“I have wished for death many times in my life. I was small, I went to bed and prayed that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning because I had found life hard and I couldn’t change that,” said Guylaine Tanguay, at the microphone of Marie-Claude Barrette’s podcast.
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Confident and radiant today, Guylaine Tanguay did not have an easy childhood. The singer’s father was an alcoholic and gambler who eventually caused his family to lose everything. She also grew up with a “dissatisfied and tired” mother, who looked after her as best she could as a child. Just like she did with her two brothers.
dark childhood
“When I was young, I always felt that what I was doing wasn’t right, that it was never enough. I was made that way. I really felt like I wasn’t up to anything except singing,” says the 50-year-old artist.
If singing allowed her to be herself, the darkness returned as soon as she closed her mouth. “Without a microphone I was a different person, I imposed too many restrictions on myself. As a child I didn’t feel important, everything was dark inside.
She reveals that at a young age she “had stopped hoping for luck.” “At some point I decided that life is flat and it’s never going to get any better,” says the country singer.
Eventually she left home because she was tired of making her family happy.
To this day, she regrets not being able to make her father – who was burned to death in a truck accident at the age of 47 – realize that she has forgiven everything he did to her.
found freedom
Guylaine Tanguay understood that when she became a mother at the age of 20, she had to put aside her lack of confidence and her past wounds. “I didn’t want to be a role model for my daughter for what I was. Having a child woke me up. It is the greatest and most beautiful reason to live.”
The separation from his father may have enabled him to take another step on his way to freedom.
“I felt like I was in prison for years. I was locked in with what I had imposed on myself and what our family life had imposed on me over time.
The singer gets emotional as she opens up about meeting Carl, her now husband who is also her manager. “This man has brought me so much in my life, it’s incredible,” she said, wiping away tears.
His value in his eyes, listening, respect, admiration and penchant for happiness make him the perfect person for the mother of three grown daughters.
“I have healed many wounds. I have never loved myself [ni physiquement, ni mon caractère]. I believe happiness creates beauty. Today my smile is more sincere, my eyes shine more. What I see of myself is much nicer.”
decency
To sing
Guylaine Tanguay explains that everything stops when she sings; Worries, fears, stress. Music brings balance to his life. Being successful in her career also helps her feel like she belongs.
“I’m scared of losing what I have: public and industry recognition,” she admits. But just saying what I want to say today, dressing how I want… freedom is such a feeling of well-being!”
- The podcast episode open your game moderated by Marie-Claude Barrette with Guylaine Tanguay is online.