Why do we find it difficult to make decisions?
If you asked your friends about one of your worst mistakes, surely indecision would come up? Do you often find it difficult to make decisions, whether it’s choosing a restaurant or more important things? Don’t panic, it happens to everyone. And good news, You can learn to make decisions!
If you tend to be indecisive, you should first figure out where that indecision comes from. In general, the most common factors include:
- There Fear of risk, of failure or consequences.
- There Fear of being dissatisfied. If this is the case for you, you tend to seek approval from your loved ones before making a decision.
- THE Lack of self-confidence and at your own discretion. Yes, when we lack self-confidence, we doubt our ability to make the right decisions.
And that was the main problem I personally faced. My therapist explained to me that my lack of self-confidence (coupled with a certain fear of failure, otherwise it won’t be fun) influenced my decision-making. I was actually in one real vicious circle. I was afraid of failure, so I made few or no decisions (at least not on my own), and then I felt exposed to the things that happened to me. Which inevitably lowered my self-esteem.
The ultimate decision making exercise!
What I really liked about my therapist (who accompanied me for 2 years) was the fact that she gave me a lot of exercises. A bit like homework at each session, she helped me learn, Take a step back and understand my different behaviors. To help me get out of the vicious circle that prevented me from making a decision on my own… She obviously gave me an exercise.
I had to do it for two weeks (the time between two sessions). Write down all the decisions I made every day. This ranged from what I ate for breakfast to more painful decisions, like responding to my toxic ex’s text messages at will. After each decision, a few hours or even a few days, I had to write down whether it was so Zero, not great, good, very good or excellent.
I decided to walk instead of taking the subway? Very good decision because walking promotes the release of dopamine. Did I snooze my alarm four times this morning? Not great, I was tired all day. In short, you get the idea.
At the end of these two weeks and during my next meeting, we debriefed on the decisions made. In hindsight, I realized there was more large list with “good”, “very good” or “excellent” that there was no such thing as “poor” or “not great.” And believe me, you could say I was a bit challenged during this time…
The idea behind this exercise (which anyone can do at home) is to learn to trust your intuition. We stop asking Pierre, Paul and Jacques for their opinions and gradually learn to trust each other. And if we ever make a series of decisions with somewhat bad consequences, I always find it reassuring to tell myself that everything happens for a reason…