More than six years ago, Amber Heard mocked her ‘big baby’ husband Johnny Depp and urged him to tell the world he was a victim of abuse.
To say that he was a husband beaten by his wife and see who would believe him. This week in court he held up his right hand and did just that.
Not to swear an oath, but to show the damage to one of his fingers. The actor claims the lid was severed after Heard threw a second bottle of vodka at him after the first missed.
“He’s mutilated,” he said, his little fingers splayed out like a starfish, and the middle one actually looked like a passing crab had snapped off the tip.
After the incident, which took place in Australia in 2015, Depp became the predictably Deppesque, using the pump stump as a handy brush and writing on walls, lampshades and mirrors in a frenzy.
As the blood ‘dried up’, Johnny, who claimed he had suffered shock and a nervous breakdown, dipped the stump in some paint and continued writing; Words, words, words.
Today he’s not sure what they were, but witnesses at the scene claimed they still make more sense than some paragraphs in Culture Minister Nadine Dorries’ latest novel.
Actress Amber Heard speaks with her legal team during her ex-husband Johnny Depp’s libel trial against her at the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse in Fairfax, Virginia
And there were drawings too. One of Miss Heard’s attorneys suggested that Depp had also obscenely defaced an artwork during this creative splurge, which he denied.
“Drawing a penis on a painting wasn’t the first thing that came to mind,” he said, but unless you’re a Westminster MP who’s upset that the porn channels have been blocked, when is that ever the case .
Anyway, Depp suggested, maybe Miss Heard was the real culprit? Everyone looked confused. Amber has her flaws, but was she really an organ-smearing gorgon?
Maybe she liked doing that afterwards – no, stop it. Let’s never talk about the sheets again, please. But no.
On Thursday, one of Depp’s former bodyguards testified that Miss Heard told him the unspeakable incident was a hoax that — is that appropriate? – backfired.
Oh my god, this exam. How are any of us supposed to survive this? After 12 days of evidence in a case expected to run through the end of May, we know more about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s marriage than is entirely sane or wise.
Here they are, these beautiful people whose lives together have been lived on a pirate board of manipulation and petty cruelty.
Two lovebirds ripping off each other’s wings amidst a volley of tossed bottles, cans, lighters and insults.
They were a golden couple, blessed with looks, talent and wealth; a couple who should have everything but have nothing, not even peace of mind.
Every day they line up in Fairfax County Circuit Court for showtime; Amber with her buttery hair styled in everything from milkmaid braids to subtle buns.
Johnny, in his three-piece suits and resin-framed glasses, rolls his own cigarillos and jokes with the court photographer. No wonder he’s a chipper.
U.S. actor Johnny Depp watches the return of the jury after a break during the $50 million Depp vs. Heard libel trial April 28 in Fairfax County Circuit Court in Fairfax, Virginia
Earlier in the week, a forensic psychologist hired by his team – who examined Miss Heard for 12 hours – testified that she believed Amber didn’t have the PTSD she claims is a legacy of her broken marriage.
Worse, the glamorous Dr. Curry said Heard “grossly” exaggerated her symptoms. “There’s a simulation scale on the objective scale of trauma, and Amber Heard was in the 98th percentile, which means she had engaged in gross dishonesty and gross exaggeration,” she said tersely.
Amber was busy scribbling another of her sticky notes. It was probably something scholarly and important, but I like to think it was simply called BITCH.
More damage on Thursday. Heard’s diligently cultivated credibility as a philanthropist took a hit when it was claimed she failed to donate her £5.6million divorce settlement to charity as promised.
She had apparently only donated £1million – and much of that appeared to have come from her ex-boyfriend, squillionaire Elon Musk.
According to Terence Dougherty, the chief operating officer of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), the recipient of Amber’s “generosity”, £400,000 came from a Vanguard fund linked to Musk.
Her contributions dried up by 2019, and Dougherty told the court the ACLU “learned she was experiencing financial difficulties.”
Heard looked particularly uncomfortable here, squirming in her chair as if she had indigestion. Interestingly, how does this relate to her affidavit during Depp’s UK defamation trial in 2020?
Testifying in July of that year, she said, “I remained financially independent of him the entire time we were together, and the entire amount of my divorce settlement was donated to charity.”
Judge Andrew Nicol, who ruled against Depp, commented that “donating the £5.6million to charity is hardly the act you would expect a gold digger to do”.
As a matter of fact! Back in Virginia, Heard’s attorney, Elaine Bredehoft, got bogged down with muffins (don’t ask) and repeatedly questioned witnesses — including three police officers and a bouncer — if they saw any signs of injury on their client.
When everyone said they didn’t, she questioned them about the bruises, which were covered in makeup. “Did she wear concealer?” she asked.
But since Heard was starting divorce proceedings and a restraining order against her husband, why would or should she cover up any visible signs of injury, particularly from cops?
Elsewhere, we got a glimpse into Hollywood’s powerhouses, with agents, lawyers and executives giving testimony.
Depp’s former agent Christian Carino, who was once engaged to Lady Gaga, beamed bored from his kitchen. Business manager Edward White balked when Heard’s lawyer tried to make something of his £560 an hour.
Oh the irony. Pot, Kettle, Black Amex. The staff crowded into the small courtyard delivered a pie of life.
Actor Johnny Depp testifies April 20 during a courtroom hearing at Fairfax County Circuit Court in Fairfax
First there was Depp and Heard, who still had an air of charisma about them. Then their lawyers, smooth as seals.
Then the fans and the Gogglers in their fleeces and leggings and scrunchies, faces flushed with queasy excitement.
Every day outside the court, a young woman named Andrea came with her llamas for emotional support, with “Justice for Johnny” signs around her neck.
“I thought they would cheer him up,” Andrea told the Law & Crime Network. It has come to this.
Johnny and Amber have ended up here, in this provincial courthouse in Virginia, unable to hold on to the scraps of what they once loved about each other. And what we heard this week!
You would make a llama blush. A thousand angry sticky notes won’t wash away those sins.
For Johnny Depp, we are at a magical moment in the process when the sun balances at the edge of the world and a rosy light descends.
His legal team closed his case yesterday. On Monday, Miss Heard will present her side of the story and the case will have a different face. One that doesn’t pull punches, so to speak. One of a distinctly amber hue.