Gen Z and Millennials are increasingly disillusioned with “therapeutic talk” that they accuse of promoting selfishness through excessive “boundary setting.”
Laura, a 24yearold, shared how she was hurt and frustrated when a fiveyear friendship ended abruptly. The girlfriend (actually a former girlfriend) justified the decision by saying that she “needed to meet her own needs” and no longer had “emotional space” for friendship.
Laura, who preferred not to reveal her last name, shared that her friend had ended their longtime friendship via text.
The friend wrote: “I’ve gotten to a point where I’m trying to respect my needs and do what feels right in the context of my life and I’m afraid our friendship doesn’t seem to fit that. I can no longer hold the emotional space you wished I had and I think the support you need is beyond what I can offer.”
Laura said the way her friend ended the friendship felt like an “HR memo” and that she expected a more direct and gentle tone. Also, Laura was upset that she didn’t get a chance to reply.
As the terms “selfcare” and “setting boundaries” are increasingly used to justify actions, Laura isn’t the only one questioning the effectiveness of “therapeutic conversations.”
Dr. Arianna Brandolini, a clinical psychologist in New York, caused a stir on TikTok by posting a video on how to end a friendship. In the video, which has been viewed more than 938,000 times, she explained what “should be said” in such a situation.
She acted out the scenario, saying: “I love our friendship time very much, but we go in different directions in life. I no longer have time to invest in our relationship.”
The relationship expert continued, “I understand it can be hard to understand, but I’ve been reevaluating many areas of my life lately, including my ability to be a good friend to you. I just want to be honest and direct so as not to disappoint your expectations. I’m sorry if that sounds painful. I wish you all the love and success.”
However, social media users criticized this form of communication as “painful” and “traumatic”.
One user wrote, “What seems to be missing is an opportunity for reconciliation and relationship repair.”
Another said: “Therapy must teach that not everything has to be said out loud.”
A third added: “This is condescending and meticulously written but so careless of the other person’s feelings which is an odd paradox.”
Many people argue that “therapeutic talks” are onesided and selfish, leaving little room for honest discussion and healthy relationships.