Society has changed a lot, but many men still find it difficult to express their feelings and talk about their experiences. At the initiative of the late Guy Corneau, the organization Hommes Québec offers men’s talk groups in all regions of the province to discuss various topics related to masculinity.
Richard always felt misunderstood by his family. “I was the second of the siblings who came too quickly, not wanted,” he says. I first turned to religion for some help. But over time I realized that religion is nonsense. On the other hand, I didn’t want to throw away my spirituality.
Knowing the work of Guy Corneau, he wanted to join a group of Hommes Québec. “I saw an opportunity to change the way I reacted. I was a terribly violent young man, both towards others and towards myself. I got angry very quickly and hit out hard.
learn to trust
From the start, Richard knew he had a lot to learn from others, especially from contact with the most experienced. “They didn’t accept my way of expressing myself at all. I literally spoke, I was knowledge itself. But I didn’t go through my feelings at all.” In groups, the rule is to talk to yourself, to talk about yourself and to find your own feelings.
Richard, a former teacher, had to think about the way he spoke to the other men in his group. “I realized there was an advantage in just talking about yourself, without judgement. Listening to others is also terribly effective.”
A beneficial approach
All the topics discussed in the groups are interesting in that they encourage speaking. But opening up to a small group of men, generally six, isn’t necessarily easy. “When others welcome your word and aren’t judgmental, it’s terribly rewarding. To be honest, I didn’t really believe it could be so beneficial. When you share what you went through and how you responded to those events, it feels great because you know someone was listening and hearing you.
Unlike a session with a psychologist, these groups do not give the impression of being in healing. “The approach is different. We talk like a bunch of buddies, but they’re not friends. We are people who listen to others, that changes everything. The conversation is very different than what you can have with loved ones. There is no affection.”
Richard admits his personality has changed. “I don’t feel any less negative things, but I can welcome my feelings. For example, my wife recently hitched the car. I was angry, but looked at the situation with hindsight. I wondered what getting angry would change. I waited to calm down, walked around the block, and then approached the situation more calmly.
Listen and be heard
In a situation of marital failure, job loss, if you are suffering from loneliness, isolation or if you are overwhelmed by a situation, there are many situations in which you can turn to Hommes Québec.
“Our goal is to free the flow that surrounds men’s emotional lives,” said Vincent Perreault, vice president of the Board of Hommes Québec. When a man feels at an impasse, wants to talk about it without being judged, without getting all sorts of advice, just to be welcomed in his need or suffering, listening and talking will be beneficial.” Hommes Québec stands open to everyone, at any time of their life. There is no prescribed duration, but according to Vincent Perreault, we can learn the lessons from the testimonies of others.