“I once had a casual relationship with a very attractive woman I met on Tinder. There was this famous chemistry on the first date and we ended up going to the motel without a second thought. I felt a very strong odor coming from her vulva and I thought, ‘What if she asks me to give a hearing? What am I going to do?” I then suggested that we take a shower to exchange private kisses. Luckily she confessed that she did.” I don’t like that kind of caress down there. I breathed a sigh of relief.”
The report by construction engineer João Silva, 37, illustrates a condition that many people are familiar with today: the total aversion to oral sex.
In 2015, researchers from Northeastern University in the US surveyed 300 North American men and women and found that more than a tenth of them (10.8%) felt disgusted when using this modality on their partners.
At a time when autonomy and sexual freedom are increasingly being preached, why is this practice still viewed with reservations by some?
“Because sex is still penetrative, as if that were the goal of the relationship and not pleasure,” notes Fernanda Viana, sexologist and health and sex education consultant.
“This perception is related to a concept developed a century ago that preaches that sex is something dirty and shameful. In fact, recent studies show that many men’s lack of hygiene is a factor that prevents many women from exploring more oral sex.” , emphasis.
For pelvic physiotherapist, sex therapist, and master’s and doctoral student at Universidade Estadual Paulista (UNESP), Gianluca LM Leme, many of these concepts are directly linked to the traditions and taboos of the past.
“It has to do with our culture and with everything that has been repeated for more than two millennia: that sexual pleasure is wrong. From the point of view of tradition, almost all practices other than vaginal sex are considered sinful, dirty. and reprehensible,” emphasizes the scholar.
Therefore, the sensation of having the mouth in direct contact with the vagina or penis—parts associated with impurity—can make many people uncomfortable.
“It is common for some to be disgusted by the appearance of the organs, the genitals, the hair, the vulvar moisture, and also the female and male fluids that are released during sexual practice,” says sexologist and couples therapist Roberta Pessoa.
“Many women also have an aversion to the smell and taste of semen,” she adds.
What is offputting for some, however, can be quite exciting for others.
“Of course there are those who are very excited by the characteristic smell of the genitals and sweat. It is important to understand that there is pleasure for everyone,” emphasizes Fernanda Viana.
She also informs that people in general tend to build their sexual repertoire according to the cultural variables into which they are fitted.
“It’s more than obvious. In the Middle Ages, for example, the demand for beauty and desired physical characteristics were very different from today. Everything changes depending on the generation and customs,” confirms the expert.
Roberta Pessoa agrees and moves on. “Our thoughts and behavioral strategies in sexuality are shaped by everything that surrounds us, from beliefs about family, culture, religion, education, the media and social pressures,” he argues.
hygiene and health
Regardless of hygiene, experts emphasize that oral sex can be a channel for transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as syphilis, gonorrhea, and herpes.
“These diseases can be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals or vice versa,” warns Lú Camillo, sexologist and health and sex education consultant.
Therefore, she emphasizes, the condom is an indispensable element in these times.
“I always recommend using condoms as it can be the only protection if you are unsure about the health of our partners,” he advises.
Roberta Pessoa points out that there are protections on the market for both men and women.
“The man can use the traditional condom and the woman the inner one, which is cut off and placed on the outside.
Pleasure X Obligation
With the widespread consumption and influence of pornography in modern society, the practice of oral sex seems to have become a duty. But does it end up affecting our intimate relationships?
“Historically, we live in a transitional period. Forced sex used to be inextricably linked to marriage. Today, however, the pressure comes from society,” muses Fernanda Viana.
So the key is to find the balance.
“Female empowerment, consent, and the autonomy of bodies make people more selective in their choice of partnerships. It’s a positive start,” Fernanda muses.
However, it’s important not to do what we don’t like in sex, advises Gianluca LM Leme.
“You should always ask yourself whether oral or other sexual practices make you uncomfortable. If the answer is yes, seek professional help to get to the root of your ailments,” he suggests.
Fernanda Viana guarantees that sexual pleasure can be found through various methods; Therefore, any action that causes friction between couples should be avoided.
“It’s important that people talk about what they like and don’t like about their intimacy and also that they make agreements with each other. If someone doesn’t want to do something, it doesn’t have to be a problem. Sincere dialogue is essential to minimize conflict and find the path to contentment,” he concludes.