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International Tennis Hall of Famer and ESPN analyst Pam Shriver revealed Wednesday that she was in an “inappropriate and harmful relationship” with her “much older” coach that began when she was 17 and he was 50 old was.
Shriver opened up about her relationship with trainer Don Candy and the “painful and emotional journey” she’s been through in a first-person report published by the Daily Telegraph.
Shriver said she was guided by Candy, who served as her coach and companion when she began playing on the tour in 1978 at the age of 15. Under Candy, she reached the US Open final as a 16-year-old amateur, eventually losing to Chris Evert in straight sets. But in 1979, in the midst of a difficult stretch in tennis without a win in five months, she told Candy she was “falling in love” with him — despite their 33-year age difference.
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Candy died in 2020 at the age of 91.
NSW Women’s Tennis Open semi-finals at White City.Pam Shriver (R) and her coach Don Candy (L) hope the rain will hold off until after their match. December 5, 1980. (Photo by Antonin Cermak/Fairfax Media via Getty Images)
“I still have conflicting feelings about Don. Yes, he and I were involved in a long and improper affair. Yes, he cheated on his wife. But there was a lot about him that was honest and authentic. And I loved him. ‘ Shriver wrote. “Nevertheless, he was the adult here. He should have been the trusted adult. In another world, he would have found a way to keep things professional. Only after the therapy did I feel a little less responsible. Now, finally, I’ve realized that what happened is on him.”
Over the next five years, Shriver said “everything became blurry as boundaries were crossed” as the relationship began to get physical. She said they had sex when she was 20.
“We shared rooms. We’ve done pretty much everything else two people who are attracted to each other can do,” Shriver said.
Shriver admitted that Candy never sexually abused her, although she did state that there was emotional abuse.
“I felt so many terrible feelings and felt so alone,” she wrote. “The worst would be my anger and jealousy when his wife came to tournaments. In fact, Elaine was very nice. I don’t think she ever knew what was going on. If she did, she kept it to herself, and we had to completely change how we lived together.”
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She described the relationship with Candy as a “traumatic experience” that affected her ability to form “normal” relationships after the time they spent together.
American tennis player Pam Shriver at the Virginia Slims of Newport Tennis Tournament, Newport, Rhode Island, July 1987. (Photo by Barbara Alper/Getty Images)
“Our affair shaped my entire experience of romantic life. It interfered with my ability to form normal relationships and set certain patterns that would repeat themselves: my enduring attraction to older men and my difficulty understanding how to maintain healthy boundaries,” she added.
Shriver, who won 21 Grand Slam doubles titles over the course of her successful tennis career, said she ended her relationship with Candy and looked for other coaches after the 1984 season at the age of 22.
“I actually continued to use Don as a coaching advisor because he was so insightful about my game. But neither he nor I have ever attempted to resuscitate anything – a mercy for which I will give credit to both sides,” she wrote.
Shriver said she decided to speak out publicly this week to shed light on abusive coaching relationships in tennis, which she argues still go “much further.”
“I believe that abusive coaching relationships in sport as a whole are alarmingly common. However, my particular expertise lies in tennis, where I have witnessed dozens of cases in my four and a half decades as a player and commentator. Every time I hear about a player dating their coach, or see a male physical therapist working on a female body at the gym, my alarm bells go off,” Shriver wrote.
Pam Shriver attends Day 5 of the 2016 US Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 2, 2016 in the borough of Queens in New York City. (Photo by Jean Catuffe/GC Images)
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“This is a widespread problem and we need a broad alliance if we are to tackle it. One of the most important organizations will be the International Tennis Federation because they organize the junior events. But everyone needs to come together – the WTA, the ATP and the four Grand Slams – to improve tennis’s protective practices,” she added. “My sensitivity to these issues only grows as my three children get into their late teens. I would like to protect them and their peers from the trauma of toxic relationships. And with it, from needing the kind of therapy I went through last year.”