Next to her father, who was lying very weak in a hospital room, Claudia noticed a strange smell filling the room and thought, “Could this be the smell of death?” He searched Google to find out what this smell could be. Of the information she found, nothing matched what she felt. This was just one of the many answers he was looking for, and although many books had been written about grief, he couldn’t find any. In “Sem pai nem Mãe” (Editora Máquina de Livros, R$58), the journalist shares her doubts and discoveries and recounts the experience of losing her father Paulo and mother Marina to cancer within just six months.
— It is a rough diary of the entire process. From the need to learn how to use medications and their causes, to understanding that people with these conditions change, and for good reason. In my father’s case, death came quickly. For my mother, the torment continued. There is no manual summarizes Claudia Giudice.
2 of 2 Book without father or mother Photo: Disclosure Book without father or mother Photo: Disclosure
For the author, who was born on November 2nd, All Souls’ Day, death was not a taboo until then, which in no way freed her from suffering when two loved ones feel pain and say goodbye.
— I make my relationships with them so clear that some people think I’m crazy for revealing so much. But we need to demystify it. Despite the suffering, in that last moment I had the privilege of sharing with my father and mother things that I had not shared for 50 years emphasizes Claudia, 54, who follows: “Another important reality is the change of roles. As children we begin to care for them, but we have to learn how to do it. And they also have to accept that they are taken care of. My mother never accepted it.
In this sense, the work is a lighthouse for us to think about our own path to finitude.
— We all get old. And how will we behave? Who looks after us and how much work do we give to the carers? I hope to be a relaxed old lady he thinks calmly.
Among so many intimate and emotional reports, the journalist shares drawings she made on the pages. Watercolor was one of the means he sought to say goodbye when he realized he might fall into depression. In a sort of outburst, she lists her regrets. Including that he quickly dropped off his father’s belongings during a cleaning to organize everything and left São Paulo, where he collected memories of life with the two of them, to live permanently in Bahia, where he had a guest house has:
— When something worries me, I want to get rid of it quickly. But we can’t get rid of some pain. Today, after much therapy and writing the book, I am at peace. But if I had stayed a while in São Paulo, where we told our stories, I might have found that peace more quickly. People cannot escape their grief and pretend nothing happened.
As mother of Chico, 21, she emphasizes that her son and his friends were an important support network in coping with the absence of Paulo and Marina. But it’s just a physical absence:
— Dealing with orphanhood is difficult. Because you feel completely lonely when you lose your father and mother who meant unconditional help. I still feel like something is missing. But I continue to talk to my parents, ask them for help, and today I know that I have survived the grief.
“Without Father or Mother” will be published tomorrow at 7 p.m. at Livraria Janela in Shopping da Gávea.