Back in February, Bucs quarterback and possible replicant Tom Brady announced his retirement tell the world that he “needed to focus my time and energy on other things that require my attention.” It was sort of an even less convincing iteration of that “I want to spend more time with my family” sentiment that every famous man throws away when he retires, takes an unofficial sabbatical, or falls out of favor, but doesn’t want to acknowledge any of that bad bits.
As such, it was very easy for the general public to dismiss Brady’s rationale for leaving the NFL, as well as the idea that he was retiring. Do you know how many public layoffs I’ve seen in my life? The day I retire I won’t believe myself. Everything about Brady’s brief stint in retirement smacked of insincerity, especially after Bruce Arians was kicked up and after bizarre tampering allegations against the Dolphins for courting Brady as a player/owner came to light. He never intended to retire.
Perhaps he should have let his family know, because there really were other things that required Brady’s attention for more than 40 days — his wife Gisele Bundchen and the couple’s children. From CNN on Thursday:
“Brady, a seven-time Super Bowl champion quarterback who currently plays for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and his wife Bundchen, a model, are dealing with ‘marital troubles,’ according to a source close to the couple.
“The two are currently ‘living apart,’ another source close to Bummel told CNN.”
This has been in the ether for a while now. After reporting to boot camp with the Bucs, Brady was ghosts on the team for 11 days in what fans like me initially read as a legendary veteran who used some of his punching power to skip boring preseason rituals. But then Ian Rapoport reported over the weekend that Brady went AWOL, not because he just wanted to chill, but because he essentially needed to save his marriage.
“As for his 11-day hiatus, sources say Brady spent most of it with his family at a private resort in the Bahamas to fulfill a promise he made to his wife Gisele mid-retirement, that he would vacation with them in August for the first time in two decades.”
If you don’t see a difference between Brady wanting to relax and Brady flying to the Bahamas to be with his supermodel wife, I have to remind you that incredibly rich people, when they have serious problems, don’t magically turn into unsightly people who hang out in a motel 6. They’re still super hot and still limit themselves to luxurious accommodations even as their lives crumble around them. And this is where I turn to People magazine – which is really the only news source I trust – which quotes a source, possibly by the name of Fisele Mundchen, who says Brady’s wife has made it clear that he is post-season 2022 can no longer play soccer.
“She doesn’t hate that he’s playing football, but she certainly hates how he’s handled his retirement and his return. … He can’t do that again.”
Not content with just living apart, Brady and Bundchen have also hosted small media tours to separately confirm that Brady has sacrificed too much time to be the greatest football player in history and that his family is fed up . Here’s Bundchen to Elle:
“I’ve done my part, that is [to] be there for [Tom]. I moved to Boston and focused on creating a cocoon and loving environment for my children to grow up in and support him and his dreams.”
I mentally add the word “reluctantly” before each verb in this passage. Now I’m a shameless gossip and a happy hater in equal measure, and God knows I’ve spent a lot of time and put a few bucks in the bank screwing up Brady over the last 20 years. But ultimately, what’s going on between him and his wife is less juicy than yet another example of someone in the NFL — be it a player, a coach, or a front-office executive — sabotaging their own life because he refuses to give up this sport. Nobody has ever had more license to quit football than Tom Brady. He has more Super Bowl titles than any other QB. He has over $300 million in career earnings and is poised to nearly double that amount once he joins the Fox broadcast booth after retirement. He was also the NFL’s leading passer last year at 44. So the idea of him playing another year with the Bucs is so common, so common, that it’s really uncomfortable to think about. If King Tom Brady can’t have it all, what chance do you or I have?
On the field, Brady played a lackluster game against Dallas on Sunday night: a game the Bucs won largely because the Cowboys were so terrible. In the postgame interview, NBC’s Melissa Stark did everything she could to give Brady the opportunity to shrug off all the “stuff that’s going on” (her words) and do his whole Man in the Arena routine , but the man just looked f— king exhausted. See for yourself.
He’s got 17 weeks of this thing left and I can’t say he looks looking forward to it. Copying Tom Brady has long been an exercise in stupidity. He has never seen his abilities diminish. The only time he was seriously injured was 15 years ago. When he said he wanted to play until he was 45 (his current age), it felt like an underestimate. But maybe his heart really is NOT in this right now. Perhaps he made a mistake, and perhaps trying to keep both his family and title aspirations intact through five more agonizing months is even more than Tom Brady can handle. More than any human can handle, really. I still see no reason to doubt the man, but I’m not the one whose doubts count here.