Updated on July 16, 2023 | 12:01
Chris Voss may be a household name as an entrepreneur and the author of influential books like Break the No Barrier: 9 Principles to Negotiate Like Your Life Depends on It. But it’s so much more than just words on a page; Before he found the limelight, Voss was an FBI agent handling the toughest business: kidnapping hostages.
What distinguishes Voss? His perfect blend of communication and emotional intelligence, honed over 24 years as a chief negotiator for the US National Security and Intelligence Service. He summed up his approach to a simple premise: the art of negotiation is knowing how to listen to and understand people.
And the best part? Voss gives us three valuable tips for using emotional intelligence in our conversations. Let’s explore them!
The “Night FM Announcer” technique
Voss calls this the “Night FM Announcer” technique. It’s about the power of a soothing voice to lull you into a cozy sleep on long night drives. The secret? It’s all about the tone soft, slow and relaxing. This relaxed tone triggers a neurochemical response that calms the brain and promotes a sense of calm and clarity in the listener. But it’s a oneway street!
As Voss explained in a 2018 interview, this technique also helps the speaker stay calm and emotionally in control. So next time you get stuck in a tense conversation, try the Night FM Announcer technique!
Mastering the art of active listening
Active listening, which dates back to the American psychologist Carl Rogers and his redefinition of the therapistpatient relationship, is all about understanding the speaker. It’s about quieting your own thoughts and just focusing on the other person’s words with the goal of getting their message across.
But how do you show that you understand? Voss recommends paraphrasing what you hear, but with a twist: make it in the form of a question. This practice does two things: it makes sure you understood correctly, and it gives the speaker reassurance that he or she was heard and understood.
Labeling: The Secret to Understanding Emotions
Finally, Voss introduces us to “labeling”, a technique aimed at identifying and verbalizing the emotions of the interlocutor. By articulating the other person’s feelings, the other person not only feels heard but also understood, resulting in a less defensive response.
For example, during a stressful discussion, instead of simply agreeing with the other person’s frustration, you might say something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really stressed right now.” This shows empathy and understanding.
The conclusion
The power of emotional intelligence lies in our ability to listen, understand, and empathize with others, whether in a conflict or during a sensitive conversation. With Voss techniques we don’t just listen we show that we really listen and put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. So why not try these techniques the next time you’re in a sensitive conversation. You’ll be amazed at how effective they are at relieving tension and promoting understanding.
Since 2014 I have been an editor at the Mistérios do Mundo portal. I am a science lover and am passionate about astronomy, climatology and meteorology.
