By now, everyone is well acquainted with the details surrounding the trial and relationship between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Opinions were divided in favor of one star or another, but since Dr. Shannon Curry, a clinical and forensic psychologist who conducted a 12-hour assessment of Heard over the course of two days, people have been talking about personality disorders.
dr Curry diagnosed Amber Heard with two different personality disorders, borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. Both disorders have symptoms of exaggeration and fleeting mood swings, and some believe that BPD can sometimes become violent, but BPD by itself is not an indicator of violence. Curry testified as much in court and ignited the internet with further speculation, which unfortunately further stigmatizes people with these personality disorders.
Borderline personality disorder already carries such a deep stigma, even in the mental health community among therapists who either do not fully understand the disorder or prefer not to treat the disorder. To be clear, therapists have specialties and not every therapist is qualified to treat all disorders to the degree that specific disorders require. Personality disorders in general are often treated by people who specialize in personality disorders, but the stigma attached specifically to BPD is hard to overlook.
People living with BPD are often stigmatized as difficult, volatile, manipulative, and uncomfortable when around for long periods of time. The symptoms of the disorder may make this true for some people living with it, but borderline personality disorder is also a symptom in and of itself that isn’t talked about much. People with BPD are often people who have experienced abuse, trauma, or been neglected, abused, or abandoned by a parent, but genetic and environmental factors can also determine a predisposition to the condition. It’s important to look at what people call “manipulation” from a different perspective. In most cases of BPD and other personality disorders like histrionic personality disorder, people aren’t necessarily trying to manipulate, they’re trying to meet a need in ways that have worked in the past.
One of the most common symptoms of BPD is the fear of abandonment, and this fear can lead people to behave in ways that damage relationships in order to get people to stay. While the intent is to get people to stay, maladaptive behavior actually does the opposite, which in turn increases insecurity in relationships because another person has left. This can lead to more feelings of abandonment and depressive symptoms. These behaviors are often not committed out of defiance, but as an attempt to keep loved ones close. It can feel like a push-pull dynamic, and the person living with the disorder is just as torn, if not more so, than the people in their life. They want and deserve to be loved, respected, and valued just as much as everyone else.
While violence is not unheard of in people with personality disorders like BPD, it doesn’t mean that everyone with BPD is violent or prone to violent tenancies. Often, when we can step back and look at the person, where they’re from, and what they’ve been through, we can better understand how that particular person seeks validation and do our best to honor that intrinsic reason.
Abuse is never okay under any circumstances, and a mental illness like Heard’s has been diagnosed is no excuse for inflicting physical or emotional pain on anyone. Personality disorders can be treated with therapy, sometimes intensive therapy and medication to treat accompanying symptoms. There are areas of coping that need to be re-learned and thoughts that need to be challenged by a professional, but as a society we also need to re-learn some things about these disorders in order to stop the shame and rejection that comes with them can go hand in hand.
Like many other mental illnesses, personality disorders need to be destigmatized. No one asks about these disorders, just as no one wakes up and decides they are going to have an asthma attack. So it’s up to us as a society to increase our understanding of these conditions so that we can increase our empathy and enable people to speak openly about their healing pathways. As long as there is a deep stigma, the people who need the help most are less likely to seek it. We have to do better.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233 or create a safety plan online at thehotline.org.
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