Louise Thompson has opened up about how she felt “a little lost” over the Christmas holidays after “doing a bit of busying” to deal with her issues with post-traumatic stress disorder.
The 33-year-old Made In Chelsea star was diagnosed with PTSD and postnatal anxiety after almost dying while giving birth to her son Leo in November 2021.
And posting a lengthy post on Instagram, Louise admitted that in order to keep herself busy she “got so tired she could fall over on the kitchen floor” and that she struggled to slow down during the festive break.
The TV personality added that she is focused on “recovery” in 2024 and “break” is a “project she needs to get into.”
Louise also reflected on the difficult time she went through last New Year's Eve, when she fell into a “terrible reliving state of complete delirium” and remembered the year before that she had spent in the emergency room.
Louise Thompson has opened up about how she felt “a little lost” over the Christmas holidays after “doing a bit of busying” to deal with her issues with post-traumatic stress disorder
Taking to Instagram, Louise shared a lengthy post and admitted that in order to keep herself occupied, she had become “so tired she could pass out on the kitchen floor.”
Posting a gallery of snaps of herself cradling her two-year-old son Leo, Louise wrote: “I don't do very well in the winter months. “I don't do well on special occasions either. Unlike most people I know, I don't like the idea of Christmas.
“This is my truth.” I went and said it. I'm sorry to everyone I offended. Including my wonderful family.
“Things might seem like gravy.” And for the most part, they are. But somewhere inside me there are still some deep-rooted grievances that are firmly anchored in my psyche.
“I can try to blame my problems on chemical imbalances, hormonal inadequacies, or physical health problems… I can continue wandering down humanity's longest rabbit hole, a never-ending search for answers to why I feel so crazy sometimes.”, but in Lately I've learned to give up and give in as quickly as possible and just accept that it's probably the miserable PTSD. That's half the battle. Ha ha. I win.
“No, but seriously, last week I craved an innocent brain and a properly regulated nervous system a lot more than I have in the last three or four months.”
“I think it must be that time of year!! One of my coping mechanisms is to stay busy at all costs.
“We're talking about stupid levels of busyness here… even if it's just about stupid little things.” So as everyone closes their calendars for the holiday season, I have to admit I'm feeling a little lost.
The TV personality added that she is focused on “recovery” in 2024 and “break” is a “project she needs to get into.”
Louise also reflected on a challenging time she endured last New Year's Eve when she had a “terrible resurgence of complete delirium”.
Posting a gallery of snaps of herself cradling her two-year-old son Leo, Louise wrote: “I don't do very well in the winter months. “I don't do well on special occasions either.
“Slowing down creates more space in my brain for strange and unpleasant memories (and sensations), and I don’t like that.”
“Why would I want to make my life any more stressful than it already is?” Especially when things are finally looking up (touching all the wood in my house and my hair). I am unable to test my brain.
'Absolutely not. I would rather bury myself in tick lists and organize every single closet in the house than rest.
“Sometimes I go out with Leo four to five times a day because I'm just afraid to sit still.” There were moments when I felt so tired that I was about to pass out on the kitchen floor, but I still walk out of the house to go for a “short” swim with Leo.
'It is a problem. I'm working on this break thing. Pausing, unfortunately, still feels like a bit of a luxury and is certainly a long-term goal of mine… a project I'll really have to get into in 2024.
“It’s non-negotiable.” Unfortunately, I know I need a break to truly heal.
Louise continued her post, admitting that she still struggles with the long periods of darkness during the winter months and that she sees “the same people she saw right at the start of her journey plagued by post-traumatic stress disorder.”
“Another challenge for me this time of year is seeing the same people I saw right at the start of my PTSD-plagued journey.
“Threatening plans with certain people can make me feel sick with anxiety (through no fault of theirs, and to be honest, not really).
“It’s so strange how the body retains random and often incredibly intricate details in our subconscious.”
“It's not just the obvious things like seeing familiar faces in familiar surroundings that find me haunting, but also the minute changes – the change in the length of 'lightness' throughout the day that my body clock registers with extreme precision seems to feel.”
“Other signals of winter.” The longest day of the year. The gray in the sky. The silence in my kitchen. Where are the birds? Oh God, they're gone. This is not good. The bare branches. The increase in traffic. The steam that comes from chimneys.
“How can my brain be SO smart?” Is it just a memory machine trying to keep me safe and alive at all times and at all costs?
“Even if that cost results in psychological discomfort and a complete lack of self-control.” That doesn't feel very protective, does it?
“Oh, how I long for a well-regulated nervous system.”
“I experienced this 'negative attachment', if you will, to certain times of the year to a very small extent before Leo.”
“Coincidentally, all of my relationships ended the week of Valentine's Day (most against my will, some even on the big 'V-Day') and so even though I'm happy, I ALWAYS cry on that day.” Now.
“I don’t actively think about these experiences. I don't have any obvious thoughts that lead me to a place of sadness. Instead, my body just knows. Be careful. Be sad.
“In the middle of this month I had a day where I drove to the White City House to attend some meetings and I couldn't stop crying ALL DAY!”
“I ended up having a trigger conversation with one of my girls who had just gone through a breakup and unknowingly had no idea what was happening to me. At this very moment.
“I looked at my phone and happened to see the exact date I left the hospital two years ago… and a day when my emotions were completely mixed up.”
'Naturally. It made sense. But that was not the case. It's not always black and white. Very few people truly understand the inner workings of the brain – even those who suffer from poor brain health. It's more confusing for us than for most. Or is it? Maybe we'll actually understand each other better!
“The months of January and February were the peak for me at the time as I entered the early days of my MH recovery, so my body is starting to prepare for something that might never happen.” Hopefully it never happens.
“Rationally, I know that things will never be the same again.” One of the few joys I held on to when I was suffering was the knowledge that I REALLY could never go backwards. “Every day was pretty unique for me.”
Reflecting on a challenging time she was going through at the same time last year, Louise wrote: “Last year I had a terrible experience, and I mean HORRIBLE, when I went into a state of complete delirium around New Year's Eve.” It was dissolving within me the desire to leave this world. I didn't connect the dots, I did New Year's Eve before I was back in the ER.
“With distance comes insight.” My goodness, how much I learned last year. Just knowing the date on the calendar (which you can't ignore because damn everyone is asking about New Year's plans and social media is littered with reminders of the good and the bad of the year, etc.) was enough for my body to feel Could remember what happened in crystal clear detail. Frozen in the past. BAM BAM BAM. You can't escape the past.
“Over time, I will rewrite these paths with positive experiences.” But it takes time. The strange thing is that in these moments my brain simply can't remember the 30 other good New Year's experiences I've created throughout my life.
“It was obviously chosen to remember and highlight the most significant (and unfortunately most threatening).”
“Anyway, I guess I wanted to share this with you because I completely understand that some people don't have a great day on holidays or 'festive season'. For many, this moment just highlights how imperfect things are.
“In the first year, you grieve some kind of loss, even if it's just the loss of a happier self.” It also illustrates to me all the suffering in the world that I feel incredibly powerless to deal with.
“For many, the idea of celebration is a far-fetched concept.” Especially those who survive. Urgh. It frustrates me.
“So if you're someone who finds this all a bit scary, then don't worry that it'll be over soon.” Then we can go back to using our everyday coping mechanisms until we find the strength to get better without them .
“Don’t worry if you have mixed feelings about these days that are supposed to be full of joy.”
Following the candid post, Louise's comments were flooded with messages of support from her followers.
One wrote: “I had this conversation with my eldest who is 28 and thought about ADHD as I could see the same behavior patterns in her.”
“Did you think you might have ADHD? It's different for women!' another remarked, while a third said: “@louise.thompson just a thought but…some of your issues sound similar to mine and I have autism and ADHD.” I know Sam has been diagnosed and that the disease usually runs in the family.'
“Oh, this is the most honest post I've read in a long time and it can be so hard to slow down and I completely understand the discomfort.” “I hope you got enough of what you need too “wrote one.
In a lengthy Instagram caption, Louise candidly shared her recent struggles, alongside a selection of sweet snaps of herself cradling her son Leo
Following the candid post, Louise's comments were flooded with messages of support from her followers
Louise has had a difficult year after almost dying and spending five weeks in hospital giving birth to her son Leo, who she shares with fiancé Ryan Libbey
Louise has struggled with a variety of physical issues since the traumatic birth, and was also diagnosed with colitis before her pregnancy (she is pictured with Leo).
Another shared, “My therapist recommended The Body Keeps Score as a way to understand how mental health and trauma affects the body.” If you're interested in reading about MH, this is definitely something to consider value.”
“I hope I don't offend you, but have you considered that this might be the case for you too since your brother was diagnosed with ADHD?” “Of course I know you've had a lot to deal with in the last year, “But what you said is very understandable,” commented one user.
Another fan shared: “I'm saying this in the nicest way possible but sounds a lot like ADHD – especially given your brother's diagnosis.” It might be worth exploring as it can bring a lot of comfort if you either get a diagnosis or rule it out completely.”
Louise has struggled with a variety of physical problems since the traumatic birth and was also diagnosed with ulcerative colitis before her pregnancy.
Last November, Louise opened up about her health when she revealed she had experienced extreme weight fluctuations for two years.
“I feel my body returning to itself.” “It's always been there, but it feels more like my old body,” she shared at the time.
“My body hasn't felt like my body in two years.” There are still things I haven't done in two years before pregnancy, which is so strange. “I haven’t drunk alcohol in two years.”
“There are certain things I haven't eaten, I just recently started exercising. “Basically, I haven't lived for two years, and now I'm going to start living.”
Louise went on to explain how her weight has “increased a lot over the last few years” and revealed that she “gained almost half my body weight during my pregnancy.”
During her long hospital stay following her traumatic birth, Louise explained that she “couldn't eat much or move much for most of a month, so I lost all my muscle and fat.”
Shortly after she “gained weight because she was taking too many psychiatric medications at the beginning of the year, we changed the medications and I lost my appetite.”
Her battle with colitis also became “really bad” in mid-2022, and Louise was hospitalized again, ending up “malnourished and very thin.”
After returning home and being given steroids, she gained weight again and said: “I started eating like an absolute pig, my face and body bloated.”
Louise almost died giving birth to her son Leo, who she shares with husband Ryan Libbey, and spent five weeks in hospital with “serious complications”.
She has since struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder and post-natal anxiety and admitted to crying up to 20 times in one week in January 2022.
For confidential support call Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch. For more information, visit www.samaritans.org.