FIVE birthdays have passed for Thomas Markle since he last spoke to his daughter Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex. Today, July 18th, is the sixth. He’s 78, an age at which a man likes to have his affairs in order.
But for Mr. Markle, the rift with the girl he once brought into the Hollywood studios, where he manipulated the lighting for some of network television’s most popular shows, is deeper today than ever.
Of all the fractured relationships that have marked the lives of Meghan and Prince Harry since their split from the royal family, the way they parted ways with the Duchess’ father is surely the cruellest.
There was no slick palace operation or soothing words to protect the elderly Tom Markle like there was for Prince William or his father King Charles, for example. Mr Markle had to fend for himself.
No wonder his public outbursts about his treatment were bitter. But in the bitterness there is also a sadness, a regret for what could have been. Not only did he never meet his son-in-law, but he was also stripped of his role as Archie and Lilibet’s grandfather.
Today, it is just over a year since Mr. Markle was critically ill and unable to speak after suffering a stroke. This is how Richard Kay described the situation at the time.
A proud and protective Thomas Markle with his daughter Meghan. The two seem to be in love with each other
How different everything could have been, not only for Thomas Markle but also for Prince Harry.
Far from home, having his father-in-law’s kind person to turn to might have given Harry the stability he’s so obviously lacked since leaving his own family.
And who better to introduce him to the realities of life in an interracial marriage than Mr. Markle? But none of that wisdom was available to Harry. Instead, their relationship was marked by bitter distrust.
It didn’t help that Mr Markle voiced his own uncompromising view of his daughter and her husband. Accusing Harry of being “snotty” and an “idiot” being “whipped” by Meghan would likely never endear him to his son-in-law.
Still, that doesn’t excuse Harry’s own behavior. The roots of this dissatisfaction lie in the weeks leading up to Harry and Meghan’s royal wedding in 2018.
It was revealed that Mr Markle had worked with a paparazzi photographer to stage images of him getting ready for the wedding, from reading British history to trying on a wedding suit.
Prince Harry and his new bride Meghan leave their 2018 wedding at St George’s Chapel in Windsor. Her father Thomas Markle had suffered a heart attack and was unable to attend
Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex, wave from their carriage in a procession through Windsor following the ceremony
Harry and Meghan with their first child, Archie Mountbatten. Archie never met his grandfather Thomas Markle
It was naive, even stupid, but hardly premeditated. The irony was that this act of invasion of his privacy came at precisely the time when palace officials were sternly warning the media against harassing him.
Indeed, one could not help but conclude that the royal advisers had not realized that this lonely but thoroughly decent man would have to contend with the enormity of his daughter’s marriage into the British royal family.
It seemed remarkable then – and it still seems today – that no reasonable effort was made to prepare Mr Markle for the news by providing an aide to brief him, or better yet, fly him to London and him placed in a royal home where he could have acclimatized before the wedding.
But perhaps the most puzzling failure of all was Harry’s. Even now, four years later, it’s hard to understand why Harry didn’t meet his girlfriend’s father in person like any future son-in-law would.
There must have been countless opportunities for Harry (and Meghan) to pay their father a private visit – long before he started giving interviews.
When Thomas announced on the eve of the wedding that he would not give his daughter away due to heart problems, the relationship between the two men became toxic.
Mr Markle said he hung up during a heated phone conversation with Harry. Although he accepted that the prince had every right to reprimand him for the staged photos, he described the timing of the call as “rude”.
While admitting to lying about the incident, he added, “There is a time and place to say what he said, but not when I’m in the hospital after having a heart attack.” he ended the call after telling the prince, “Perhaps it would be better for you if I were dead…then you could pretend to be sad.” The resentment had been simmering for some time.
He claimed that when word of the couple’s engagement broke, two representatives from the British consulate in Los Angeles visited the home of his ex-wife Doria Ragland – Meghan’s mother – to present her with a copy of the official scroll containing the Queen’s announcement.
“No one came to my door in Mexico,” he complained. “I would have liked the engagement announcement, too.”
Irritated perhaps, but perfectly understandable.
Meghan and her parents Tom and Doria are pictured together in happier times
The Sussexes and Cambridges demonstrated their unity after the death of Queen Elizabeth II. The couple’s relationship is badly broken – but Thomas Markle has been completely eclipsed.
The Duke and Duchess stand at Wellington Arch as they attend the State Funeral of Queen Elizabeth II
But when the Duke and Duchess interviewed Oprah Winfrey last year, Meghan described the Fake Pictures episode as feeling a “betrayal.”
She said she asked her father directly if he had spoken to tabloids (about the pictures), and he replied, “No, absolutely not.” She said she told him, “If you tell me the truth, can we help.” According to Meghan, her father “wasn’t able to do it” and she described his refusal to answer as “so difficult for me to deal with.”
Of course, by the time of the interview, the couple had long since slammed the door in Mr. Markle’s face.
But instead of seeking a reconciliation, the relationship continued to fall apart.
In December 2018, Thomas claimed he had been “ghosted” by his daughter and that she had not responded to countless attempts to contact her. The situation was made even worse when The Mail on Sunday revealed details of a handwritten letter she had sent him.
The Duchess sued the newspaper for reproducing parts of the “personal and private” letter and paid damages for infringement of her copyright.
Even then, a rapprochement might still have been possible. Thomas longs to see his two grandchildren, Archie and Lilibet.
It is not just three people who have been harmed by this escalating tragedy, but five people who have been separated by this bitter disagreement.
Harry has spoken about how sad it was that his mother, Princess Diana, never met Meghan. How much sadder will it be if he never meets Meghan’s father.
Imagine how much he could learn about fatherhood from the man who uniquely enlightened his daughter about her multiracial parentage. Meghan proudly recalled unwrapping a present one Christmas day that contained a set of Barbie dolls that Thomas had specially made to represent her family – one black doll and one white.
The Duchess and Duke of Sussex at the 2022 Invictus Games. They appear determined to continue without Thomas Markle
Meghan, her mother Doria and Harry are celebrating Archie’s first birthday
After her parents’ divorce in 1987, young Meghan lived with her mother but continued to spend time with her father, who often took her to the television studios where he worked.
When he won money in the California State Lottery in 1990, Thomas invested some of it but spent the majority on his children – Thomas junior and Samantha from a previous marriage – and funded Meghan’s attendance at a Catholic high school.
For Meghan, these were formative years, during which she mostly lived with her father. Of course, Doria could tell the prince something about Meghan’s childhood, but to get the full picture, her father has to be included as well.
Is it really too late for Harry to put the past behind him and turn to Mr. Markle? I don’t think so – but if he doesn’t, I’m afraid he’ll regret it eventually.