Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel lamented the pending possible arrest of Donald Trump for campaign finance violations, which will remain unclear as they are now on hiatus. The grand jury’s two-week break “leaks us like Trump tried to do with Mike Pence,” Kimmel quipped. “But that’s a different charge, I think.”
Trump, meanwhile, has attempted to woo the anonymous jury by posting on Truth Social, “I’VE GAINED SUCH RESPECT FOR THIS GRAND JURY.”
“And I’m telling you, if that isn’t the saddest thing I’ve ever read,” Kimmel said. “The great and powerful Donald Trump kissing weakly on the ass of people he will never meet in the last desperate hope that somehow he could flatter them just enough to let him off the hook. I haven’t seen anything this pathetic since he asked Stormy to hit him with a Forbes magazine.”
Earlier this week it was reported that the grand jury would call David Pecker, editor of the National Enquirer tabloid and longtime Trump aide, to be the final witness on the stand. “Which is kind of poetic when you think about it,” Kimmel said. “This started with a hack and now it could end with one.”
Stephen Colbert
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert reported on another grand jury that ordered Mike Pence to testify about Trump’s actions on Jan. 6, and specifically what Trump said to Pence to convince him to overthrow the 2020 election. It was previously reported that the ex-President told Pence, “You can either go down in history as a patriot or you can go down in history as a wimp.”
“To which Pence replied, What is that?” Colbert joked.
“One reason this case may never get to court is that America may cease to exist,” Colbert continued, as congressional Republicans refuse to raise the debt ceiling and risk a June 5 deadline to do so to avoid a “catastrophic default”.
“Well, I’m sure that’s not good, but aren’t we all a bit disastrous at this point?” Colbert mused. “If you want to get our attention at this point, you have to do more. You need something scarier than a catastrophic failure, like gonorrhea-geddon or Please Welcome Kanye West.”
Biden has proposed a budget that was met with crickets from House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who sent the president a “loan note” on Tuesday claiming, “With each passing day, I’m incredibly concerned that you’re already putting one.” fragile economy at risk.”
“No, you’re not,” said Colbert. “You know how I know you’re not worried? Because you have expressed your concern in the slowest possible form of communication, a letter. It’s like saying, “Oh no! The house is burning. Quick, someone hire a barbershop quartet to tell the fire department!’”
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Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers relished Trump’s attacks on his main rival for the GOP nomination, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis. In an interview with Fox’s Sean Hannity, Trump claimed DeSantis asked for his assistance in 2018 and that if he hadn’t given it, DeSantis “would now be working at either a pizza joint or a law firm.”
“You know Trump is a New Yorker because the only two jobs he can think of are pizza restaurant and law firm,” Meyers joked. “Although Trump has obviously never been to a pizzeria himself, as he calls it a pizzeria.
“Fox put themselves in a position where they tied their financial and political success to Trump and his base — a base they helped build,” Meyers later added of the ailing network. “But now that Trump faces multiple criminal investigations and has pressured the GOP in these three straight national elections, Fox is gently trying to nudge his audience toward DeSantis without angering them.”
These included Fox commentator and former Congressman Jason Chaffetz, who called Trump’s interview with Hannity “terrible” and said, “He’s the former President of the United States! Act like that!”
“I’m sorry, which Donald Trump were you expecting — the Donald Trump who whines, complains, and plays the victim card, or the Donald Trump who fucking doesn’t exist? Because there’s only one,” Meyers said. “He has two tricks: hit and play the victim. That’s it. That’s the whole deal. And as much as the rest of us hate it, for Republican voters, that doesn’t put Trump at a disadvantage.
“That’s why he’s the GOP leader,” he added. “Either these guys still don’t get it, or they’re just pretending not to get it because they don’t want to admit that they’ve dedicated their lives to a morally and ideologically bankrupt political movement whose primary goal is tax cuts. make it easier for people to get guns and get upset that green M&M isn’t giving them boners anymore.”