On the day of the tragedy, Lis Cashin woke up excited. It was 1983, she was just 13 years old and had been chosen to be a javelin thrower in a school competition. She looked very eligible for a medal.
But that afternoon changed his life forever.
“I went to the launch pad, grabbed the spear, took a deep breath and threw it as hard as I could,” he says.
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At the last moment of the race, the Dart veered right and headed toward her friend Sammy.
“I saw the arrow hit her square in the head, just above her left eye. She stumbled forward and there was a lot of blood.”
Cashin interrupts the report. She swallows as she remembers.
“I fell to my knees with my head in my hands. I couldn’t process what happened.”
Sammy died four days later as a result of the accident.
Lis Cashin has blamed herself for her friend’s death for decades. She was stricken by the tragedy for years and pretended to be fine.
How can one learn to forgive oneself after such an experience?
2 of 3 Lis Cashin was 13 years old when the accident that changed her life happened — Photo: BBC IDEAS
Lis Cashin was 13 when the accident that changed her life happened Photo: BBC IDEAS
The accident made the news in all media. Meanwhile, her family tried to shield her from all the media noise.
But Lis admits that nobody really knew what to do. In the end, she felt like she could only do it on her own.
At that time, Lis had a complicated relationship with her stepfather. On the way home from Sammy’s funeral, he said the victim’s name would never be mentioned at home again.
So Lis didn’t get professional help and couldn’t talk about the effects at home.
posttraumatic stress
Lis developed PTSD, although she wasn’t diagnosed until years later.
PostTraumatic Stress Disorder is a mental condition characterized by recollections of stormy past moments, insomnia, and severe emotional distress.
Adding to the immediate shock, Lis spent decades blaming herself, though investigations concluded Sammy’s death wasn’t her fault.
For a long time, she pretended to be fine when in fact she was going through intense emotional turmoil.
3 of 3 Lis began her trauma therapy at the age of 47 — Photo: BBC IDEAS
Lis began her trauma therapy at the age of 47 — Photo: BBC IDEAS
Lis began her trauma therapy at the age of 47. Gradually he realized that Sammy’s death wasn’t his fault.
“After the therapy it was like a load was lifted from my shoulders. The moment I realized I had done nothing wrong, I also recognized all the pain and suffering that was being created for me,” says Lis.
“I’ve never felt so much pain in a room as when I talk to people about selfforgiveness,” says Marina Cantacuzino, journalist and founder of The Forgiveness Project, a UKbased charity that uses true stories of victims and perpetrators of crime and violence to help people explore ideas about forgiveness and alternatives to revenge.
“It’s much more than talking to people about forgiving others. Selfforgiveness goes to the heart of our identity,” Cantacuzino adds.
“People often go on journeys of selfdiscovery, and Cashin is a really good example. It took decades for her to forgive herself and go further because she realized that she was a child, that it was an accident, that there were adults who did this and must have taken full responsibility for it.” responsibility for what happened,” explains the journalist.
Cashin says that she created these destructive thoughts about herself, that she was evil, and that she should be punished. That was the case for many years.
“When I found that out, my heart opened, I felt selfcompassion and I had to forgive myself for everything I had done to myself for so many years,” Cashin describes.
Research shows that selfforgiveness can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. And it can also improve physical health.
What can you do when you find it difficult to forgive yourself?
Cantacuzino argues that guilt and shame stand in the way of selfforgiveness. This is why it is so important to accept who we are and take a broader perspective on life.
He sets the example when it comes to a drug addict.
“Perhaps you have done much harm to others and yourself. You can broaden your perspective and ask yourself why this happened. Well, because it’s an addiction, a disease. It can change the way you perceive yourself and how your life will change.” Cantacuzino says.
According to the journalist, empathy and compassion are fundamental ingredients in forgiving yourself.
You can do this by examining similar stories from other people. So something fundamental is to develop selfawareness and get to know yourself better.
According to Cantacuzino, “If we don’t know each other, we often make mistakes and cause great harm in the world.”
“Now my daily mission is to practice love and selfcare. I meditate every day. I go out to exercise or enjoy the great outdoors,” says Cashin, who now claims to have support from a large network of friends and family.
It also ensures that you seek professional help when you need it.
“Some people say that forgiveness is selfish, but it’s about making peace with the things you’ve done that you can’t change. Accepting that you are a human being who, like the rest of humanity, can fail,” Cantacuzino concludes.