- My husband is six years younger; It doesn't make a big difference, but it often comes up in conversation.
- What bothers me is the way people keep pointing out it or that it's abnormal.
- Although there are cultural and parental differences, I wouldn't change a thing about our marriage.
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They say age is just a number, but when that number goes “against” the social norm, it becomes a regular topic of conversation. As a woman who is almost six years older than my husband, we discuss age constantly and in more ways than I ever imagined possible when I married my spouse.
We met online nine years ago. My first response to his pick-up line was that I was too old for him. He was 22 and I was 27, so I just didn't expect it to work out. Of course, he convinced me to go out with him anyway, and we're still together, two kids later.
Our age difference often comes to light – even in our children
Even though six years doesn't sound like a big difference, it still crops up in our lives all the time. Many of my childhood references come from before his time; I was born in the 80s and he was born in the 90s. He has never played Oregon Trail and I would rather die of dysentery than watch an episode of Dragon Ball Z.
Our children, ages 6 and 4, are also fixated on our age difference. Often – sometimes even multiple times a day – one of them will ask, “Mommy's older than Dad, right?” looking for reassurance, even though they've asked it hundreds of times before.
“Right,” my spouse always replies, giggling. He thinks it's a dig at me and innocently suggests that I'm “old.” At least he thinks it's funny that our kids accidentally troll with their genuine curiosity.
While the questions don't bother me, the idea that it's unusual or unusual bothers me and it makes me a little uncomfortable when I point it out. Plus, I don't feel old, so I don't like the implication that I'm not.
To distract when it comes up, I often joke back and remind him that he's the one who married an old lady. He responds with a big smile, slaps me on the ass, and tells me not to worry because I “still have it.”
In our small town, it's rare for women to date younger men
The age difference is also regularly discussed as a topic of conversation at parties. We live in a small Midwestern town where it's unusual for me to be older than my husband at all, let alone by several years. When it comes up, terms and expressions like “cradle robber,” “cougar,” or “young buck” almost always pop up when it comes to this hot topic. If they're not feeling so creative, they might just say, “Wow. Really?”
I usually just nod and reply, “Yes, really,” while my husband giggles. Some of the comments are actually due to disbelief because I look younger than I actually am. It was a curse as a teenager, but it has since worked in my favor.
My husband also occasionally makes a joking comment about how I'm too good to pass up despite my age, or that he overlooks it because I'm a real catch. Although it sounds like a backhanded compliment, he says it with the trademark grin he gives with every punch line.
While I usually take the teasing in stride—I'm the one who married that joker, after all—there are times when I have to promise him that he won't mind my naturally graying hair or cracking joints.
I also have an aunt and uncle with a similar age difference and they have been married for over 35 years, so my family never shied away from it when we got together. As for my in-laws, if they had any objections, they were kind enough to keep it to themselves.
Our age difference brought out a few things that I didn't expect
But there are other differences that come with the age difference; some feel a little more real. I am one of the oldest parents in our peer group. Those with children the same age as us are my spouse's age or younger. They all graduated the same year as my younger sister or my cousins, years behind me. But other than knowing that I'm older and often have more life experience – and therefore advice – that doesn't really matter. I often think that I'm the only one who even considers my age compared to her age.
The biggest impact our age difference has on our lives is my ability to carry a child. At 31, my husband is still in peak fertility, while at almost 37 I would describe another pregnancy as geriatric. This is one of the main reasons we decided to stop after two children. Sure, we could schedule additional appointments, more scans and blood draws, all while listening to the ticking of my biological clock. But instead we just decided to break up. The risk that my age brings with it is simply not worth it to us. Also, I don’t want to be an “old mom” who doesn’t have the energy to keep up with her kids.
When I married someone younger, I didn't expect this to come up so much, especially considering he's only six years younger than me. There were also some things I didn't expect, like cultural references from childhood and the need to take them into account when planning our family; When we met, I just wasn't thinking that far ahead. However, despite everything, I wouldn't change anything.