The meeting is attended by 20 recovering addicts who take turns telling stories. When it’s time for Olivia to speak and as she relives her lowest point, her voice cracks, the trauma of the memory still painful.
She tells how she woke up on a cold Saturday morning in March 2018 with 36 missed calls from her boss and 11 from her father. Of empty food boxes strewn across the floor and greasy hair taped to the back of her head. She tells how her addiction kept growing until she lost her job. How her distraught dad sent her a heartbreaking text saying, ‘Are you alive?’ Please call me back.’
Luckily she got her life back today. Years of attending meetings like this and working on a 12-step recovery program has transformed the mid-40s from an unreliable person into an articulate, bright woman. “I’m very thankful to be sober,” she tells the group.
Olivia’s life didn’t collapse because she was addicted to alcohol or drugs. It “used” something arguably even more insidious and one that none of us can live without these days: the Internet. On this March morning, she explains, “I’ve been streaming online for 11 days.” Won’t work. I don’t check messages or answer calls.’
Because this is not a meeting of the AA, but of the ITAA – Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous. People here are addicted to every imaginable cyber site, from gambling to Netflix, from porn to shopping, from chat rooms to social media, from online gaming to dating apps. Her addiction has cost her jobs, alienated loved ones, and left her suicidal and shamed.
This is not an AA meeting, this is ITAA – Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous. People here are addicted to every cyber website imaginable, from gambling to Netflix, from porn to shopping, from chat rooms to social media, from online gaming to dating apps (stock image)
Take middle-aged Carmen, who became addicted to internet news after her children left home. Her life was taken up by it, she says, and now describes it as “searching for a solution that would never give me until it occupied my days and nights.”
Or Alex, a 20-something so addicted to social media (certain sites are rarely mentioned because they might prove triggering) that he spent ten hours a day updating “likes.”
“There was no joy, like a gambling addiction, in pulling the lever on a slot machine and watching the numbers go up and down. It’s a need for validation. It’s extreme and painful.’
It’s also deeply ironic, of course, that this meeting, like most of the 100 or so weekly ITAA meetings, takes place online — a “strange paradox, like a meeting of alcoholics in a bar,” agrees David, one of ITAA’s three founding members . “But I think it says a lot about what our program is about.”
The Internet is an invaluable tool, he explains. It’s how we use it that becomes problematic. “It’s similar to people with an overeating.” It’s not that food is bad. “Certain patterns of behavior trigger an addiction cycle that can be destructive.”
Four here tonight are British, the rest American, Canadian and Mexican, and most have subscribed to ITAA’s 12-step program – similar to that used by Alcoholics Anonymous – which involves accepting “powerlessness” in the face of addiction and to make amends for wrongdoing and submit to a “higher power” to restore “sanity.”
It is of course also deeply ironic that this meeting, like most of the 100 or so weekly ITAA meetings, takes place online (stock image)
The same promise of anonymity applies, and reporting of what happens in meetings is usually strictly prohibited. The women and men here tonight (it’s an equal mix) have all agreed to my presence here in the hope that this will help raise awareness of internet addiction and the help available.
Parallels have long been drawn between the Internet and addictive substances. As early as 1998, a study in the journal Cyber Psychology and Behavior found that “some online users become Internet addicts, resulting in academic, social, and professional impairments.”
Recently, Dr. Anna Lembke, renowned professor of psychiatry and addiction medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, calls smartphones “the modern hypodermic needles”.
However, the World Health Organization has not yet recognized internet addiction as a disease. This is partly because experts disagree on whether the internet itself is addictive or whether it is merely the vehicle for other addictions such as gambling, shopping or pornography.
“More research needs to be done,” says Dr. Rachael Kent, Lecturer in Digital Economics and Social Education at King’s College London and author of The Digital Health Self.
“Your brain responds differently to being stimulated by regular, personalized content on TikTok than, for example, on Amazon, where you might get product recommendations but not see short video content that changes every 15 to 30 seconds.” that TikTok is more addictive.”
However, she has no doubt that people of all ages and demographics experience “compulsions toward technology” that “are similar to established addictions such as drugs, alcohol, food, sex or gambling.”
The symptoms can be devastating and are linked to myriad medical conditions, from an increased risk of obesity and insomnia to suicidal thoughts.
So where is the turning point? Many of us eventually blame ourselves for being online too long, and a 2021 Ofcom survey found we typically check our smartphone every 12 minutes. At what point do we cross the line between online enthusiasts and powerless addicts? Should we all seek help?
The warning signs for Dr. Kent describes using online activity as a “pacifier for trauma, stress, or anxiety” and experiencing withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety when disconnected from devices.
Parallels have long been drawn between the Internet and addictive substances. As early as 1998, a study in the journal Cyber Psychology and Behavior found that “some online users become Internet addicts, resulting in academic, social, and professional impairments” (stock image)
“Maybe you’re uncomfortable eating dinner with friends and drawn to your social media feed as a lonely escapist tool. Or you look at news sites to avoid commitments in your own life, such as Like cleaning your house or making a phone call you don’t want.
For David, the criterion for a “full-fledged addiction” is that the Internet becomes a “source of suffering.”
An American in his early 30s with a successful career in various creative fields, he began watching online videos compulsively in college. Every free minute was filled with podcasts, online articles, research, and TV shows. “Every waking moment I needed to see information pouring through me.”
He believes his “painful” addiction was an attempt to numb a childhood trauma he’s reluctant to reveal. But even at its peak, he wasn’t sure if his online obsession was a legitimate addiction: He watched too many videos – he was hardly addicted to heroin.
When he looked for a treatment for “internet addiction,” he found nothing but a few intensive care rehabilitation clinics in South Korea (where internet addiction is considered the number one health problem in children), and felt “very alone.”
In 2017, David started an online support group for gambling addicts after oversleeping his own birthday party after a late night binge. It cured him of his gambling addiction but not the rest of his online usage.
Therefore, in June of the same year, he and two other members of the gaming group founded ITAA. Face-to-face meetings also take place, including in London and Oxford. Because it’s anonymous, the organization’s membership isn’t quantifiable, but David estimates membership is “roughly doubling every year” and there are probably thousands of active members.
Initially, David, who is not religious, was reluctant to follow the 12 steps, which have a spiritual tone and are usually worked through with a sponsor (a volunteer mentor with established sobriety). However, he now believes that it is no longer about belief, but rather about accepting that addiction is a physiological problem that we cannot control.
The World Health Organization has not yet recognized internet addiction as a disease. This is partly because experts disagree on whether the internet itself is addictive or if it is merely the vehicle for other addictions (stock image)
Charlotte certainly felt powerless in the face of her compulsive internet streaming that had “taken over” her life. “I had to watch for days without attending to basic needs like eating, sleeping and showering,” says the 30-year-old administrative assistant from Cambridge. “If I were sad, I would watch something funny, but I might also look forward to the news or a documentary.” The term binge is used lightly. For me it was about wanting to stop watching but not being able to.”
Her addiction escalated at university when she put off her plans to study or meet friends to watch a five-minute YouTube clip — and 48 hours later I was still on YouTube.
“I felt so much shame and anger – that I must be a bad, lazy person.” I’ve always been an achiever and I couldn’t understand why I did it. I was isolated. I was scaly.’
She became depressed when she was 18 and isn’t sure if that was a result of the addiction or a cause. Either way, “it was a kind of numbing, a hateful form of self-harm.” Her addiction was so severe that she graduated from college a year late. When she got a job, she streamed content from her office’s cleaning closet.
“Overnight I would binge drink and go to work sleepless or call in sick.”
In desperation, she stumbled across ITAA at 3am one morning in 2020. Today she has been “sober” for two years and still attends weekly meetings.
Like most ITAA members, Charlotte made many conventional attempts to curb her internet use before she found the group, such as setting a timer or trying to only watch TV on weekends.
“I was desperate. I had reached the point where I was having suicidal thoughts. “Watching TV online was the closest thing to life.”
After joining ITAA, Charlotte realized that abstinence, not moderation, was the only solution. “It means I can’t even watch a movie.” That made me angry and scared.’ She says the withdrawal came with “physically painful cravings.” I was sweating and shaking and couldn’t think of anything else.
A year after joining ITAA, she relapsed, quit her job, and eventually confessed her addiction to her parents, who were “surprised because I hid it so well,” she recalls. The revelation moved her father to tears. “He said ‘Come home with me’ and I packed my bag and left my devices.” I planned to stay for three days and I ended up staying there for a year and a half.”
For some members, internet addiction culminates not in a crisis but in the devastating realization that real life has slipped away (stock image)
Some attendees at the gathering, such as Nicola, a well-spoken Brit who has been sober from “all social media, gaming and fun video content” for 11 months, wished they had another addiction so they could be taken seriously. “I remember reading about online gambling addicts in 2007 and thinking if I got addicted to gambling, maybe I could get help,” she says, wryly admitting that while she tried to place a few bets, she did but didn’t enjoy it very much’.
Her habit is not “dramatic like other addictions,” she adds. She just felt “grey and alone”.
“Every day I would get up and say, ‘I’ll just check my email and social media and I have a plan to do something else.’ But in the evening I would still sit there. It has cost me so much of my life.’
For some members, internet addiction culminates not in a crisis but in the devastating realization that real life has slipped away.
Barbara, a middle-aged woman who has now been sober for 18 months, recalls being late for her wedding dinner in 2021 because she was glued to her computer. “I asked myself: Who did this? That wasn’t who I am. Not the mother that I am.’
Research varies as to whether some people are genetically predisposed to addiction. Certainly, Louisa, now in her 60s, could easily have become addicted to television as a child if her mother hadn’t discouraged her.
“My mother thought there was something wrong with me.” She devised a plan to control my television use. I’m so thankful for that.’
However, when she left the house, “all bets were void.” Later, with the advent of streaming, “I made a habit of using whatever time I had available to watch and skipping sleep until 2 or 3 am.” I don’t want my tombstone to read, “She watched a lot of TV.”
Her attempts to seek help were sometimes met with incredulity. It seems that so many of us are addicted to screens, or at least unwilling to question how we use them. “A lot of my family and friends use technology compulsively, so I find that uncomfortable.” [for them]”Louis says. When asked, she explains to her loved ones: “I couldn’t stop.” [using the internet] and it kept me from the things that mattered most to me.
As with eating disorders, giving up the object completely is impossible with this addiction. So what does internet sobriety actually mean for a recovering addict?
I’ve been told that the goal for ITAA members is to avoid “bottom lines” – websites that trigger compulsive use. “My bottom line includes entertainment videos, all social media for personal use, forums like Reddit, pornography, video games, and dating apps,” says David. ‘I don’t use the internet for entertainment or curiosity. I use it for work.’
Charlotte adds, “When I go online, I have a reason and I wrote it down.” Alex says a “recovery win” means checking your email twice a day at set times.
The fight, everyone agrees, is worth it. Alex describes the joy of today’s waterfront hike — “being able to breathe fresh air and be sober” — while Katie raves about the thrill of going for a walk without even realizing she’s forgotten her phone.
Olivia recalls speaking to a woman yesterday, in which she admitted she hadn’t watched anything online. “She asked, ‘What are you doing?’ and I said, “I play the piano.” I danced salsa. “I lie down in the dark and close my eyes when I’m tired.” “My life is so much better.”
All names have been changed.