Luis Guillorme hit the right of the wall. He made a big turn towards second and then went back to first. On SNY, Gary Cohen twice said Guillorme made the “smart move” by staying put.
But after a replay showed Guillorme not running hard, perhaps in anticipation of a home run, irrelevant rationalizations began:
“Remember,” Cohen said, “he got thrown on the plate last night…so maybe he was a little gun-shy.”
Added Ron Darling: “He was respectful [Ronald] Acuna’s right arm.”
But none of this had to do with Guillorme not running hard. In other words, viewers who know their lunch were served a bad slob sandwich.