Erika Lust (Stockholm, 46 years old) has been directing and producing films for adults for more than 15 years. But his films have little to do with the mainstream porn that teenagers and young people have access to at increasingly younger ages. With his production company ERIKALUST he tries to “show sex as something natural, demystify stereotypes and promote diversity and mutual pleasure”.
From this perspective, as a director of what she describes as feminist porn – authentic and egalitarian representation of human sexuality without gender stereotypes – the Barcelona-based Swede and mother of two daughters (born 2007 and 2010) created The Porn Conversation. The goal of this non-profit online platform is “to serve as a contact point for parents and educators who want to engage with the topic of pornography with their children and students in an informative and healthy way.” These are free guides and resources for parents, educators and young people, which were created in collaboration with sexologists and social educators. A project that the director presented in April 2023 and which she launched together with her husband Pablo Dobner.
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QUESTIONS. How did the idea of starting The Porn Conversation come about?
ANSWER. I realized that the parents at my daughters' school didn't know how to tell their children what I was doing. Not to mention how to have a conversation about sex and porn. Talking about porn was taboo, even though his children watched it in secret and internalized the messages without further context or explanation. The intent of this platform is to provide tools, guides and advice to have honest and educational conversations about media information surrounding porn.
Q Is mainstream porn a real problem?
R. It is true that much of the pornographic content consumed regularly contains unrealistic stereotypes and sometimes a distorted view of sex, which can affect viewers' perception of sex. It is therefore very important for adults and young people that, in addition to information about the possibilities that the Internet offers in terms of erotic content, they also have good and comprehensive sex education. Furthermore, we must understand that porn is fiction for entertainment and not a realistic representation of what sexual relationships should be like.
Q Do you think parents know the true extent of this problem?
R. Are we generally aware of the extent of the problem of lack of sex education? Young people often access this content because they believe it is the only place they can learn. Here too, the most important thing is to educate ourselves and be ready to start open and honest conversations with our children, far from sexual taboos, so that they know what they can find on these portals and that this material can never replace sexual education .
Q What would be the appropriate age to have this conversation?
R. I always recommend starting the conversation as soon as the young person shows interest in their own sex life. The sooner we try to address this issue through information and education, away from blame and punishment, the easier it will be for young people to make choices that are consistent with their values when it comes to consuming sexual content if this happens.
Q It's very complicated for parents to talk to children about porn. What do you think makes it so difficult?
R. What makes it so difficult is probably the taboos and lack of sexual education in our society. Additionally, many parents may feel uncomfortable or unsafe talking about sex because they themselves have not received adequate sex education and probably don't know where to start. However, it is important to overcome these hurdles and approach the topic openly and without judgment. We must provide accurate information, encourage dialogue, and answer our children's questions honestly and understandingly.
Q How should you deal with this at home?
R. At home, it is crucial to create an environment of trust and openness where our children feel safe talking about sex and pornography. We must educate critically about pornography, explain its differences from real sexual relationships, and promote the importance of consent, respect, and mutual pleasure. As a mother, I have had to face this conversation personally and have always tried to create the atmosphere of trust that I am talking about, so that they can ask me questions and express their concerns without fear of judgment. It's important that we break sexual taboos so that young people can build healthy relationships in the future!
Q What should you consider when starting the conversation?
R. It is important that it takes place in a comfortable, private place with water in case it is necessary during the interview. Also keep in mind that this conversation may require several attempts; or even require multiple conversations as it may be uncomfortable at first. We are not used to talking about sex, and as parents or educators we are not used to educating about sex beyond the possible risks. That's why I recommend a lot of patience, affection and listening.
Q Sex education is not offered in schools and institutes. What would be your suggestion? How do you think it should be?
R. We should responsibly integrate comprehensive sexuality education that covers topics such as consent, body diversity, identity and sexuality, healthy relationships and also pornography. Additionally, it is important that sex education courses are constantly updated to reflect the reality and needs of today's young people.
Q The downloadable materials on its platform are divided by age. What is the key for each of these age groups?
R. Between the ages of 8 and 11, I recommend focusing on privacy, boundaries, and respect for others. Between the ages of 12 and 15, more specific topics can be addressed, such as: B. Consent, communication and the diversity of sexualities, identities, bodies, etc. From the age of 16, it is important to talk to young people about sexuality as a natural and healthy expression and to promote a positive attitude towards consensual sex.
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