Holiday family reunions aren’t for everyone. For some people, these annual gatherings represent uncomfortable and sometimes destabilizing mandatory events.
Audrey, in her early thirties, has always developed in a home open to others. “When I was a kid, my parents’ friends were always at home, it was a bit of their sanctuary. My parents had me very young and they were the first in their gang to have a house and a child when they were in their early twenties. It was a festive, happy and friendly atmosphere. There was always a friend at home, we were rarely alone with the family.
Although quite shy, Audrey was gregarious in nature and was comfortable with adults. “The family was also very present. My mother talked to my grandmother almost every day, my uncles stopped by the house regularly. We also had the traditional meal at my grandparents’ almost every Sunday. I grew up in a close family, as they say, plus a close circle of friends.”
However, as soon as she had the opportunity, Audrey stopped going to dinner parties with her grandparents and at home she preferred to eat alone in her room, putting her independence on the backs of her youth. . “My parents were okay with the idea and since they were with their friends I don’t think they cared too much about me. For my part, I developed a desire for solitude. I wanted peace and quiet, maybe I also suffered from not having my parents to myself.
At the age of 17, Audrey decided to go to a CEGEP on the other side of the province. “I could have stayed in Montreal, but I preferred to go to the ATM in Jonquière. It suited me to be separated from my parents, no longer having to endure dinners with family or friends, and to have peace of mind. I wanted to cut the umbilical cord, make a living, and while I’ve always stayed close to my parents, I didn’t want any more commitments.”
Only Christmas dinner remained ingrained in his habits. “Since I only see the extended family once a year, I’m still happy to spend some time with them, but I always make sure it doesn’t last hours.”
Audrey, who has been with Sophie for a number of years, confides in her that she has the same difficult relationship when she has to go out to dinner with her friend’s family. “I’m fine with eating out in small groups with my in-laws, but when it comes to large family gatherings, I’m uncomfortable. It seems that the number impresses me and almost makes me panic, I don’t know how to act, what to say, who to talk to…”
How to survive family reunions?
In order for Christmas and New Year’s celebrations with the family to pass in joy and fun, even if this prospect makes you uncomfortable, it is necessary to prepare mentally. The priority is to respect your emotions without blaming others. Focus on those who are happy to see you and try to imitate them. Before the evening, do some introspection trying to understand what is really bothering you in these meetings and try to find a solution. Finally, set a boundary in your mind and get out of the party before you get there.