“We can’t trust you, you always think everything is beautiful. »
Published at 1:26 am. Updated at 8:00 a.m.
My sister finally confessed this to me after trying on a fourth dress, still dissatisfied. His comment made me laugh. It’s true, I always think she’s beautiful. Am I still lacking critical thinking skills?
If we say the good things we think about people too often, they may doubt our sincerity.
The problem is, I like compliments. I give it out by the scoopful to friends and strangers alike. Beautiful shirt, beautiful hair, great attitude. I love telling children that they are relevant even if they can’t speak yet. They are beautiful, everyone tells them so. But who underlines their relevance?
I love exaggeration; Each new crush becomes “my favorite.” I have several Greatest Songs Ever and Greatest Movies Ever. When I love, I love a lot. And I often love it.
Why should you be ashamed? I observe the modesty of feelings with fascination. How do quiet people do it? The controlled, reserved and mysterious ones who only allow themselves to be read when they want to? Are they seething inside and managing to hide it, or do they really not feel the need to scream their admiration in front of a dog?
Who can stay calm in front of a dog?
I’m the hot woman in the girls’ toilet. For those who don’t know, no place is as full of tenderness as the ladies’ room at a bar. Do you think we sneak away to empty our bladders or touch up makeup? NO. We come together to tell complete strangers that their lipstick is beautiful, that their boyfriend doesn’t deserve it, that they smell good, and that they need to negotiate a raise.
Lack of self-esteem? Stand there.
Although it may not be enough. The science of compliments teaches us that our self-esteem has a big impact on our relationship with praise. Attention: Science shows surprisingly little interest in the topic. So far we have done this mainly in education to understand the effects of compliments on children’s motivation. However, a study published in September 2022 in Current Psychology1 examines their connection to social psychology, the psychology of emotions and personality traits.
Researchers Jessica S. Morton, Moïra Mikolajczak and Olivier Luminet argue that the concept of merit is central to compliments. When we congratulate someone, we believe it is because that person has achieved a high standard.
When we receive a compliment, we compare it to our own standards and the vision we have of ourselves.
According to researchers, it’s not so much the message we hear that creates an impact at home, but rather what we perceive, understand and remember. For example, people with low self-esteem tend to reject praise. How can we deal with positive information if we believe we are less good than average?
The admiration of others can breed distrust, even when we feel we deserve compliments. According to researchers, our reaction actually depends on the level of sincerity we perceive in the other and the purpose of the praise… Are they trying to manipulate us? Are we now guilty of the person who flatters our ego?
The norm of reciprocity can encourage us to reciprocate the compliments we receive. The reflex is understandable, but obviously not every praise is given in the hope of receiving it. Sometimes it’s a question of personality.
Jean Descôteaux, Associate Professor in the Psychology Department at the University of Sherbrooke, taught me: “ [l’]One of the prevailing personality theories (Allport) assumes that every person has more or less pronounced characteristics in five areas: extroversion, neuroticism, openness, conscientiousness and agreeableness. As might be expected, extroverted people are more likely to feel and express positive emotions and maintain an optimistic outlook. They also tend to seek interpersonal contact and be warm.”
Extroverts can give compliments more easily, as the three researchers also highlighted in their article. After all, it is a good way to congratulate the people around us… In addition, Jean Descôteaux adds: “Another of the dominant personality theories (Murray) tends to assume that people differ in terms of motives or needs: power, achievement and belonging.”/intimacy. People with a higher motive or need for belonging/intimacy tend to interpret situations involving other people as opportunities to socialize and make new friends. »
I think that’s it.
The world is absurd, I don’t know where we are going, I often wonder what I am for and what allows me to find a little meaning in this chaos is to make connections. Ideally by reminding others of their value.
Of course I win too. I become the one who might be able to make them feel lighter for a quarter of a second. Give and take.
This is all to inform you that I am back for a new column season and am passionate about writing about people I find beautiful, topics I think are good, and questions that destroy any neutrality in me. As always, your leads are welcome. I like finding out what drives you.
And no matter what my sister says, you can trust me, I know how to recognize beauty (even if I see it everywhere).