Fedez, how are you?
“Good, compared to before. I’m recovering, I lost a lot of blood.”
How much?
“Half the blood I had in my body. The most absurd thing is that I had an overseas flight that morning. If I hadn’t realized what was happening, I would have gotten sick at sea, on a plane to Los Angeles, and I don’t know how it would have turned out.
What does that mean?
“In French? Literally: “I shit blood”. And my blood count was 7 instead of 14. So they intervened urgently to stop the bleeding, cauterize, in short, do everything necessary to stop the ulcers from bleeding. I also had to receive two transfusions: In addition to thanking the doctors, especially Dr. Marco Antonio Zappa, the nurses of Fatebenefratelli who treated me, I would like to thank all the blood donors. As soon as I get my strength back, I would like to do something for Avis and invite others to donate blood. Without these transfusions, I personally wouldn’t be here talking to you.
But then it was bad again.
“I had another problem, an ischemic bleeding in my stomach. So they had to put me back to sleep and intervene again.”
Is there a connection to the intervention in March 2022?
“As I said publicly, due to a tumor, I had to undergo a resection of the head of the pancreas, duodenum, removal of the gallbladder and a piece of intestine: it is possible that where the sutures were made …” that surgical ulcers appeared have formed. But in truth I have had other health problems this summer, so much so that I have lost a lot of kilos in the last few months.
Which problems?
“Basically, many illnesses or disorders are of psychosomatic origin. First the shingles, then severe gastritis due to stress. In short, a general state of health severely weakened by stress.”
Stress? She is a very successful artist. Her 15 million Instagram followers consider her lucky, if not privileged.
“Of course I am aware that I have achieved a privileged position, even more so when I consider that I come from a subaltern working-class family.”
What were his parents doing?
“Dad was a craftsman, then he lost his job and worked as a warehouse clerk. Mother, the employee, she also lost her job, with the severance pay she opened a bar for which she had the license, but not the walls. He sold it. They didn’t pay her any money, and she even got screwed because her driver’s license was revoked because the buyers didn’t pay their debts. I went to art school and an internship at the Pomodoro Foundation was of great help to me, free of course; When Arnaldo Pomodoro arrived, I had to say, rightly out of charity, “Hello Maestro”; I remember this experience as a trauma when they stole my only means of transportation, my scooter.
We talked about stress.
“Stress is a condition that is not related to a person’s social class or money. Just because we are rich doesn’t make us immune to anxiety or emotional stress. In my case, being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the age of 33 is the main reason. And if you think about it, illnesses are like Toto’s level: they’re not in anyone’s face, and they also bring mental health implications that can be really important.
Mental health?
“Yes, after the illness I had serious psychological problems. I had to face them, I still face them. I have no shame or embarrassment to talk about it. I had acute depression and it helped me a lot to listen to other people’s experiences, that is, how others faced or were faced with a bad diagnosis. Do you know why I accepted Francesca Fagnani’s invitation to Belve?
Why?
“Because I wanted to talk about mental health, particularly with young people and those who feel misunderstood.” Mental health is an issue that concerns many young people, both boys and girls. Maybe listening to me would make a person who thinks they’re happy because they have everything feel less alone or say to themselves: Well, then it can really happen to anyone. Finding a reference helped me a lot: when I discovered the disease, I looked for someone who had the same or at least a similar situation as me.”
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WHO?
“When I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I didn’t know anyone who had pancreatic cancer. I did what one does in such cases: I went to Google. And what I read was a death sentence.
Who was he talking to then?
“I came into contact with Gianluca Vialli through mutual acquaintances. I get emotional remembering it. The few interviews he had conducted had managed to raise hopes. Re-reading had helped me not to feel the extreme loneliness of the illness, the extreme injustice of the illness. Illness is not a shame. That’s why I felt the need to tell it in my own way.”
How was the conversation with Vialli?
“We both battled pancreatic cancer and I had to undergo the same surgery as him. It was the first time I cried on the phone with a person I had never met. It was a very powerful thing. Gianluca Vialli was a fantastic person. He was very close to me both before and after the operation.”
How did you find out about his death?
“With deep sadness. And I’ll stop here.
He spoke of beasts.
“For me, for Francesca Fagnani and for the producer Tombolini, it was an extraordinary opportunity to talk about very important issues.” The data shows us that mental health will increasingly be the issue of the future and future generations. And I think there is a need to talk about it. Then I discovered this…how would you define it?
Censorship?
“She said it.”
Let’s say Rai withdrew the invitation.
“Let’s say I wasn’t welcome. They didn’t want me. And they made a statement that I found really unpleasant. Do you know why? Because I was in the hospital, literally dying, with no chance to respond. I also found it particularly negligent on a human level. And then I had learned one thing from Rai: When you go on stage to talk about politicians, Rai doesn’t like it because there is no cross-examination. But even in my case there was no possibility of cross-examination. That’s why I see that it is a one-sided regulation that they only apply when they want to.”
May I ask you how far your illness has progressed? Are you doing chemo?
Anus. Histological examination showed that there were no cancer cells left, but obviously there is no 100% safe drug. For example with regard to relapses. Maybe that’s why I had an acute depression that resulted in a hypomanic attack.”
What does that mean?
“It is hard to explain. This means you completely lose clarity. To treat myself, I started taking psychotropic medications, but sometimes they are not without side effects. To treat the side effects of one drug, they then prescribe another drug, and so on. The result was that I stuttered, trembled and could no longer think clearly. I got to a point where I suddenly had to stop everything, which caused what is known as a rebound effect.
Coma?
“She’s tough. If you are struggling with a depressive state and your mind has become accustomed to pharmacological support, the depressive state will worsen when the medication is no longer available to it. Today I am cared for by a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. I tried lots of things to feel better, even transcranial stimulation.”
How do you work?
“It’s electromagnetic shocks to the brain.”
Are they painful?
“They are not pleasant.”
And do they have an effect?
“There are more authoritative scientific studies than I have…I want to complete an annual cycle before making my decision.”
Was Chiara close to you?
“Chiara is here with me right now” (the voice of Chiara Ferragni can be heard greeting Corriere readers).
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Is everything okay between you?
“I love my wife very much. He was in Paris doing something very important with an international star. I can’t tell you who he is. And Chiara dropped everything and came home for me. It was a huge opportunity for his career.
Did he tell his children Leone and Vittoria the truth?
“I don’t know which path is the right one. We decided not to hide the fact that Dad is in the hospital and that Dad is having problems; After all, it is difficult to hide a twenty centimeter scar on the stomach. Let’s try to sweeten the story. But it wouldn’t make sense to keep them in the dark.”
You and your family live your life in public. Isn’t it difficult?
“In the last few days I realized how right the decision was to tell myself and not to delegate the story of me and my life to anyone. I’ll give you an example: During those ten days in the hospital, I never touched the phone or posted anything on social media; However, there were journalists outside the hospital and I was mentioned in the newspapers every day, although with news that was not always verified.
What news?
“They were wondering about my work and who would replace me on television. They delved into the technical side of my operations without knowing anything about it. But it’s a tendency we call clickbait: you don’t need news, you need a click to increase engagement. You don’t need an article, just a title that generates clicks. Is it really that different than the dynamic on social media? Think about it.”
That’s sometimes true. Some titles announce tragedies and catastrophes, then the content downplays them, but by now the click has begun.
“I experienced that when I disappeared from social media, someone else would invade my life, try to talk about it, and even try to make money from it.” What would you do if you were me? Do you want them to tell the story of your life or others?
I would never have started.
“But I did it now, and also many years ago, when the power of social media was not entirely predictable. However, this is the reason why I decided to talk about my illness, my life, my family: to prevent others from telling the story of my life and ours instead of me.
Look, Fedez, that’s how the Internet works: people search for news, the websites do their job.
“Even newspapers report on the private lives of public figures and dig things up in the most morbid ways. Not just gossip sites, all major online newspapers have these slightly morbid sections, which are perhaps the most popular. And this morbidity is socially accepted when it is done by a newspaper. At this point, I prefer my own morbidity to the morbidity of others.”
When are you returning to XFactor?
“The live shows start on October 26th when I was praying that I would make it. These are crucial days, the blood count has risen to 9, I’m feeling better.”
What were you thinking when you were in the hospital?
“Hospitalization allows you to rearrange your priorities, the illness makes you understand who are the people who are really close to you, who really matter to you.” It is very beautiful to discover these people, and not so beautiful , to discover the absence of others.”
Who are you referring to?
“To no one in particular. Remember one thing: behind the characters are people with their own weaknesses. If I live today in a situation of economic privilege, even some power, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have to suffer while I’m in the hospital and there are people who wish me dead. In fact, it’s very painful.”
I insist: this is how the Internet works. Many love you, some hate you.
“It can happen that you write nonsense. But rejoicing in the death of others, as was the case with Silvio Berlusconi and Michela Murgia, is terrible. It made me sad to discover myself in the game of fantasy death…».
What?
“A kind of fantasy football, but with dead people.” Those who had bet on me in fantasy were hoping to win. That hurt me.”
What else do you have left of these days?
“Ultimately, in certain situations, social background and privileges don’t play a role: we are all human beings. And since I need to find meaning in all of this so that it’s not just pain, I hope that my experiences can help create something beautiful for others, that they can help those who are facing or are facing similar things how I have lived and live”.