Woody Harrelson hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time on Saturday, in part to promote his new film Champions.
The 61-year-old actor began with a long, rambling monologue and ended the show by receiving a Five-Timers Club jacket from fellow actress Scarlett Johansson.
Harrelson opened up about his hosting duties by saying he loves everyone, possibly because he’s a “redneck hippie.”
He then mentioned that it was his fifth time hosting the show, which made him a part of the famous Five-Timers Club. The star held out his arms, expecting someone to rush out and put a jacket on his shoulders, but nobody did.
The Cheers said that the last time he hosted the show, he had a very odd experience the next day, reading a script in Central Park after “smoking a joint.”
Five-Timers Club: Woody Harrelson hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time on Saturday, in part to promote his new film Champions
Special guest: The 61-year-old actor began with a long, rambling monologue and ended the show by receiving a Five-Timers Club jacket from fellow member Scarlett Johansson (Front Row L to R: Jack White, Harrelson, Johansson).
As he slowly got closer to the point, Harrelson rattled off a list of things he could describe as “anarchist, Marxist, nondiscriminatory empath, epistemological deconstructionist, and Texan.”
He then detailed the script’s plot, which was about a cartel that forced people to take drugs if they wanted to go outside, which he didn’t find believable since he took them “voluntarily.”
In his first sketch after the break, Harrelson plays a convicted felon who is talking to his wife, who is not in prison.
He becomes poetic to his partner, saying he’ll be getting out soon, but one of the prison guards says he won’t be.
After each statement, the warden jumps in and pokes fun at Harrelson’s plans for when he finally gets out of prison.
“I can’t buy a house and I’m not in prison. I’m renting a one-bedroom apartment with a roommate,” she said after hearing that Harrelson is planning to buy his wife a house.
Another warden, played by Kenan Thompson, also enters Harrelson’s wife (Chloe Fineman) and says some reassuring if misleading things about Harrelson, including implying that the couple’s son isn’t actually Harrelson’s.
The guards then take over the phone and chat with each other, completely intruding and ending the couple’s private conversation.
After that, a digital short played where one of the cast members named Ben asks if his officemates want to hang out after work. They reject him and Harrelson asks if everything is ok between them.
“Redneck hippie”: Harrelson opened up about his hosting duties by saying he loves everyone, possibly because he’s a “redneck hippie.”
jacket on? He then mentioned that it was his fifth time hosting the show, which made him a part of the famous Five-Timers Club. The star held out his arms, expecting someone to rush out and put a jacket on his shoulders, but nobody did
Smoking: The Cheers said the last time he hosted the show he had a very strange experience the next day reading a script in Central Park after smoking a joint
Jailhouse Chat: In his first sketch after the break, Harrelson plays a convicted felon who is talking to his wife, who is not in jail
Taunting: He poetically tells his partner that he’ll be getting out soon, but one of the prison guards says he won’t be
Listening: Another guard, played by Kenan Thompson, also follows. Harrelson’s wife (Chloe Fineman) says some reassuring, if misleading, things about Harrelson
Insinuations: The guard insinuates that the couple’s son is not actually Harrelson’s
When Ben says he doesn’t know, Harrelson suggests following them to see if they hang out without the performer.
A noir title card, accompanied by detective scores, then plays as the pair engage in an observation. They turn out to be hanging out without Ben, and Harrelson pulls out a gun and asks if he wants to kill her.
His two friends snuggle up to each other before leaning in to kiss with Ben, who is shocked to see they are together. He then sees them holding a baby before seeing a full-grown family, including a “moody teenager.”
Ben wonders if the couple is keeping their relationship a secret from everyone at work, but Kenan Thompson, who the kids call Uncle Kenan, comes over to dinner and throws his cell phone away when Ben tries to text him.
They then hold “New Ben Auditions” in the living room to replace their friend with a better version.
Ben confronts the couple and they say they don’t really want to replace him before changing their minds and choosing Harrelson as the “new Ben”.
The next clip shows two couples boarding a giant roller coaster. Harrelson’s character Sam is persuaded to come along.
Coaster: After that, a digital short played where one of the cast members named Ben asks if his officemates want to hang out after work. They reject him and Harrelson asks if everything is ok between them
Not sure at first: He tries to get off the roller coaster while Kenan Thompson’s character Kevin tells him he can’t
Passed out: As the ride begins, Sam screams with delight while Kevin passes out
Confession: He then confesses that he only painted planes in the Air Force and lost his job two weeks before the incident as he wakes between moments of unconsciousness
Captain: Later, Harrelson, who plays a Navy captain, begins an impassioned speech to his crew about defending “God’s Country.”
He tries to get off the roller coaster while Kenan Thompson’s character Kevin tells him he can’t. As the ride begins, Sam screams with delight while Kevin passes out.
The duo get out before Kevin’s girlfriend says she wants to go back with him and he passes out again.
He then confesses that he only painted planes in the Air Force and lost his job two weeks before the incident, waking between moments of unconsciousness.
Later, Harrelson, who plays a Navy captain, begins an impassioned speech to his crew about defending “God’s country.”
He continues with the posh name of the ship before revealing that it is “Mr. Dingleberry’s Goochballoon ASDFJKL; 6969.’
The crew then says the name was voted on during a social media poll, and the crew reveals that everyone assumes Harrelson’s name is actually “Mr. Dingleberry.’
Harrelson’s character’s wife calls and leaves him because she doesn’t say “Mrs. Dingleberry,” and then the crew blow up the ridiculously named submarine.
Ridiculous name: He continues with the noble name of the ship before revealing that it is “Mr. Dingleberry’s Goochballoon ASDFJKL; 6969′
Mr. Dingleberry: The crew then says the name was voted on during a social media poll, and the crew reveals that everyone assumes that Harrelson’s name is actually Mr. Dingleberry
Leaving him: Harrelson’s character’s wife calls and leaves him because she doesn’t say “Mrs. dingleberry’
Group Decision: Ultimately, the crew members decide to blow up their ship instead of possibly dying on a ridiculously named submarine.
Woody then stars in a Cologuard commercial where the talking box tells him to “go inside him”. Cologuard is a colon cancer early detection tool that requires users to relieve themselves in a box and send it to a laboratory for examination.
“C’mon, we’re both having fun,” the box says to Woody. “You get the satisfaction of knowing that you’re doing everything you can to protect your colon, and I get a different kind of satisfaction. So go ahead, discharge into me.’
A female version of the box then asks if he’d rather defecate in it.
“Would you feel more comfortable dumping a little woman like me?” she asks. “Would that make you feel like a real man?
He’s then surrounded by dozens of boxes, all wanting to see him “unleash”. As the boxes come towards them, it is revealed that the boxes aren’t actually moving and Woody is actually high and hallucinating.
Improper colon cancer screening: Woody then stars in a Cologuard commercial where the talking box tells him to ‘go inside him’
“Satisfaction”: “C’mon, we’re both having fun,” the box says to Woody. “You get the satisfaction of knowing you’re doing everything you can to protect your colon, and I get a different kind of satisfaction.”
Other Box: A female version of the box then asks if he’d rather defecate in it
Approach him: He is then surrounded by dozens of boxes, all wanting to see him “unleashed”.
Very High: As the crates advance towards them, it is revealed that the crates aren’t actually moving and Woody is actually high and hallucinating.
Later in the episode, a film director (Mikey Day) tells several actors that the studio shut down their new project, The Hippo, during filming.
While the other actors complain about dying their hair and other trivial things, an actor named Keith (Harrelson in a huge fat suit) reveals that he gained 450 pounds in six months for the role.
The others continue to complain, and Keith reveals that he now has a condition called triabetes, which he describes as “that of diabetes.”
The director then reveals that Keith could have worn a heavy suit, but he turned down that option for Keith. Harrelson’s character collapses on a nearby couch.
The cast then tries to make themselves feel better by saying “I have” statements, statements about what they gained from the experience.
When it comes to Keith, he says he “hasn’t seen my penis in four months.”
Brendan Fraser’s Oscar-nominated film is referenced several times, with some of the actors saying that the actor “The Mummy” would win the coveted Oscar.
Scrapped: Later in the episode, a film director (Mikey Day) tells several actors that the studio scrapped their new project, The Hippo, during filming
450 pounds! While the other actors complain about dying their hair and other trivial things, an actor named Keith (Harrelson in a huge fat suit) reveals that he gained 450 pounds in six months for the role
‘Triabetes: The others continue to complain, and Keith reveals that he now has a condition called Triabetes, which he describes as ‘that of diabetes’
“Method”: The director then reveals that Keith could have worn a heavy suit, but he declined that option for Keith. Harrelson’s character collapses on a nearby couch
“I have”: The cast then attempts to make themselves feel better by making “I have” statements, statements about what they have gained from the experience
Huge change to his body: When it comes to Keith, he says he ‘didn’t see my pe*nis in four months’
Working out: In one of the latest clips, Harrelson and Bowen Yang play two men who are at the fanciest gym in the world
Cheesy Jokes: While lifting light weights, the two engage in a series of cheesy puns as they escalate their flirtation
In one of the latest clips, Harrelson and Bowen Yang play two men who are at the fanciest gym in the world.
Her gym features a cobblestone treadmill and stationary Vespa, among a number of other extravagant exercise machines.
While lifting light weights, the two engage in a series of cheesy puns as they escalate their flirtation.
Jack White acted as musical guest during the episode, performing “Taking Me Back Gently” and “A Tip from You to Me”.
The show ended with Thompson presenting White with a Five-Timers club jacket and hilariously walking past Harrelson, who looked offended. White was a musical guest for the fifth time on Saturday.
Johansson, who is also the wife of actor Colin Jost, then jumped on stage to give Woody his own.
Cast: Jack White acted as musical guest during the episode, performing “Taking Me Back Gently” and “A Tip from You to Me”.
Giving Jack a Jacket: The show ended with Thompson handing White a Five-Timers Club jacket and hilariously walking past Harrelson, who looked offended
Bringing his own: Johansson, who is also the wife of actor Colin Jost, then jumped on stage to give Woody his own