No one but Lucy Letby knows what drove her to kill and attack premature babies in her care. The police found nothing in her background, in her upbringing, or in any other event that could have sparked her killing spree, which began in June 2015.
Evidence that she became feisty and agitated after the babies died, enjoyed the drama of emergencies when toddlers collapsed, and was quick to text her co-workers if anything unusual and tragic had happened during her shift suggested that she enjoyed the attention you said.
Letby was given a psychological evaluation and found fit to stand trial, but this desire to be at the center of a crisis could be a symptom of the mental disorder Munchausen syndrome, a leading criminologist told the Mail.
But as there was no clear motive, Detective Superintendent Paul Hughes, who led the investigation for Cheshire Police, said he believed Letby’s “confession” note was the only explanation for why she became Britain’s leading child killer in modern times.
“She clearly loves the attention, I think she also loved the attention of a process,” DS Hughes said.
“But if we’re looking for the reason why she did it, then, to use her own words: ‘She’s evil and she did this.’ then she wrote it down in this note.’ The green Post-it note was discovered in her journal when police searched her home following her arrest in July 2018. The caption read, “NOT GOOD ENOUGH.”
Lucy Letby wrote in her diary: “I killed her on purpose because I’m not good enough for her and a terribly bad person.” I don’t deserve Mom and Dad. The world is better off without me.’
Undated Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) handout photo of a note found in the home of Lucy Letby
In addition to writing in all caps, “I AM EVIL, I DONE THIS,” Letby scribbled, “There are no words.” I’m a terrible person — I pay for it every day. I can not breath. I can not concentrate. Kill me now Overwhelming fear/panic. I will never have children or get married. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a family. NO HOPE.
“I did nothing wrong.” Police investigations forget defamation. discrimination. victimization. Everything becomes too much, everything takes up my life. I hate myself so much for what this has. . . I feel very alone and scared. What does the future hold. How do I get through there? How will things ever be the way they used to be? TO HATE. PANIC. FEAR. LOST. I don’t deserve to live. I DID THIS. WHY ME. I killed her on purpose because I’m not good enough for her and a terribly bad person. I don’t deserve mom and dad. The world is better off without me.’
Letby claimed the note wasn’t a confession and that she wrote it after she was released from the unit in July 2016 because she was struggling with being held responsible for something she didn’t do.
But prosecutors asked the jury to read it “verbatim” and Mr Hughes said it was his view Letby deliberately left the note for police to find. He said that in May 2017 she was aware that the police were investigating and that although she had a paper shredder at her home address in Chester, she did not destroy the note or discard other incriminating papers, nurses’ handover sheets and medical documents related to it were found hiding under her bed.
“I think she wrote it down and let us look for it,” Mr Hughes said. “She knew the police were investigating, she knew she had been moved and was therefore not a criminal suspect but a community suspect.”
“She knew the police had spoken to her colleagues.
“In May 2017, the newspapers reported that Cheshire Police were investigating the circumstances surrounding the neonatal death.” She knew we would eventually speak to her, so she either recklessly or purposely wrote it down in order to be found.
Photograph of the front of a journal released by Cheshire Constabulary, along with a sticky note found in the journal, was recovered from the home of Lucy Letby in Chester
Lucy Letby was shot in the head while in police custody in November 2020
Mr Hughes said Letby was not stupid and speculated whether she left the notes because she wanted “celebrity”.
What her writing reveals about her mental state
Handwriting expert Adam Brand, who analyzed Lucy Letby’s notes for the Mail, said her writing style was evidence of a “manipulative and dishonest” person.
Other characteristics of her writing suggested she could also be “charming” and “friendly.”
He said her style displayed traits of antisocial behavior disorder — impulsiveness, dishonesty, rejection of discipline and manipulation — while demonstrating her ability to “assimilate” into society.
He said the 2016 handwriting in Letby’s diary, which was seized by police, was commissioned and appears to have been made by someone in control.
But it was in stark contrast to the colored notes shown to the jury, which appeared far more chaotic and restless. “Her lyrics show that she’s a charming person who can commit some terrible acts,” he said.
He compared Letby to Jeffrey Dahmer, the US serial killer who murdered and dismembered 17 men over 13 years. “He’s been described as a built-in antisocial and that’s how I see her, too,” he said. “She is someone who can be very kind at times, manipulative, secretive and cold at times.”
Mr Brand highlighted several “errors” in her handwriting, although this was not part of the arraignment.
The way she had written HATE, PANIC, FEAR, LOST on the green slip could be considered attention-grabbing. It indicated that she wanted to be listened to and not ignored, he said. The “continuous loops” on a yellow piece of paper showed that she was possessed.
The way her writing doesn’t trend one way or the other is highly unusual and suggests she suffered from “terrible” mood swings and struggled to fit into a team, Mr Brand said.
The lack of consistency in the height of her letters also suggested she had self-esteem issues, while “hooks” at the beginning of vowels were a symbol of evasive maneuvers. Shaded boxes and grid scribbles also signaled suppressed anger and that she felt trapped, he said.
“She is intelligent and articulate, she has had good results.” [as a nurse]”She was good at what she did when she wanted to do it right,” he added. “You could tell by the way she wrote her charts.” It was also a sign of how smart she was in deliberately misleading the doctors on the charts.
“Being able to trick doctors into believing that a child is about to collapse to intentionally mislead smart doctors and colleagues.” Did she want it? [the note] found? Did she just want to write it down or did she just want to tell the world she was evil and she did? Did she want the fame she has? Without telling us why, the motive was right in front of us and had to be found.’
Asked if he thought Letby became a nurse to kill, or whether the profession gave her the chance to become a murderer, Mr Hughes said: “I don’t think she worked as a nurse to kill Killing children, but nursing has given her the opportunity to be near the most vulnerable in society. Seeing what had happened and the attention she was receiving illuminated something in her that made her move on.” Criminologist David Wilson said Letby’s desire to be at the center of a crisis is indicative of the mental disorder Munchausen Syndrome . “It creates a crisis around itself that is a form of the Munchausen crisis,” he said.
“There are extraordinary stories being told about what happens when she’s on shift.” She says, “Look at all the things that happen when I’m around.” “Mr Hughes said it was unclear why Letby targeted specific children, aside from having the “opportunity,” perhaps because she, as their assigned nurse, was alone with them or their parents temporarily retired to get some sleep or food. But once she decided on a victim, she was determined to harm and kill, he said. The same children were repeatedly attacked. Some died, others were only saved when they were transferred to another hospital.
‘[Once] “She decided to attack a victim and returned to the same victim,” he said. “So if she’s chosen, she’s determined to really try and kill them until either she does or circumstances change that prevent her from doing so. She controls. Once she makes up her mind and the result isn’t what she wants, she keeps trying, which brings us back to her controlling and manipulative behavior.”
The officer agreed that she was a “monster” who not only killed her vulnerable victims but also caused them suffering. “Monster, it’s fitting because I can’t think of anything worse,” added Mr. Hughes.
DCI Nicola Evans, the deputy lead investigating officer in the case, said it was “really hard and difficult” not to be able to tell the parents of Letby’s victims exactly why she attacked their babies.
“I couldn’t pinpoint what her motive was, and ultimately only Lucy Letby can answer that,” said DCI Evans. “She had the opportunity to do so during the trial and during her interrogations and has always denied the offences.
“I think she’ll continue to deny it, so we may never get that answer.” Our goal was to tell the families what happened and we couldn’t tell them why, among other things. It’s really difficult as a cop.
John and Susan Letby, parents of Lucy Letby, arrive at Manchester Crown Court for their daughter’s murder trial on October 21, 2022
“On a human level, everyone is trying to figure out why and why.” [says] There must be something in her background or something happened to her that led to these crimes. But I think that makes it all the more shocking that we haven’t found anything that might point to a reason for this.
“I’m not sure if anything explains these crimes and I’m not sure if we could have found anything that would make me understand why she did it because it’s so unimaginable.”
The criminologist Dr. David Wilson said Letby’s desire to be at the center of a crisis is indicative of the mental disorder, Munchausen syndrome.
“It creates a crisis around itself that is a form of the Munchausen crisis,” he said. “It tells extraordinary stories about what happens when she’s on shift.” She says, “Look at all the things that happen when I’m around.”
Baby killer Letby (middle picture) is enjoying a night out with friends and seems happy and relaxed
The criminologist Dr. David Wilson said Letby’s desire to be at the center of a crisis is indicative of the mental disorder, Munchausen syndrome. Letby is pictured
Mr Hughes said it was unclear why Letby chose or targeted specific children, other than that she had the “opportunity”, perhaps because she was alone with them as their assigned nurse, or because their parents temporarily withheld to get some sleep or food. But once she decided on a victim, she was determined to harm and kill, he said. The same children were repeatedly attacked. Some died, others were only saved when they were transferred to another hospital.
“Once she decided to attack a victim, she went back to the same victim,” he said. “So if she’s chosen, she’s determined to really try and kill them until either she does or circumstances change that prevent her from doing so.
“She controls. Once she decides to do it and the result isn’t what she wants, she tries again and again, which brings us back to her controlling and manipulative behavior.”
The officer agreed that she was a “monster” who not only killed her vulnerable victims but also caused them suffering.
Letby created “crisis situations” to get the attention of a married doctor
Letby was suspected of having a clandestine affair with a married doctor who became her “best friend” while she was murdering babies at work.
The nurse and paramedic took day trips to London, met in their free time away from the hospital for walks and meals together and exchanged hundreds of messages on Facebook, often late into the night.
Letby insisted they were “nothing more” than friends and denied being “in love” with the doctor, who requested anonymity at the start of the trial and cannot be identified for legal reasons.
“Monster, it’s fitting because I can’t think of anything worse,” added Mr. Hughes.
Detective Chief Inspector Nicola Evans, the deputy lead investigating officer in the case, said it was “really hard and difficult” not to be able to tell the parents of Letby’s victims exactly why she attacked their babies.
“I couldn’t say exactly what her motive was and ultimately only Lucy Letby can answer that,” Ms Evans said.
“She had the opportunity to do so during the trial and during her interrogations, and has repeatedly denied the offences. I think she will continue to deny it so we may never get that answer.”
“Our goal was to tell the families what happened and we couldn’t tell them why, among other things.” As a police officer, it’s really difficult.
“On a human level, everyone is trying to figure out why and[says]there must be something in her background, or that happened to her, that led to these crimes.” But I think that makes it all the more shocking that we didn’t find anything , which might indicate a reason for this.”
But she added, “I’m not sure if anything explains these crimes and I’m not sure if we could have found anything that would make me understand why she did it because it’s so unimaginable.”
Psychologists will puzzle for decades what darkness drove Lucy Letby to secretly murder and mutilate a series of tiny, defenseless babies in a neonatal unit.
On the surface, she appeared completely harmless—a nondescript, single woman who went to salsa sessions with her friends and then returned to a suburban apartment building, where she had Disney-style stuffed animals on her bed and under a duvet with the similarly childish one Motif ‘Sweet ‘sleeping dreams’.
Letby’s room was full of teddies and a duvet that said ‘Sweet Dreams’.
Psychologists will puzzle for decades what darkness drove Letby to secretly murder and mutilate a series of tiny, defenseless babies in a neonatal unit
But it seems that every day she made her way to work as a nurse at the Countess of Chester Hospital because she wanted to inflict unimaginable pain on the very babies she was supposed to be caring for.
She did this “in public” and yet felt protected from exposure because neither the friends she worked with nor the parents of her victims could even entertain the idea that a newborn sister could be a serial killer.
While the doctors and nurses around her were doing their best to save babies, she tried every opportunity to harm them.
She grew into such a skilled killer that she routinely procured alibis, perhaps by creating false documents, perhaps by using WhatsApp and Facebook messages to create a false narrative so that if a baby collapsed, she would explainable reason.
No one was immune from her malicious betrayal. Not her best friend, a fellow nurse on the ward. Not even the married male registrar she was said to be in love with.
Just like everyone else around her, they were there to be unknowingly choreographed as she set about “playing god” with the lives of babies small enough to fit in the palm of her hand.
By the time she was caught, she had killed seven of them and was trying to kill seven more. Tragically, even among the survivors are children as young as seven or eight who will need 24-hour care for the rest of their lives.
She denied it, of course, just as she denied everything else, but throughout the process there were indications that she took a sickening pleasure in her attacks. Whether the babies lived or died, letting them collapse gave them a thrill.
In public, Letby posed for photos and smiled. But in the neonatal unit where she worked, she plotted a murder
It was a bonus when she could “help” grieving parents by preparing a keepsake box for them – hand and footprints of their lost baby, a photo of two dead twins laid in a Moses basket, a condolence card for a another baby in time for the funeral.
The investigators leading the investigation despise Letby so much that they would never deign to speak to her.
Even as they begin their life in prison, they want the babies and their parents to be at the forefront of the minds of families around the world. Not Letby, never Letby, is the unspoken thought.
Like serial killer Harold Shipman two decades before her, Lucy Letby is a narcissist. Shipman, a general practitioner from Hyde, Greater Manchester, almost got a sexual kick from sitting some of his victims down, injecting them with diamorphine, and then silently watching them die before his eyes.
Prosecutors believe Letby felt “turned on” by the pain she caused and the way she was able to manipulate the unsuspecting actors – adults and babies alike – in her dark, depraved drama.
Letby, now 33, would have been easy to miss in the crowds both in Chester, where she presented herself as a “dedicated” nurse, and in Hereford, where she grew up on a quiet cul-de-sac and attended the local sixth college form.
While studying nursing for three years at Chester University, she did an internship at the local hospital, where she would later kill or maim her victims.
She also worked for a time at Liverpool Women’s Hospital, which will now be the focus of the new ongoing investigation into her murderous activities.
A look at her 2016 diary — an affair of a little girl with a “cute” dog picture on the cover and floral doodles inside — shows she’s been kept busy.
There were references to the long shifts she loved to work because she was “so keen to help,” to taking salsa classes with her friends, or dining at Las Iguanas followed by late-night cocktails at the Kuckoo bar in Chester.