Comedian Jerrod Carmichael shares his public life on his new HBO special Rothaniel, which premieres Friday night.
Details emerge in Rothaniel, the comedian, who will be hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend, as he shares stories about his family history, including one that recalled the moment he caught his father cheating on his mother, and the feelings that came with holding on to that mystery.
“I don’t know if I would have said anything if I had had the courage, because I just saw this mystery as something that could have torn our family apart,” he says, adding that he later got his father involved to tell his mother truth. Reflecting on the event led Carmichael to share the internal conflicts he had to face.
“Once that was done, I felt like a liar alone because I had a secret,” he says. “One that I have withheld from my mother and father, my family, my friends and all of you. Professional, personal. And the secret is that I’m gay.”
After a brief pause, the audience erupts in cheers, leaving Carmichael to express his gratitude. “It means a lot. I accept love, I really appreciate love. My kind of ego wants to rebel against it,” he says.
“I’ve rebelled against it my whole life. I never thought I’d come out. I didn’t think I would ever come out,” he explains. “Probably at many points I thought I’d rather die than face the truth, actually tell people. Because I know it changes some people’s perception of me. I can’t control that.”
Carmichael later considers coming out to his friends, even sharing his best friend’s hilarious reaction, saying he “felt he was tricked into having a gay best friend.”
He later reflects on his family’s reactions, including his brother and parents, and admits he “hid it” from his mother because he was “afraid her reaction would be to just walk in with it.” He recalls his mother telling him, “I can’t stand against Jesus,” and says she’s “tried to accept it” ever since.
In a teaser released ahead of the special, Carmichael said he wanted the conversation to focus on mysteries: “I’ve been trying to be very honest because my whole life has been shrouded in mystery and I figured the only way I didn’t try it was the truth.”
Rothaniel was recorded at the Blue Note Jazz Club in New York City in February. Bo Burnham directed while Carmichael, Burnham, Eli Bush, Matthew Vaughan and Josh Senior Executive produced.
It is Carmichael’s third HBO stand-up comedy special, having made his HBO debut in 2014 with Jerrod Carmichael: Love at the Store. The special was followed in 2017 by Jerrod Carmichael: 8. In 2019, Carmichael premiered the two-part video diary Home Videos and Sermon on the Mount on HBO.
Rothaniel debuts on HBO Friday at 9:00 p.m. ET / 6:00 p.m. PT and is available to stream on HBO Max.