They have become an integral part of our lives: smartphones. No wonder children also come into contact with them from an early age. This makes the challenge that many parents face in this context even greater: although a smartphone brings many advantages in everyday life, it also presents the risk of problematic or dangerous content. So how do you react correctly when your kids come across horror videos, receive questionable links, or perhaps share them in the class chat? A digital expert explains what parents should pay attention to.
From the age of ten to eleven, more than half of children in Germany have their own smartphone. These numbers come from the annual KIM (“Childhood, Internet, Media”) study and show: Smartphones are playing an increasingly important role in children’s lives, which is also confirmed by digital coach Sandra Weiss. As the neurologist explained in an interview with our editorial team, the corona pandemic has recently increased the trend towards an increasingly younger “age of entry”.
Adults use platforms like YouTube differently than children
On the one hand, smartphones mean accessibility, but they also present challenges for parents. One of adults’ biggest fears is that children will use the device too much. “They fear that children will become addicted, just glued to their cell phones and no longer respond,” explains Sandra Weiss. The expert also knows that “very few parents are familiar with the content their children may come into contact with”. In her work, she often encounters elementary school children “who can no longer sleep well and have nightmares because they saw ‘something bad’ on the Internet.”
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How do children consume content on the Internet that they should not have contact with? As Weiss explains, even young children consume videos on YouTube, although according to the terms of use, the platform is actually only aimed at users aged 16 and over. “In fact, you can watch thousands and thousands of video clips of intense horror and violence on YouTube. Pornographic content is easily accessible through the browser, but also videos of torture and execution, as well as content that is sometimes prohibited by law”, says Sandra. Weiss, pointing out dangerous content on the Internet. This same content is also “repeatedly and carelessly posted in class chats and then reproduced at immense speed.”
The consequences are obvious: with just one click, children can find content that traumatizes them out of pure curiosity or desire to belong – a danger that parents are often not aware of, as they are often unaware of these chat groups.
How parents should react when children trust each other
Because adults use platforms like YouTube or WhatsApp differently than children, they often have no idea what children might experience there. From conversations with parents and children, Sandra Weiss repeatedly learns that parents often only become aware of their children’s worries and fears when they “can no longer sleep and can trust their parents.”
It is not the norm for children to open up to their parents in these cases. When a child is confronted with this type of content on the Internet for the first time, they are not only shocked, but also feel ashamed of their parents. In the digital expert’s experience, the guilty conscience of having consumed prohibited content often leads to “children not opening up at all or only opening up late”. The fear of a cell phone ban is very great.
Read too: Turning on airplane mode at night: why it’s not a good idea
Banning cell phones as an educational measure?
So is banning the use of cell phones, at least temporarily, the right move? Weiss’ answer here is clear: no. His plea to parents is: “Never take your smartphone away from your children if they trust you because of inappropriate content.” As the family coach knows, with this measure there is a risk that children will not open up to adults a second time. Instead, it needs to be a matter of building trust rather than punishing: “Parents need to convey to their children that they will not be punished if they encounter prohibited content online,” says Sandra Weiss.
Children must trust their parents – and vice versa. Therefore, Sandra Weiss recommends rules for using smartphones. She advises parents not to immediately give their children the smartphone, but rather to hand it over or lend it until they verify that their children are adhering to the previously established rules of engagement. The expert suggests that a parent-child media contract could come into play at this point. In addition to defining rules for using smartphones, it is also important to provide information. “Early information about disturbing content and topics such as cybergrooming or cyberbullying is essential”, highlights Sandra Weiss.
Smartphones aren’t just addictive to kids
According to the digital trainer, it is difficult for a child to learn how to use a smartphone alone. In his opinion, “intensive preparation and support from adults is necessary, for example through technical measures to establish time limits”. This advice meets the aforementioned concern among parents regarding their children’s use of cell phones: the fear that children will spend too much time in front of the screen – an aspect in which Weiss calls on adults to serve as role models. Because: “Smartphones are very powerful and are not just addictive to children.”
It’s not about control, it’s about protection
Even though trust is the axis of communication between parents and children, according to Sandra Weiss, it is important to introduce adults to the apps that keep their children in front of screens. Although adults and children may have some of the same apps installed on their smartphones, they are used in fundamentally different ways.
Parents are often not aware of what apps are and the risks they pose. Because “many apps are designed in such a way that they are used very frequently by children due to various app mechanisms,” explains the trainer and adds: “Parents who are digitally literate are not automatically media literate.”
To protect children from possible dangers or prohibited content online, mutual trust is essential. While adults should be concerned about how their children use the Internet, they, in turn, need to understand that parental usage rules “are not useless bans or restrictions,” says Sandra Weiss.
The sooner parents begin to explain to their children that it is not about control, but rather protection, the more trust can be built. Because, as the expert knows, the following applies in both the digital and analog world: “The best protection for children and young people is reliable communication between children and parents”.
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About the interlocutor
- Miss Doctor. Sandra Weiss is a digital coach and neurologist who, along with other digital coaches, teaches media skills and safety to children. As part of training days in schools, educational institutions and companies, children, parents and teachers are prepared for a shared and responsible use of social media.
Updated May 4, 2022, 1:59 pm
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