I dont think Ill ever make peace with it –

“I don’t think I’ll ever make peace with it” – India Desjardins on grieving motherhood

47-year-old author India Desjardins believes she will never be able to come to terms with her unfulfilled desire to become a mother. She spoke about the topic on the podcast Open your game by Marie-Claude Barrette.

“All my life I will try to imagine what it would have been like for my boyfriend and me to have a child. “My boyfriend would have been such a good father,” explained the author of the “Le Journal d’Aurélie Laflamme” series.

“I think there is a big deception in society: women are told that they have time,” complains the author, who has always wanted to be a mother.

India Desjardins was 38 years old when she met her partner Olivier Bernard, also known as Pharmachien. She believed that with him she would be able to realize the dream that she had harbored since childhood: to start a family.

“Towards the end of my 39th birthday, I told him I was ready to have children. When it didn’t work for six months, we were told to move on to fertility.”

Health problems

After three fertility treatments, India Desjardins developed a subclavicular clot.

“I had hormone clots,” she says. I had post-traumatic shock. Every time we talked about having a child, I imagined myself dying. I had to go to therapy.”

“We thought about all the risks: death, paralysis,” she continues. After the blood clot, my arm lost a lot of strength. I’m in constant pain. It’s like death is the least of the worst things. I think the worst thing is having a child and not being able to hold him in your arms.”

India Desjardins even offered her partner a heartbreaking solution: “I told him, ‘Olivier, I love you so much.’ If having children is important to you, let me. Meet someone you can do this with. “He said, ‘Okay, we’re getting married.’

“It was the happiest day of my life”

“Marriage changed the energies in our house because we had experienced so many difficult things regarding fertility,” she breathes. I’m a cliché, but it was the best day of my life.

After considering adoption, the couple settled on the life they were living. Through acceptance work, everything is fine with your dog. “We named him Gustave because we saw that ‘Gustave’ meant ‘support,’” she emphasizes.

In this episode of Ouvre ton jeux, India Desjardins also spoke about her career, her relationship with her father, her difficulties with her former publisher Michel Brûlé – who died in 2021 – and many other topics.