(CNN) – Mariska Hargitay revealed in a moving personal essay that she was raped decades ago. But the “Law & Order: SVU” star wrote that she didn't let the experience “define” her.
“A man raped me when I was in my 30s,” she wrote at the beginning of her article, published Wednesday in People magazine. “It wasn't anything sexual at all. It was dominance and control. Overwhelming control.”
Hargitay recalled that the man was “a friend” and described the crime in detail. “I went into freeze mode, a common trauma response when there is no way to escape. “I left my body,” he recalled.
The actress wrote about dealing with her trauma privately for many years, becoming an outspoken advocate for victims of sexual violence, and focusing on her work with the Joyful Heart Foundation, an organization founded by Hargitay in 2004 that raises awareness of sexual violence sharpens offers support to bereaved families.
He also managed it by putting the experience out of his mind, writing, “I did what I had to do to survive.”
“Now I can clearly see what they did to me. I understand the neurobiology of trauma. “Trauma destroys our minds and memories,” Hargitay wrote, adding that her own experience was not just a case of an “unwanted” breakthrough.
“This is why I've talked so much about acquaintance rape, because a lot of people still think of rape as a man jumping out of the bushes,” she wrote. “This was a friend who made a unilateral decision.”
Although she acknowledges that this is a “painful” part of her story, she wrote that it “doesn't come close to defining me” and hopes that other people who have experienced sexual violence will feel empowered by sharing their story to speak up too about it.
Hargitay is currently celebrating a milestone: 25 years as Olivia Benson on “SVU,” a character often portrayed as justice for victims of sexual assault and abuse.
In her essay, Hargitay paid tribute to the sexual assault survivors who watched the show, writing: “They are the ones who have been a source of strength for me.” “They have experienced darkness and cruelty, a complete disregard for another human being, and they did what they needed to survive.”
“For some, that means making Olivia Benson a big part of their lives,” he continued, adding that the feeling is “an immeasurable honor.”
At the end of her essay, Hargitay expressed gratitude for where she is some 30 years after that experience. And although she “still moves forward with pride,” she wrote that she is renewed and “overflowing with compassion for all of us who have suffered.”