In her podcast, Pulling The Thread, Elise Loehnen talks with Carrie Wilkens, a psychologist and author of Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, about what makes people actually change their behavior.
One way to facilitate change is to give yourself multiple paths that will lead you to achieving your goal.
“A menu of options is always helpful,” Wilkens tells Loehnen.
Many families and friends, with good intentions, tend to only offer one option when encouraging a person to quit a particular substance.
If you want your friend to stop drinking, you might suggest Alcoholics Anonymous—and you'll be disappointed when he stops drinking. But AA isn't the only tool that helps people stop drinking.
Instead of making them feel like a failure for not engaging in a particular program, present them with other ways they can achieve the same goal.
“Are you constantly thinking, 'Am I cornering my loved one or giving them multiple doors to walk through?'” Wilkens says. “Most people will always appreciate the multi-door option.”
The options menu is always helpful.
Carrie Wilkens
Psychologist and author of “Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change”
This strategy can be helpful when trying to keep your own resolutions.
Let's say your goal is to exercise more. Putting pressure on yourself to go to the gym five days a week is setting you up for failure.
Instead, give yourself options.
There are many ways to stay active, such as hiking or cycling or joining a hiking group without having to go to the gym. You're more likely to exercise if you explore multiple options rather than limiting yourself to just one.
If your goal is to save money and you know you'll spend a lot at restaurants, eating out seems like a good cost saver. But if it's an activity you really enjoy, you're unlikely to stop completely when the clock strikes midnight.
Create other options, such as cutting your restaurant budget by 30% or getting a part-time job and putting the winnings into a savings account, that will help you save money.
The more alternatives you give yourself, the more likely you are to stick to your resolutions this year.
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