MAUREEN CALLAHAN Hurry and buy your ticket to see Prince

MAUREEN CALLAHAN: Hurry and buy your ticket to see Prince Harry’s hurt inner child

In his online chat by the fireplace on Saturday, Prince Harry said he viewed his book as a “service”. But to access this chat, I had to spend $37.15 for a ticket and a copy of Spare, whether I wanted the book or not.

How greedy and cynical can you get? The book is already a Gonzo bestseller. Probably everyone who joined this chat already has their copy. But Harry needs to make more money and guarantee more time on the bestseller list, damn it.

This set the tone for the discussion that followed: short-sighted narcissistic, intellectually flimsy, and most importantly, hypocritical. This is Harry’s true brand — not as a mental health leader, or as a humanitarian, or as a warrior against institutional racism in the royal family — whoops, he walked that back a few weeks ago after receiving a Kennedy honor — but as Class A Hypocrites

Harry claimed to have been working in the mental health field for two decades, but his actual experience with therapy seems sporadic: His regular schedule, he said, was once every two weeks, then once every few months.

This is hardly depth therapy, and it hardly makes him an expert. But that’s Harry’s post-royal identity, a for-profit mental health professional who speaks Oprahese while endlessly flaying his blood relatives.

Can you be a victim and be a hero at the same time? Can you be an example of kindness and virtue while insulting your family and exposing their private pain? Can you reveal your secrets and still demand privacy for you and your wife?

Prince Harry, master of persuasive thinking.

dr Gabor Maté, who conducted this lecture, was sure to make a good portion about himself. Noting that he wasn’t too impressed with all things royal, he dismissed the huge chunk of Harry’s memoir as “royal melodrama” that didn’t interest him.

together with dr  Gabor Maté, the

together with dr Gabor Maté, the “trauma expert” and supporter of both Hamas and hallucinogenic drugs, made it feel like a session on the adult subscription site OnlyFans.

Please. Even Harry’s harshest critics, and I count myself among them, have to admit: His royal life and recent apostasy are the most interesting things about him. It seems that Maté has mastered H&M’s tactic of denigrating others in order to uplift itself.

There was a lot of talk here about “unpacking” – emotions, life experiences, unpacking boxes and luggage when you were driven out of your cabin (just kidding). Living authentically was another big theme, as was some kind of Mad Libs philosophy: “strength in vulnerability” and “vulnerability in strength” or some gibberish.

I’ll give Harry that: He gave us an authentic moment of anger when Dr. Maté deviated from the script and diagnosed Harry with multiple disorders. Helpfully, the good doctor had written them all down and provided a list.

Harry was angry – rightly so. This was a total breach of psychiatric ethics, diagnosing a stranger public figure based on his book. Harry’s anger, barely masked by courtesy – that royal training has its perks, it seems – was gratifying.

“I can see that long list of how you diagnosed me,” Harry said. ‘Free session. Wonderful.’

Oh, it was elegantly bitchy. Just perfect deadpan delivery.

That is, what did Harry expect? This is the natural by-product of commercializing your innermost thoughts and feelings as you channel your wounded inner child and familial anger across all available platforms on No Books.

Anyway, back to Harry the depressed, Harry the neglected, Harry the emotional orphan. “When I read your book,” Maté said, “it’s a story of deprivation.”

Ha! Yes, “Waaagh,” as it will forever be known, is the story of a prince who was given everything, who was given access to a top-notch education that he threw away, who had access to anything and anyone he wanted, became backed by the best PR and crisis managers in the western hemisphere, but deprived of so much that he had to run for his safety and privacy.

Isn’t that what these public tantrums are all about? security and privacy?

Getting back to some other well-known topics: Charles wasn’t much of a hugger.

“The father,” Maté continued, “who clearly loves his children can’t help but be emotionally distant. . .’

“We only know what we know,” said Harry. A tautology for eternity. “We do our best as parents.”

In his online chat by the fireplace on Saturday, Prince Harry said he viewed his book as a

In his online chat by the fireplace on Saturday, Prince Harry said he viewed his book as a “service”. But to access this chat, I had to spend $37.15 for a ticket and a copy of Spare, whether I wanted the book or not.

On the memoirs we had to buy: “I want this to be an act of service,” Harry said. ‘It must be . . . how to save a life.’

‘Waaagh’: Saving lives, one stubborn complaint after another.

Maté didn’t elaborate on the more gruesome parts of Harry’s book: the taunting of the disabled schoolteacher. Bragging about his “killings” in Afghanistan. The sheer lack of gratitude for a privileged life few in history have ever known.

Instead, Maté offered this little piece of advice: “None of us are a victim if we choose not to be.”

Forgiveness? Does Maté know who he’s talking to?

Harry conquered this hilarity with his thoughts on therapy. “I would always encourage people,” he said, “not to wait until they’re in the fetal position on the kitchen floor.”

Like his wife? Harry wrote that after arguing over bridesmaid dresses via text message with Kate, Meghan came home to find his wife “sobbing on the floor”.

About Meghan: “People said my wife saved me,” Harry said. “She is an extraordinary person.” He spoke of losing his temper once while they were dating, and Meghan asked him if “he grew up that way” – men speaking to women that way and finding it acceptable.

It was, said Harry, “an aha moment.”

Well, Harry has given King Charles and Prince William another aha moment of his own – he can now imply that the men in his family verbally abuse their wives.

Surely the invitation to the coronation is in the mail.