DO YOU suffer from an “abandonment wound”? Psychologist reveals 9 ways it can show up in relationships — including dating people you think you can fix
- dr Lalitaa Suglani is a Birmingham licensed psychologist
- Also creates online content on mental health topics and shares it on Instagram
- She spoke about abandonment wounds and how they can show up in relationships
- Among other things, it may show that it stays in miserable relationships out of fear
From being overly eager to please to having trouble trusting your partner’s intentions, a psychologist has identified nine ways an abandonment wound can show up in relationships.
dr Lalitaa Suglani, a Birmingham-based psychologist, shared the information in a post on Instagram, where she has more than 110,000 followers.
In the Post, she said the abandonment wound “often comes from a place where you don’t feel good enough,” which can impact all aspects of our lives, including our relationships.
dr Lalitaa added that it “can start in childhood, where your needs may not have been met in the way you needed them and you’ve internalized a belief in not being good enough that we try to fulfill through behaviors in adult life “.
An abandonment wound can show up in relationships in many ways, according to a psychologist, who listed nine of the possibilities (stock image)
She continued, “It shows in our relationships where we project our childhood need for acceptance.
“We internalize that something is wrong with us and that no one is going to love us, so we try to fit into the relationship to protect ourselves.
dr Lalitaa reveals 9 ways the abandonment wound can show up in relationships
1. When you meet someone you’re interested in, your main concern is “does he like me?” vs if you really care.
2. You stay in relationships even when you’re feeling down because of fear.
3. You personify someone else’s disinterest in you, and the rejection is devastating.
4. You give too much or are overly concerned to please.
5. They will keep trying to connect with an ex even after they’ve made it clear they’re not interested.
6. You date people you think you can fix, save, or rescue and find solace in the role of caregiver because you feel needed.
7. You don’t want to engage in difficult or awkward conversations for fear of upsetting your partner and avoiding conflict or possible rejection.
8. You have trouble trusting your partner’s intentions and fear that they will leave you.
9. You betray yourself by allowing your needs to go unmet in relationships to keep the peace so your partner doesn’t leave.
“Abandoned behavior is a form of anxiety that occurs when a person has a strong fear of losing loved ones.
“People struggling with abandonment wounds experience extreme emotional sensitivity to anything that can trigger rejection, such as feeling unimportant, criticized, misunderstood, offended, excluded, or overlooked.”
Among nine ways the abandonment wound can show up in relationships, the psychologist listed how he cares more about whether someone you’ve met likes you than whether you’re interested in them.
She also listed staying in relationships even when you’re unhappy from fear, and personalizing a person’s lack of interest in you so that it feels like crushing rejection.
People suffering from the abandonment wound may find that they are giving too much or are overly intent on pleasing and will date and find solace with people they believe you can fix, save, or rescue in the role of caregiver because they feel needed.
She also listed continuing to try to connect with an ex, even after they’ve made it clear they’re not interested, as one of the signs.
Another sign is that you don’t want to engage in difficult or awkward conversations for fear of upsetting your partner and avoiding conflict or potential rejection.
And the list went on to outline how people with this problem might have trouble trusting their partner’s intentions and because of this, they feared their partners would leave them.
The final item to be added to the list was that by leaving, people were “betraying” themselves.
This is manifested by leaving your needs unmet in relationships to keep the peace so your partner doesn’t leave.
The psychologist noted that these examples are not limited to romantic partnerships.
according to dr Lalitaa they can also appear in our relationships with friends, family members and work colleagues.
She added that “you can have support to help you get through this.”
dr Lalitaa wrote: “It’s never too late to seek help for this. It starts with self-awareness through understanding and then tools to help you manage your emotions.’
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