It is said that January is the month of divorce and February is the month of lovers, celebrated in most countries on the 14th, Valentine’s Day. This date becomes a privileged opportunity to show your love for the chosen one in your heart.
There are different ways to celebrate your love: a candlelight dinner with champagne and romantic music, a personalized gift, red roses, symbol of passion, without forgetting the night that follows to consecrate everything.
Valentine’s Day around the world
But did you know that Valentine’s Day is also a celebration of friendship in many Latin American countries and does not always take place on February 14th? In Bolivia, the holiday takes place on September 21, and in Colombia, on the third Monday of September. In Iran, Valentine’s Day is more of a celebration of love for mothers and wives than a celebration of the earth. In Israel, this holiday takes place in July or August according to the Hebrew calendar. In China, it takes place on the seventh day of the seventh month of the Chinese calendar. In Wales, Saint Dwynwen, the patron saint of lovers, is celebrated on January 25 rather than Valentine’s Day.
Conversely, in Pakistan and some Muslim countries, where most marriages are arranged, the celebration of Valentine’s Day is forbidden.
The definition
Many criticize this holiday, which they consider too commercial: according to the Trade Federation, more than 20 billion dollars are spent on the occasion in the United States.
From the Latin amor, the word love has multiple meanings in French, unlike in English, where you can use love or like. It can mean affection, friendship, filial or parental love, carnal love… It often refers to passion. Formerly, the phrase faire l’amour referred to “to woo a woman”; today the term refers to the sexual act.
However, love and passion are different: one is a feeling, the other is an emotion. Friendship is based on affinities where love seeks complementarities. Friendship excludes sexuality, love seeks it.
my definition
I really like Scott Peck’s definition, which presents love as a conscious decision that follows a reflection made from the knowledge and experiences of the other. That’s why I often say that true love is the couple’s goal, not its foundation.
The basis could be physical and sexual drive or attraction. This physical intimacy needs to be transformed into a cognitive and emotional intimacy made of respect, trust, and admiration.
After all, what good is the couple if they do not mutually support each other in the realization of personal, marital and family projects? For me, the three components of love are attraction, intimacy and attachment.
To paraphrase Scott Peck, the most beautiful love word you can say to your partner is, “Honey, when I’m with you I’m happy and when I’m without you I’m happy.” My happiness does not depend on you, but I want to share it with you so that it grows. » I agree with the actor Benoit Magimel who wrote: “Happiness is found alone and shared between two”.
And finally, I hope that the love that started in February will not end in January.
Yvon Dallaire, Marriage Counselor, Author, Speaker and Coach