A sexual assault survivor is suing a New York IVF clinic after they allegedly broke an agreement to place a female embryo in her and gave birth to a boy.
Associate dean for new student transitions at CUNY Geneseo Heather Wilhelhm-Routenberg and her wife Robbie, who also serves as the university’s chief diversity officer, are suing CNY Fertility Albany in Latham on 11 counts, including breach of contract, medical malpractice and battery. They are seeking unspecified damages. CNY Fertility has declined to comment on the case.
The couple told the New York Post that they decided Heather would have their child through in vitro fertilization (IVF) after Robbie miscarried during her first attempt for a daughter.
They had chosen to implant each other’s embryos, meaning Robbie got one from Heather’s and Heather got one from Robbie’s after the first miscarriage. The couple were assured that all implanted embryos would be female.
At first, the couple were excited about having another child, the New York Post reported.
However, as the couple neared the 15-week benchmark of the fertilization process, their obstetrician-gynecologist (OB-GYN) reviewed the QNatal test (a simple blood test that can screen for certain genetic disorders, including a deficiency in chromosomes). ) of Heather’s pregnancy.
Heather Wilhelm-Routenberg, left, is suing after claiming a New York IVF clinic broke an agreement to implant only female embryos in her. Her wife Robbie is pictured at right
The doctor, whose name was not given, asked the couple, “Wait, do you know the sex of the baby?”
“We’re having a girl,” Heather replied. “Having a girl is very important to me,” she added. But the couple were horrified to discover they did in fact have a boy, as Heather said it was “just like being raped” to learn she had a male fetus inside her.
They initially feared that someone else’s embryo had been accidentally implanted and not Robbie’s. However, later tests revealed that the embryo did in fact belong to Robbie.
Heather recalled the moment they found out what had happened: “Our jaws dropped on the floor. I was convinced it had to be the result of someone else.
“I looked at Robbie and said, ‘What if it’s not yours – who’s in my body?!’ That’s when I freaked out, that’s when I felt like my body was being held hostage. I assumed it was someone else’s embryo, not the wrong embryo of ours.
“It scared me to death. I don’t know how to explain this – it felt like an alien was living inside me.
“I said to Robbie, ‘If that’s someone else’s child, we have to give it back.’
“Our mayor offered us to cancel. I respect other people’s choices, but it was never a choice I could make under the circumstances. I was hoping desperately that someone would have our baby and we would switch post birth and it would be this happy story.
Heather, pictured with Robbie, survived two sexual assaults and says the trauma from those assaults pushed her to have a baby girl. She says discovering she was pregnant with a boy traumatized her again
Prior to her pregnancy, Heather had suffered trauma after dropping out of college after being the victim of sexual assault carried out by two men on two separate occasions. She told the Post that she never considered having a boy because of the assaults and the stigma in today’s society about what it means to be a “real man.”
The night before her ultrasound, which took place the day after her QNatal test, Heather recalled lying in bed and overwhelmed by the thought, “This can’t happen!” Not only was the baby in my body not ours, it was this Baby in my body was male and was put there against my will, just like a rape.’
She started having negative, dark thoughts and compared them to the ones she had after being sexually assaulted. Robbie tried to offer comfort, but Heather was desperate.
The couple met in 2002 while completing their undergraduate degrees at SUNY Geneseo, where they both now work. The pair were in an on-and-off relationship before deciding to give it another go in 2008. They did it successfully before getting married in 2012.
Then the couple wanted to have two daughters and knew that at the age of 35 they were warned that they were relatively old when they signed up for IVF.
“We wanted to minimize the risk of anything going wrong, so the clinic recommended genetic testing of the embryos,” Heather said. “We chose CNY because they agreed that we can select female embryos. We never intended to use the males.’
Heather says learning that she was expecting a boy caused further emotional distress. She gave birth to a child in December 2020 and is now learning to bond with her infant son
Heather and Robbie continued with and completed the pregnancy.
Heather was taken to the ER at 27 weeks with bleeding and found she had suffered a placental abruption.
She says she’s convinced the stress of gender rehearsal caused the medical emergency.
Heather recalls, “I was put on modified bed rest. I just wanted the baby out of me. That sounds terrible, but it’s true. We were so worried about my going down the drain, we didn’t talk about the baby unless we had to.
The couple’s son, whom they have not named, arrived in December 2020 and was taken to the NICU.
Heather and Robbie are now friends with their son and Heather says she feels very guilty about the way he was born.
She explained: “I wanted a skin-to-skin connection, but I ended up wearing things so he wouldn’t touch my chest. When he did, it sent electric shock waves through me.
CNY Fertility, pictured, is yet to comment on the alleged error
“I started to feel extreme anxiety. I would look at the baby and it would grimace in the faces of all these grown men I know. It was so scary. Whenever that happened, I had to give the baby to Robbie.’
Heather shared how she suffered from postpartum depression and suicidal thoughts at her lowest point, but says she’s beginning to come to terms with what happened.
She said: “I never want to seem ungrateful. If it were me, he wouldn’t be here.
“The baby is now a year and a half and I think about the mistake all the time. He’s a nice kid. He smiles just like Robbie, he has Robbie’s dimples and that makes it easier. Our son is made of magic. He does things to be funny – he uses certain pitches and laughs to make us laugh. He’s hilarious and he was a simple baby.’
Heather says she bonded with Robbie, adding: “I feel immense guilt and shame at not being able to be emotionally present for him. I don’t want to play the victim.
“He’s an innocent creature, he didn’t deserve any of this. The clinic screwed up something so important: our baby’s first formative years. That’s why I’m doing this – because I love my child so much. We think our son deserved that bond from the start.”