Sex is sex is sex. Despite the emotional anxiety that accompanies it, the sex act is simple, easy, and more often than not over in minutes. (I meant to say seconds but don’t want to offend).
The funny thing is that despite my decade in the adult industry, I very rarely talk about sex. Believe it or not, I’m pretty conservative.
And despite my experience as an escort and getting to know men better than they know themselves, the job has always been more about connection and emotional intimacy than the physical side of things.
Sex is not the main reason why men book escorts. It’s not the main reason they spend thousands upon thousands of dollars, and I’ve talked at length about why they cheat — that they’re looking for something deeper than a quick bang in bed.
Because let’s face it, sex isn’t hard to come by these days, regardless of gender.
Samantha X revealed that sex isn’t the main reason men book escorts
Pizza? Order. Alcohol? Order. Sex? Which online dating app will it be tonight?
Just as I know how men think and why they behave the way I do, I also know what they like in bed. I also know that they have a hard time expressing their secret desires, so I will do it for them.
Here are the top three bedroom hacks that turn men on. Sex is a two-way street, and women’s needs are just as important, but I’ll get to that in another column.
1. Trust
I’ve said it before, but it’s really the most important thing that turns her on.
You don’t have to be a size 8, you don’t need big fake boobs or a labia job to be sexy – you are sexy the way YOU ARE.
Leave the lights on, open the curtains, don’t hide in the dark hoping he won’t see your stretch marks. He won’t notice her as much as you will.
Don’t apologize for your body, don’t point out the things you hate about your looks. Own who you are without apologies. Nothing turns a man on more than a woman who owns it.
And I can assure you, they care more about how they look naked, as do you. We live in a fake world where our lives and looks are filtered. It’s not real and it’s intimidating for all of us.
The most successful escorts I know are girls next door, real women, real bodies. Be authentic, be confident, and don’t apologize. The old adage “fake it till you make it” is spot on when it comes to getting naked.
“Dirty talk is an art and the biggest tip I can give you is the more subtle it is, the sexier it is,” advised Samantha X
2. Dirty talk
Talking dirty is an art and the biggest tip I can give you is the more subtle it is, the sexier it is.
If you yell, “Give it to me now, big boy,” he probably will, and it will all be over before your head hits the pillow. Or the pressure gets too much and he loses his erection.
Opinion poll
What do you think is the most important thing about sex?
- Confident 139 votes
- Dirty talk 29 votes
- Know what you like 149 votes
What I’ve learned is that slow and steady wins the race, imagining sexy scenarios, painting a picture in his head, slowly building tension.
I’m not asking you to pretend he’s the handyman fixing your washing machine – we know sex isn’t German porn – but imaginative roleplay works wonders.
3. Know your body
This one is super important. You need to know what turns you on. Because if you don’t, how the hell will he?
Sex can be associated with shame. Many of us are ashamed of liking it a certain way or too embarrassed to say what we want in bed. Do not be. The more you understand your body and what turns you on, the more turned on it will be.
You make his job a lot easier, and when you’re in the throes of pleasure, he will be. Nothing turns a man on more than seeing his partner excited and enjoying it. It’s a huge ego boost for them, plus they want to see the person they love happy.
If you don’t know your body or what you like in bed, experiment. Invest in sex toys, explore your body. The sexual wellness industry is booming. Sex is supposed to be fun. It should connect two people.
You don’t have sex to make her happy (or at least you shouldn’t), you should enjoy the act of pleasure for you as much as her.
Men are not that complex, their needs are simple. But as for the women? Our needs are much more demanding. Charmed? Find out next time.