Have you ever felt like someone secretly hates you, but without evidence to support your intuition?
Maybe it's a thing of the past!
A New Zealand influencer, “joshfraseryoung”, has gone viral after sharing a series of videos explaining how to identify your “secret haters”.
He has amassed more than 500,000 views on TikTok and 193,000 followers, reports the Chron.
“Knowing these things will open your eyes to what people really think about you. So be careful,” he warned people.
Here are the signs he thinks don't lie… nuanced by a psychologist.
You downplay your successes
The TikToker said that the first thing you should pay attention to is when someone downplays their achievements.
“People who don't like you tend to envy you, especially if you do better than them. So be aware that if one of your loved ones shows signs of jealousy, deep down they want you to fail,” he thinks.
Bayu Prihandito, psychology consultant and life coach, puts things into perspective.
“It's true that envy can lead you to downplay your achievements. However, this behavior is often due to one's own insecurity and not an outright dislike of the person.
“This is a defense mechanism where downplaying your success helps them deal with their feelings of inadequacy,” the psychology consultant added.
They are never the first to make contact
According to the TikToker, people are on their phones 24/7. So if they never contact you or bother to respond to you, there's a good chance they don't like you.
Mr. Prihtandito once again puts the influencer's conclusion into perspective.
“This point is very simplified. While it's true that people who like you will contact you frequently, not doing so doesn't always equate to dislike,” he says.
“Modern life requires juggling multiple responsibilities, and as our attention spans become shorter every day due to things like TikTok, this can lead to unintentional neglect of other aspects of our lives,” he adds.
In this regard, he advises not to draw hasty conclusions.
They are nice to everyone except you
If a person seems nice to everyone but not to you, that is definitely a bad sign, especially if that person invites others to activities but keeps you away from them.
“You have to face the facts: the way people treat you reflects how they feel about you. If someone is nice to others but refuses to be nice to you, it's because they don't like you,” the TikToker argued.
The licensed psychologist explains that this behavior is a clear indication of negative feelings, but is not always a clear aversion.
This attitude can be due to unresolved conflicts or personal problems that have nothing to do with you.
They're trying to outshine you
The TikToker says another telltale sign is that the person is always trying to one-up you and turn everything into a competition.
“You got an A on the psychology test, I got an A+,” the influencer clarified.
Mr. Prihtandito clarifies the problem that this type of attitude poses: “In many cases, this behavior is linked to the person's problems of low self-esteem and the need to validate themselves,” he explains.
They are quick to point out your shortcomings
Similarly, Josh says that if a person doesn't like you, they may be quick to point out your flaws or insecurities.
“People who don’t like you can’t stand putting you in the spotlight, so they do it to belittle you in front of others,” he explains.
Here too, the psychologist points out that it is often a “mirror image” of one’s own insecurities.
“When a person feels uncomfortable with their own mistakes, they may project those feelings onto others. It’s less about hating yourself and more about expressing your inner struggles,” explains the specialist.
They often misinterpret you
After all, they often misinterpret what you say and turn positive into negative.
Josh gave the example of a compliment about their clothes going awry without explanation when the person responds with something like, “What do you mean nice clothes?” I wear them every day.
“Because people who don't like you have a negative perception of you, they often interpret what you say negatively,” says the TikToker.
Commenting on these claims, Mr. Prihtandito stated, “A consistently negative interpretation of your words may be a sign of underlying resentment or personal bias.”
“However, it is also important to take into account your own communication style and the words used, which can contribute to these misunderstandings,” emphasizes the psychologist.