Tori Spelling’s ex-husband has shed fascinating light on her fractured relationship with her mother Candy, detailing how the actress ‘craved love’ from her parents for years – but only received ‘conditional’ affection.
The former ‘Beverly Hills 90210’ star, 50, and multimillionaire philanthropist Candy Spelling, 77, have had a notoriously fractious relationship over the years — and relations between the two grew even more strained when Tori’s Hollywood producing father Aaron Spelling broke the bulk of his $600 he left his wife a fortune worth millions, while his daughter inherited only $800,000.
Now Tori’s ex Charlie Shahnaian, 58, has offered a bitingly candid look at the causes of the mother-daughter rift – and painted a heartbreaking picture of the actress’ childhood and her years-long struggle
Speaking exclusively to about the couple’s complicated bond, Charlie, 56, explained that Tori struggled after growing up with a mother who gave “conditional” love.
Tori Spelling, 50, and multimillionaire philanthropist Candy, 77, have had a notoriously fractious relationship over the years
Tori’s ex-husband Charlie Shahnaian claims the star refuses to let her mother control her with money; Pictured together in 2005
Charlie (pictured) explained that Tori only ever received “conditional” love from her mother – and that she ultimately turned to her beloved nanny for affection
He explained, “One would hope that most children would grow up with a parent, especially a mother, who just feels unconditional love.” They can be strict, they can be demanding, they can be difficult to deal with, but you know deep down
“For me, there was conditional love with Candy, and for Tori, it felt like conditional love, too.”
Reflecting on the assumptions people often make about his former wife’s upbringing, the actor – who dated Tori from 2002 to 2005 – continued, “People have an idea of how wonderful her life must have been , especially as a kid.”
“Yes, it was wonderful in a way. “To put snow on the lawn on Christmas morning, to be able to go to the shows your dad created when you dream of being an actor … but it wasn’t warm and fluffy.”
He then revealed how Tori became closer to her nanny Margaret – after whom she reportedly even named her daughter Hattie Margaret.
“She got a lot of love from her nanny, who she was friends with to this day.” [Margaret] died. “When I first met her, she wanted to tell me about it,” he recalls.
“She told me how she slept in her nanny’s room. She had her own huge room, but she crawled into her nanny’s room and slept there.
Charlie continued, “Nanny remained part of the family until Tori left the family.” She was there on Christmas morning and on her birthday they celebrated. That’s what she wanted, just this normal little life.’
The author went on to emphasize that Tori received love from her father, who “really adored” her, saying, “She was just the light of his life and she knew it.” She wasn’t just this unloved child at all.
“There was a great love between her father, her mother who loved her and her nanny. But she felt constrained by a lifestyle and the performance of a lifestyle that she didn’t choose for herself.”
Charlie explained that his former wife “longed” to receive unconditional love from her mother, Candy; pictured in 2022 with Tori’s brother Randy
Pointing out the incorrect assumptions people often make about his former wife’s upbringing, the actor explained that “it wasn’t warm and fuzzy”; pictured together in LA
The author explained that because of her desire to live her life “her way,” Tori was often reluctant to accept financial help from her mother because it often came with “conditions.”
Looking back on how that played out when planning the former couple’s $1 million wedding in 2004, he explained, “Our wedding is a classic example.” The end result was that we cost it over $1 million Hosted a wedding in the mansion with hundreds of guests and a huge orchestra…which wasn’t what we wanted at all.
Charlie dated Tori from 2002 to 2005
“We wanted to get married at this small Malibu winery on a much smaller budget and with fewer people.”
“Little by little we were told that we had to do things the way they wanted to get the parents to support us. But there was a lot of control over the finances and it wasn’t the wedding Tori wanted.”
Charlie praised his ex for making a living since she was 15, when her parents first demanded that she support herself, and explained that she’s “fought to be financially independent” ever since.
Throughout their strained relationship over the years, Candy and Tori’s falling out has become apparent in public interviews — with Candy at one point blaming her daughter’s decision to cut ties with her parents for her husband’s death.
“My daughter decided one day that she wouldn’t talk to my husband, me, and my son, and it’s been like that for the last, oh god, four or five years,” Candy told 94.7 WMAS-FM’s Kellogg Krew in 2009.
“And it was sad. That’s what killed my husband. He just didn’t want to live after that.’
Elsewhere, Tori told People magazine, “I love my mom.” I’ve always loved her [and] No doubt she loves me. There is no feud. We just never got together.’
Candy and Tori’s relationship became even more strained when famed Hollywood producer father Aaron Spelling left most of his $600 million fortune to his wife
Tori and Candy have made great strides in improving their relationship in recent years, pictured in Paris in July 2022
In fact, Candy wrote in her 2013 memoir Candy at Last, “I’m in no way saying I’m the perfect mom now or that I didn’t make mistakes growing up with my kids.” In therapy, I’ve learned to be passive- was aggressive and also had poor communication skills.
“Nevertheless, I also believe that there comes a time when you have to stop blaming your parents. “I’ve learned on my own journey that at some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions and attitudes.”
Over time, Candy slowly developed a relationship with Tori’s children and even helped Tori through financial difficulties in 2016.
In recent years, Candy and Tori seem to have made peace — their Beverly Hills, 90210 alum is reuniting with her brother Randy and their mother to celebrate Candy’s 77th birthday in September.
Charlie revealed he was pleased the couple was making such progress because he knew how “important” it was to Tori.
He explained, “She loved my family.” She loved being a part of it and being accepted and just being taken care of in a way that family takes care of family. That’s what she wanted from her mother.
“I think over the years she’s realized, ‘This is just my mom.’ I can connect with her in a different way.”
Charlie continued, “Both women aren’t very good at fixing compulsions with each other. So seeing them together is a real sign of mature love from Tori.”
Charlie revealed he was pleased the couple was making such progress because he knew how “important” it was to Tori; pictured together in LA
During his time with the Beverly Hills, 90210 star, the actor got a glimpse of the couple’s relationship. pictured left together in LA and right on their honeymoon
It is currently believed that Tori is separated from her husband of 18 years, Dean McDermott. The couple have children together – Liam, 16, Stella, 15, Hattie, 11, Finn, 10 and Beau, six; pictured in 2019
Reflecting on what they must do to avoid falling apart again, Charlie explained, “I think it’s just about accepting how different they are and just loving each other for who they are and not like that , as they would wish for the others.” .
“They obviously love each other. Otherwise they wouldn’t try to get together. You just have to accept each other with all their flaws. Maybe they did.’
He continued, “Maybe part of that is knowing Candy isn’t going to be your typical grandma.” She’s a different type of person. Her name is Candy Spelling and Tori probably understands that.’
The actor admitted he’s developed a little more understanding for Candy over the past few years.
“I don’t know if I still understand her motivations, but I understand that she’s hurt,” he explained.
“I think she’s a woman in a lot of physical pain, she has a terrible back problem and other issues.” She’s always in a lot of physical pain and I think there’s so much emotional pain in her relationship with Tori that she couldn’t help it than to be who she was.”
Candy Spelling has continued her work as an author, multi-millionaire, philanthropist and Broadway producer since the death of her famous spouse.
She recently faced criticism online from followers who claimed she was “vicious” for allowing her daughter and grandchildren to live in an RV.
Tori and her children were pictured in an RV parked on a busy California road
This came after the brood was seen spending time at a motel that charged $100 a night
Tori has made the best of it despite reports of financial difficulties, culminating in the actress taking her five children on an RV vacation
Tori – who recently split from husband Dean McDermott – and her children Liam, 16, Stella, 15, Hattie, 11, Finn, 10, and Beau, 6, were forced to move out of their home after they sustained a massive Accident discovered mold infestation in May.
Earlier this month, they were first pictured in a $100-a-night roadside motel, and now it looks like they’re living in a trailer.
Sharing his thoughts on the claims Candy was asked to support, Charlie explained, “I don’t think it’s the grandmother’s job to step in and say, ‘I disapprove of what you’re doing.’
“See, when her daughter asks for things, that’s a different story. And I don’t know if she’s being asked to do anything other than assume that somehow it’s Candy’s responsibility to do all of that just to intervene and assume they need to be rescued from something they might not be doing.
“I know there are different reports on both sides, but I also know that Tori wants to do things her way.” So if she takes things from Candy, she may not be willing to put them under the rules that apply to accept terms.’