Unlike animals, sex in humans has a certain instinct and a lot of culture and society. To prevent this impulse from sinking into worldly affairs, we must strengthen it, dedicate time to it and find space for it.
These, in my opinion, are some sexual tasks for 2024 that aim to alleviate certain deficiencies that most of us can identify with.
Give yourself more time for sex and relationships
It occurs to me that one definition of someone elegant is someone who has a lot of time. Anyone who dances in pairs knows that although beginners run to perform the figures and maintain the rhythm, good dancers have time not only to perform the steps but also to smile and show off their dance. For the latter, the minutes and seconds seem longer, they are relaxed and sure that the watch is not their enemy but their ally; It follows that time has a certain relative dimension depending on how it is managed. So if time is crucial in almost all areas, it is also crucial in sexual matters. And I'm not just referring to what lasts in bed, but also how it's managed before bed; From the moment we meet someone we are attracted to until we manage to be with him/her in a horizontal position.
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Once again, both the inexperienced lover and the dancer begin a crazy race against time to reach their goal. You will run out of time and start making mistakes. He will not bother to spend hours and days getting to know the other person, he will pounce on his prey at the most inopportune moment and, if things don't go well the first time, he will avoid new contacts because he is clumsy will feel. a failure, a loser. Or, on the contrary, he will blame his until recently object of desire, which suddenly finds itself at the antipodes, in the universe of insubstantial things.
Don't think I'm advocating a return to the times of our grandmothers, when courting a lady or paying attention to a gentleman could take months or even years; But I see the way of approaching relationships accelerating and taking on a centrifugal force. There are so many things that need to be done in such a short amount of time that nothing good can come out of this equation; because quality is in contradiction to living with immediacy.
I am sure that the failure of many couples, relationships, affairs and even gray hairs in one night is due to lack of time. There was no time to get to know each other, to delve deeper into each other, to treat them the way they deserved, to wait for them, to surprise them, to design the perfect strategy, to think about it, to dream about it, to enjoy Try it from a distance and then check whether it was actually sweeter, sour or saltier. Many would respond to this argument, “I just don't have time for all that,” and I would respond that, like dancing, we need to practice and practice until we slow down, until time passes more slowly. So basically we're not wasting time, we're gaining it.
See people, not ideological stereotypes
Many will find it difficult to recognize that relationships between men and women have become quite sour in recent years. The term MAN and the term WOMAN, and I write it in capital letters, seem to be experiencing a period of disagreement. They complain, not without reason, that they are demonized by society and that the machismo or misogyny of a few has damaged the reputation of all. “Garrote al machote” is a piece of graffiti I see on a wall near my house. Testosterone, the hormone that is so important for both sexes and is responsible for desire, mood, muscles and bones, among other things, is experiencing its lowest levels.
It is inevitable that when we meet someone we don't know well, we also come across all the stereotypes that surround them. The man, raised in the domain of the man, who at best cannot avoid falling into micro-machismo. The eternally angry woman who denounced the patriarchal dictatorship; but what he wants deep down is the establishment of the matriarchy. Since I am a sexologist, many male acquaintances tell me that they are afraid of dating women, that they have a lot of self-confidence, that they will not harm you and that the law will always be on their side if something happens. Female comments are more diverse and can be divided into two aspects. In general, mature women denounce the machismo that still prevails, they complain that there are no men left, and then, as a 55-year-old friend told me, they hope to “find someone to turn me around.” However, the youngest girls complain that boys no longer suit them and they are the ones who have to make the first move. My advice is always the same: we have to try to move away from these cultural-ideological issues and get to know the people behind them. The crowd is usually hateful, but there are truly fascinating people in it.
Plan spaces and times for sex
When we plan work, time with friends or family and vacations; Why do we find it so difficult to plan dates or sexual encounters? Ivan Burchak (Getty Images)
When we plan work, time with friends or family and vacations; Why do we find it so difficult to plan dates or sexual encounters? The answer to this question is that many people associate sex and pleasure with the spontaneous, the random, the irrational; the emotional that is freed from rules and schedules. Surely you're thinking back to the time you met someone at a bar and ended up having the best sex of your life. “Bah! “When these things are planned this way, they never end well!” whispers the little Puritan devil in our ears who ridicules all our efforts because part of our life is classified as X.
Perhaps we should realize that if our sexual dimension is not as lively as we would like, it is certainly because we do not invest time in it and leave it to chance or to the last place in the ranking of the Things to do afterwards are left to work, administration, social or family interaction or hours in front of the TV and on social networks. We don't fertilize it, we don't water it and then we demand top performance from it when we use it.
A good practice for the next year is to suggest one sexual task per week (whether you're a couple or alone). Something funny, surprising, different. For example, I can think of playing hide-and-seek in one part of the city until you find him, going to the countryside to have a picnic with a happy ending… Let your imagination run wild and ignore the little devil who tells you it's tacky, spoiled, or too old for those things. Deep down inside he feels like he envies him.
If you want to find a partner, you will be the best candidate
Paradoxically, as dating apps multiply and specialize, the difficulty of finding a partner grows. There are so many people ready to find their significant other and so many single people that they see their mating expectations lowering with each passing day! The point is that when we are looking for something, we focus our energy on selecting the best candidates and finding the person who meets our expectations. That is, in everything except ourselves. And we pay little attention to whether what we are offering is tempting or not.
I don't deny that someone looking for companionship should invest some time. However, we should invest our strength in becoming the perfect couple, in becoming better, in improving our sexuality, in achieving that future relationship in an elegant way, without the desperate need for the other that makes us beggars. That would be the best investment because when the other person stands in front of us, he sees someone who is very interesting and not someone inquiring.
They taught us something very important wrong, which the book Interior Space reveals. The Adventure of Being Yourself by Antonio Jorge Larruy (Ediciones Luciérnaga). “Life is not a process of earning, but rather a commitment,” he says. And he continues: “Usually we start from the belief that we are nothing and that the more fulfilled we are, the more we are. When it turns out that it is the other way around, that we already have potential at the beginning and life is not a process of integration but a process of unfolding.” Regarding the topic at hand, the book states: “This attitude of surrender is… “The energetic aspect is perceived fairly clearly, but in other aspects it is not so obvious.” For example, if you want to be in good physical shape, don't think that interacting with elite athletes will make you strong; It is clear that you need to start training in your chosen sport. But this is so obvious, on the emotional level we don't see it so clearly, because on this level we think that we surround ourselves with people who are special to us, with someone who loves us, with nice, beautiful people etc. we will feel happy; And it's not like that. The same rule applies here too: my affectivity grows to the extent that I exercise it. Happiness does not depend on the circumstances in which we find ourselves, but on our ability to exercise affectivity.”
Rita Fullness She is a journalist, sexologist and author of the website RitaReport.net.