Former Miss Australia Kate Huessler says we should aim to break these bad habits in 2022
An etiquette coach has slammed people who lie to get out of events, are addicted to their phones, and over-commit themselves.
Former Miss Australia Kate Huessler says we should aim to break those bad habits in 2022 – and focus on becoming a better company in the new year.
The mother of one child, who also coaches models and has been teaching etiquette for five years, spoke to FEMAIL about modern manners – and emphasized her hatred of pets.
Use your phone at work
“The first, quite obviously, is your addiction to your phone,” she said.
She says people feel disconnected in conversations, like their loved ones aren’t listening when the other person is keeping an eye on their phone.
That’s why she wants people to make the effort to put down their phones — and focus on real-life connections.
“If you’re going to someone’s house for dinner, leave your phone in your jacket or bag,” she said.
“Come in, put your things down and hug your hosts, ask how their day was and if they need any help.”
She understands that some people might want photos of their meal or a group photo – but that should be discussed beforehand.
Kate believes it’s important to break some bad habits as the year draws to a close – including your phone addiction
The mom even teaches her daughter not to be tech-obsessed and doesn’t give her phones or iPads to distract her when they’re out with friends
“People don’t want to wait for you to take photos while everything gets cold,” she said.
Kate doesn’t even give her young daughter a phone when she’s having dinner with friends.
“My friends don’t have children, but they know how I raise them, they sit with her and talk. I know I have a 20 minute window and asking her to sit in an adult environment for hours is unrealistic.
“I will also ask to meet at a place suitable for children to entertain them,” she said.
Lying to get out of something
Kate also hit people who lie to get out of plans.
She said it was too risky in a world where social media captured every moment.
“If you get caught lying, especially if you’re seen hanging out with someone else, it could ruin friendships,” she said.
She understands she wants to cancel in favor of Me-Time, but says telling the truth is a much better option.
“Some people are okay with that and some aren’t, but telling the truth is the best option — just tell them your social battery is low, or that you’ve double-booked, or something happened to your kids,” she said.
In addition, it is about balance.
“You can’t do it too often because you don’t want to look flaky.”
Getting involved and not going through with it
You should be able to know yourself and your schedule well enough not to have to cancel anyway, she said, especially for important events or work-related events.
“I know that my history and my trauma make me feel like I’m doing better than average, I’d burn myself out before I let other people down,” she said.
“If I’m asked to do something and I’m not sure I can do it with my projects, I just decline,” she said.
Kate says people should stop committing – that declining at first is far better than backing out later
Note that if you agreed to do something for work that you fail to comply with, it could be considered a fireable offense.
“If you don’t have the skills, capacity or resources, just decline,” she said.
Occasions with friends should also be treated in this way.
“Everybody’s still recharging coming out of lockdown for a lot of social events,” she said.
“If someone asks you to host their baby shower and you don’t have the energy, then ask for help — or tell them you can’t, even if you love them,” she said.
chewing gum
“Sometimes people chew because they’re nervous or because they’re trying to quit smoking,” she said.
But she says it shouldn’t be done in company. It’s also unprofessional,” she said.
“If you chew while you’re talking, it’s rude.
Know the dress code
She said it’s important to always know the dress code – and showing up dressed too much or too little is cheesy and rude.
“You really have to wear what’s on the invite,” she said.
Kate wants people to focus on good manners this year – and break their bad habits.
Self-esteem
The first is to have self-respect, to know your needs and to be able to articulate them. assert limits. Speak up if you haven’t been respected.
punctuality
“I always tell my models to arrive 15 minutes early so you’re never late. I think that goes for everyone,” she said.
She also wants people to think about how they dress, as being too casual or too dressed is tacky and rude
Slowness has become so normal over the years that people have lost touch with what really matters in business – reliability and respect. If you want to be taken seriously, act like it
To be present
Digital Detox. Shut down, unfriend, unfollow, block people and accounts that don’t serve your peace or future. Follow and befriend those who do. If you are with someone – be present and not on your phone.
healthy behavior
Learn to control your emotions or they will control you. Master the art of rejection and be a good loser. I tell my models you’re not going to win every job you decide to do, and it’s meant to happen. Once you realize that setbacks, failures, and mistakes are part of the journey, you won’t take it so personally. Acknowledge your own toxic characteristics.
Nobody owes you anything. How you are feeling and what you have been through has undoubtedly been difficult, hard and traumatic. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without projecting them or blaming anyone, and take the time you need to grieve, heal, and move forward. As long as you remain in “victim mode” you will not grow.
courage
Know when to stop. There’s an old quote that says quitters never win and winners never quit, and I don’t agree with that. In business, when the strategic direction of your project isn’t working, you adapt and pivot, and you become agile to make it work – you’re not constantly wasting time and money on something that isn’t working. The same principle applies to the models I coach for their work as a model – if you try the same thing and it doesn’t work – change it or move on.
And she has some seasonal “good habits,” too.
christmas cards
Kate likes to send them, but she also sends thank you notes, postcards and letters. I want to let the people I’ve worked with over the year know that they are valuable.
She also sends them to her modeling students and even gets her daughter to bring her own to school.
“I’ve been doing this every year since I was 18, the list has gotten smaller since then, but they still go to my close friends, family and co-workers.
bring a plate
Kate says when you come into someone’s house, especially around Christmas time, you shouldn’t arrive empty-handed.
She said it could be dessert, coffee or wine but check with the hosts.
“If you bring wine, don’t expect them to open it on the day, treat it as a gift, they’ve probably thought about the wine pairing for their meal,” she said.