As an attorney and retired NYPD inspector, I’ve been told quite a few stories over the course of my time. This lands somewhere between “Beowulf” and Monty Python.
Now let’s uncover these mysteries hidden deep in the story.
As we’ve all heard by now, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex (wasn’t he recently banned from the Empire or something?) claim they were followed by paparazzi after exiting an event in downtown Manhattan on Tuesday night at a “near-catastrophic” car chase that lasted two hours.
PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKLE: SWITCHING FROM PROTECTED SUV TO TAXI DURING PURSUIT MAKES ‘ZERO SENSE’: SECURITY EXPERT
A fast-paced chase. In the middle of Manhattan. For two hours.
With an NYPD escort.
Caught.
Let’s start at the beginning. Harry and Meghan left a glamorous gala where Meghan had received the highest award, the so-called “Women of Vision” award.
The best “woman with vision” in the country? Megan Markle? Did I miss something? Was that at Friar’s Club?
What ever. They then jumped into their waiting car — driven by private security and flanked by three other SUVs — and probably drove a 15-minute drive to an apartment building on the Upper East Side.
But then the monsters came down. There are dragons! With cameras. Making pictures.
zones. Run away! Run away!
Not since Arthur and Guinevere has a couple craved the limelight quite like these two (regardless of what they claim). Her move to California eventually served to break into the film world.
PRINCE HARRY and MEGHAN MARKLE get a phone call from Princess Diana’s former bodyguard about an alleged car chase
So no, the photographers weren’t the problem. Here’s what probably happened.
Most celebrities are involved with photographers (in fact most of them want to be photographed. It’s called show business, right?). What they don’t want, however, is for anyone to know where they live (according to reports, Harry and Meghan were heading to their usual place of residence in the city).
That’s not unreasonable. The Upper Eastside is townhouse-centric. The couple are likely staying in a friend’s brownstone there — meaning there’s no lobby or doorman. This is difficult to secure and could make them a target not only for paparazzi but potentially annoying crowds or worse (my tip would have been a concierge building with indoor parking but the royals never ask me about such things).
In a bid to shake off subsequent photographers, the couple’s driver was likely told not to return home until he lost their pursuers. And by the way, we wish to be home soon, my good man.
Invoke the game of cat and mouse that led to the Duke and Duchess of Woke finally deciding to take refuge in the parapets of the 19th Ward (“Hey, we’re just kidding about the whole Defund thing! ’) where a startled desk sergeant arrived, likely asking her if she had a complaint of stalking 3 (‘deliberately engaging in conduct directed towards this person which may cause that person to have a reasonable fear of physical harm…’) or reckless endangerment 2 ( “commits conduct”) which creates a significant risk of serious bodily harm to another person”).
PRINCE HARRY, MEGHAN MARKLE, NYC CAR INCIDENT, NOT KING CHARLES’ PROBLEM: ROYAL WATCHER
Now, the NYPD escort vehicle involved in all this was almost certainly just a precautionary measure to monitor the transit of a celebrity couple whose public presence could cause disruption (traffic problems, crowds, etc.).
That’s always a tricky call. The PD doesn’t want to be seen as a favorite (and I believe Harry is technically a civilian now unless there’s a ceremony of his release with Excalibur or something). On the other hand, the cops don’t want to be the last to know that traffic has frozen on Sixth Avenue because of a group of onlookers at a celebrity-studded event.
Given what happened, it seems the police made the right decision in covering them for the short trip.
Gloria Steinem and Meghan Markle smile on the red carpet at the Ms. Foundation event in New York. (Kevin Mazur)
But if the “near catastrophic” situation did occur, it was probably not the fault of the paparazzi, but of the reckless attempt to flee from them. While the patrol escort is just trying to keep up.
Honestly, I doubt anything “near catastrophic” happened. A senior police source reported no 911 calls, no reports of car collisions and that the incident “definitely lasted less than two hours”. (And if that caravan—which must have consisted of at least a dozen cars—had gone anything remotely like what was claimed, there would have been 911 calls, believe me).
CLICK HERE TO RECEIVE THE OPINION NEWSLETTER
Eventually our roving knight and his distraught maiden managed to find sanctuary in a golden chariot (a yellow cab) which circled for a while (supposedly still being pursued by two paparazzi/monsters) and then returned to the 19th (had they tipped ? grant indulgences? ). Afterward, they reportedly “made their way home on their own.”
Wait – like I said, they left? In the street? After all this?
In a gilded dress that could be seen from the Tower of London?
Why do I get the feeling that a cop who comes by at lunchtime suddenly gets an assignment involving the squad car?
Look, if we were back to the Crusades or something, maybe this story could float like a witch in a moat.
But in New York today, the public doesn’t buy it. The mayor and the police don’t buy it. Even Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t buy it.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP
M’lady Meghan, Sir Whine-alot: It’s the common people who have common sense. Maybe you should have stayed across the pond on this whole duke and duchess thing?
And with that, dear readers, the fable ends.
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BY PAUL MAURO