When the relationship falters, couples usually try to make things right by taking a break, scheduling more dates, or even going to therapy.
But lovers are increasingly turning to ketamine — better known as a party drug than a love potion — as a way to get closer.
The powerful tranquilizer is a Schedule III controlled substance in the US, but a loophole in the law allows for off-label use as long as a licensed physician is present.
This has allowed it to be used as a novel therapy to help people in major cities like New York City, Houston, Miami, Los Angeles and Seattle battle depression and PTSD.
But now couples like Jay Godfrey, 43, and his wife of 17 years Dara, 40, are using the drug in hopes that its ability to regenerate brain connections can strengthen their connection to one another.
Jay and Dara Godfrey, pictured above and residing in New York City, used ketamine to strengthen their 17-year marriage. They say it helped bring them even closer together
The couple, who live in Chelsea, Manhattan, met in New York City in 2004 when a friend set them up on a blind date at a sushi bar.
They hit it off immediately because they were drawn to each other’s adventurous spirit and love of music and reading – and learned they grew up five minutes apart in Toronto, Canada, but had never met.
Eighteen months later, they married by the sea in Miami, Florida and honeymooned in Bali before settling in New York City, where they now have two young girls, ages 13 and 11, and a cat.
But the couple decided they wanted to strengthen their relationship after realizing they were putting on a show on social media.
Dara told : “We used to confess our love to the public, all the things we love about each other.”
“In that moment it felt great to post something, but it didn’t feel real and it didn’t seem like the best way for us to connect.” It wasn’t personal, it was for the enjoyment of others people, not our own.”
Then Jay, who was struggling with insecurities, said he wanted to try ketamine therapy after learning about the health benefits.
His wife said she would come too.
Ketamine works by blocking a receptor for the neurotransmitter glutamate in the brain, increasing its levels.
When this happens, the synapses in the brain — which make connections between cells — become more plastic and can be easily remodeled, or there’s a higher chance that new connections will form.
dr Jeffrey Ditzell, who runs a clinic in downtown New York that administers the drug, says it allows people who take the drug to dissociate and look at emotionally charged situations from a neutral perspective.
The couple received intravenous ketamine every week for six weeks at a clinic on the Upper East Side. Pictured above is the Nushama clinic Jay founded in Midtown Manhattan
Above is the entrance to the Nushama Clinic in Midtown Manhattan
Jay added, “I would really, really, really seek validation before this treatment, whether it was in the clothes I wore or even the things I did.”
“I used to love telling people I got to the opening of a restaurant before anyone else, and if that’s not ego then I don’t know what is.”
“I realized that so much of this display of this validation seeking or ego flaunting was just a baseline state of just not feeling good enough,” he told .
When asked how ketamine affects someone, Dr. Adds Ditzell, “You don’t depend as much on someone wronging you, or you can look at a situation from a neutral point of view, and when you take that neutral point of view you get a better insight into the situation.”
“This might actually be useful in couples therapy…” [because] You look at it from a creative point of view. It might be helpful.’
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved prescription use of ketamine as an anesthetic for patients back in the 1970s when it was first used for soldiers during the Vietnam War.
This created a loophole in the law that allowed doctors to prescribe the drug off-label to treat other conditions, such as depression.
WHAT IS KETAMINE?
Ketamine is a powerful general anesthetic used to prevent pain in humans and animals during surgery.
It was first used as a party drug in the late 2000s, and was taken by people before raves for a more intense experience.
In recent years, it has emerged as a potential therapeutic for depression and PTSD.
What are the side effects?
Ketamine causes loss of sensation and muscle paralysis.
It can also cause people to experience a distortion of reality that many refer to as “entering the ‘K-hole’.”
This is when people believe they have spoken to God or a higher power, which can lead to addiction as they long for the experience.
Ketamine can also make people feel unable to move, experience hallucinations, or lead to panic attacks, confusion, and memory loss.
Regular use can cause severe bladder damage that may need to be surgically removed.
Other risks include increased heart rate and increased blood pressure.
Muscle paralysis can cause people to injure themselves. If they don’t feel the pain properly, this can lead them to underestimate the potential damage.
Many claim that withdrawal from ketamine is worse than any other drug, and some feel so depressed that they consider suicide.
If you have suicidal thoughts, contact the Samaritans here.
How is it taken and what is the law about it?
For medicinal purposes, ketamine is liquid, but the ‘street drug’ is usually a granular, white powder, with a gram costing around £20.
As a Class B drug in the UK, possession of ketamine carries a prison sentence of up to five years, while possession of ketamine carries a prison sentence of up to 14 years.
Both cases can result in an unlimited fine.
Source: Talk to Frank
Doctors took advantage of this in the early 2000s, when initial medical research showed that the drug could act as an effective antidepressant. This has led to a steady proliferation of clinics offering the drug in major US cities.
But in recent years, clinics have started offering the drug in couples therapy as well, on the grounds that it can help people weaken their defenses and explore their feelings with their partner.
There are now ketamine therapy “couples retreats” in upstate New York, where couples take the drug once a day for three days. A few hours are also planned for “Intimacy and Sexuality”.
Jay and Dara attended ketamine talk therapy once a week for six weeks in October 2021 at an Upper East Side clinic.
During the sessions, they were given the drug intravenously in low-dose shots for about an hour while sitting in chairs.
A therapist was also present to conduct the discussions and there were separate devices monitoring her vital signs in case of any adverse reactions.
This differs from how the drug is taken on the street, where it can be injected all at once as a liquid or snorted as a white powder.
Doctors warn against snorting the drug because it can damage the nasal passages and airways. There are also concerns about injections in the non-medical field, as doctors say they increase the risk of infection and vein damage.
The couple said they were both very nervous before their first appointment, but the treatment quickly led to an outburst of love.
Dara said, “I just remember opening my eyes afterwards and looking over at my husband and the first thought that came to my mind, I remember saying it out loud to him was, ‘You are best thing that ever happened to me in my life”.’
The couple now credit ketamine with strengthening their relationship and bringing them closer together.
This was achieved, among other things, by the fact that they were able to support each other more.
Jay tends to get stressed at conferences, but when that happens, Dara knows how to tell him not to worry, pointing out that he’s already one of the best at the topic he’s talking about his territory is.
It has also resulted in both of them walking away from Instagram and instead of posting declarations of love on the platform, they are posting about their children and of course the cat.
It has also strengthened their relationship when it comes to sharing household chores, the couple laughingly told .
In summary, Jay said, “The biggest change for us was number one, vulnerability, and number two, safety.”
“So I know deep down that our relationship is inherently safe and I never, ever question that.”
Adding that it also helped him see that he was “good enough,” he said, “Through the ketamine treatment, I really saw and couldn’t help but see that I was really good enough and that I deserved it, and I have.” “It doesn’t take much effort to seek validation.”
The couple said there were no unexpected discoveries about their lives during treatment, adding that they had no secrets from each other.
When asked how ketamine has affected her sex life, Jay said, “It’s not something we usually talk about, but we’ve always had an incredible relationship that just got strengthened in every way.”
The clinic has also started offering group therapy sessions. It says the drug can help people distance themselves from emotions and see situations more clearly
The couple opted for ketamine therapy after Jay decided to use the drug for his anxiety – and Dara said she wanted to give him a try.
Jay described taking ketamine as feeling “floating” and “dissociating” from the body.
He added that he would also “forget that my consciousness is bound to a physical being and distance myself from the feeling of being in your body.”
Ketamine is a Schedule III drug, but its FDA approval means it can be prescribed off-label for medical purposes
Jay is also the co-founder of a ketamine clinic, which he founded in June 2020 after receiving the drug in a clinical setting and thinking it could be offered in a friendlier setting.
In October of the following year, he opened Nushama Psychedelic Wellness, which occupies the entire 21st floor of a building in MidTown Manhattan.
It now has about 2,000 clients each year who pay $450 to receive one treatment per week for six weeks, plus prep sessions and talk therapy.
Clients include anyone between the ages of 18 and 80 and from all occupations who have a tendency to suffer from depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and addiction, Jay said.
However, he and his wife received the treatment at a separate clinic as they signed up to take the drug before Jay’s clinic opened.
While ketamine therapy is on the rise, doctors are also preparing to test psilocybin — the compound found in magic mushrooms — for depression.
Initial studies show it’s already more effective than standard treatments, and the FDA is suggesting it could even be approved for use by 2024.
Oregon is the only US state currently planning to legalize the drug for people as long as they are with a “hallucination buddies.”