Parents undeniably have an influence on referees, but also on their children. The words they use are of the utmost importance and former National Hockey League player Bruno Gervais learned that the hard way.
The TV analyst never wanted to push his 7-year-old son to play hockey. But during the pandemic, he quickly realized he wasn’t always saying “the right thing.”
“There was a lot of training and no games. “It got on my husband’s nerves, he didn’t like training, he wanted to play,” says Mr Gervais. I told him that there are more practices than games in the National League. I thought he understood that you have to practice to get better. But when he spoke to my wife, he said, “Dad wants me to train so I can be in the NHL.” I then gave the example of someone who would like to juggle. To get there, you have to practice it.”
To avoid such situations and excesses in the stands, the former New York Islanders, Tampa Bay Lightning and Philadelphia Flyers defenseman invites parents to attend Respect Group’s training classes, for which he serves as director of client relations.
“It just opens up the conversation. I suggest that people do the training and do it again with their kids and listen to them. Intentions are good, but when emotions are involved, we make mistakes,” notes Mr Gervais, who wants adults to “put themselves in the shoes of young people” and “take a step back”.
“Sometimes parents want to do too much,” he continues. But you have to let the kids go and face the odds. You have to give them tools to learn to react instead of reacting for them.”
Training that is still not compulsory
Parent savoir vivre training will not be mandatory for next season, but Hockey Quebec is considering this option for 2024-2025. The problem lies in the imposition of sanctions on parents who do not follow the instructions.
“We don’t want to stop a child from playing,” summarizes Jean-François Leblond, Hockey Quebec director of programs and coaching.
It states that around 500 parents have already taken part in the training on a voluntary basis.
Bruno Gervais announcing the 2021 AHL All-Star Classic in Laval. Photo archive, QMI Agency, TOMA ICZKOVITS
“anxious”
“We’re in an Amazon meritocracy where we want everything now,” adds Mr. Gervais. But it doesn’t suit children’s sport, it’s scary. The aim is not to perform, but to discover a passion in which the environment is fun to develop the athlete and the person.
Mr. Gervais was able to personally see the negative effects of harmful parenting by following his son into the arenas and serving as governor of the Gaulois M18 AAA of Saint-Hyacinthe. This last team also lost their coach due to the pressure and aggressiveness of some parents. Mr Gervais’ coaching career only lasted one season as his experience was ‘a chill’.
“I remember once a referee sent the wrong player to the penalty box. It wasn’t the end of the world. But the father of the penalized player went insane. He kept screaming. His man panicked and started pointing at his offending teammate. The next day, the father wrote an email to the other parents apologizing. It’s good, but it has created a conflict in the team. It took 10 to 12 days for the coaches to deal with the situation,” says Mr Gervais.
“People don’t realize how difficult it is to be a referee,” he adds. There are officials who have over 1,500 NHL games and make mistakes in every game. It’s important to explain it to children because mistakes are human.”