“Everything is fine,” JP Crawford asserted, staring slightly off-center at the camera for some reason, “there’s nothing to worry about.”
The Seattle Mariners shortstop wiped raindrops from his brow for the first of several dozen times while the clearly phone-taped clip was sent to the media via Chicago White Sox PR. He narrowed his eyes, as if perhaps trying to see something in the distance, and continued.
“Despite h-hateful and false reports that playing today’s game was an ill-advised mandate from the W-White Sox, this matchup in n-no matter how badly they prepared their field to host professional baseball, I can assure you.” you that there is no-NO validity! We all agreed with Mr. La Russa when we saw the 45 minute stretch where the weather people said “light rain” and he said: “In the 70’s we played most of our games in 45 minutes, I don’t see a problem with that everything.'”
At this point, the camera moved down briefly before refocusing, with a muffled voice from the cameraman appearing to call out to Crawford with urgency. Seattle’s shortstop responded with apparent concern.
“Okay okay! Put Haniger down, he didn’t do anything! (quietly) I mean, he really didn’t… sorry, sorry! Um, oh, yeah. I’m speaking on behalf of our starter Robbie Ray, there was in the second inning no problems with the field and he wants me to tell him without coercion or threats with his life that the mound has been in excellent form all night, especially in the second inning.
There were no issues that could have been addressed by the Chicago field team in the midst of that late second as Chicago scored four of their six carries, including three on a wild field, a pair of groundball “singles” and a ball for me, that a deeply fake video cut on the show made me look like my feet had slipped a foot or two in the mud.
Crawford’s eyes seem to dart away quickly for a moment, then he appears to say an “I’m sorry” to the camera before continuing at a more frantic pace.
“Uh, uh, yeah, anyway, everything is fine here in Chicago, tomorrow’s game should be great. We still scored four runs tonight, we only lost with two! Everyone was having fun, right boys? You can hear her laughing I’m sure ha ha ha oh uhh France hit a bomb! That was great! Everyone liked that! Even the first inning while it was still dry… LIKE THE WHOLE GAME WAS YES, OKAY YES, LET TORO GO! Yes, it’s true we managed our runs in ways that were imprecise too, we can’t complain, and both mean and average rainfall throughout the game were closer to zero inches per hour than six! No, no, Scott, I won’t -“
Servais said that when it was pouring rain in the second inning and it was obvious it should have stopped even for a moment, he looked at the umps and said:
“What are we doing here?”
— Ryan Divish (@RyanDivish) April 14, 2022
The video ended there, leaving us all curious as to what exactly happened in Chicago on Wednesday night. Tony La Russa, Scott Servais and all members of the Seattle Mariners roster and touring party could not be immediately reached for comment.