Yesterday morning I heard the funniest joke I've ever heard in my life.
• Also read: A new $870 million roof for the Olympic Stadium
So funny it should be illegal.
Are you ready?
Do you wear an adult diaper to avoid dirtying your sofa?
Ok, here it is…
Yesterday the government announced it would pour $870 million into repairing the roof of the Olympic Stadium and the technical oval.
“But we promise it won’t cost any more!”
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Isn't it great?
When I heard that, I laughed so hard my bladder almost collapsed.
Not a cent more!
We swear it to you!
We respect the budget!
It will happen right on cue!
869 million 999 thousand 999 dollars and 99 cents!
Tin toé!
Third on it!
- Listen to the Martineau-Dutrizac meeting between Benoît Dutrizac and Richard Martineau QUB :
“A WINDOW TO HEAVEN”
Why are we preparing to invest another $870 million in this money pump?
Because it would cost too much to tear it down.
Quite a selling point, right?
That's like a man telling his wife that he's staying with her because it would be too expensive to divorce and pay her alimony…
Tell me about a man who knows how to talk to women, you!
Will the sound quality be better if we hold concerts in the stadium?
No, the reeds will still ring, but part of the roof will be transparent.
Will there be more atmosphere if we present baseball and soccer games in the stadium?
No, it will still be cold and impersonal, but part of the roof will be transparent.
“This signature feature will become the largest window to the sky in Montreal, allowing the enclosure to be flooded with natural light or offering the public a view of the starry night,” we were told.
Do you know what gives you light during the day and allows you to see stars at night?
Lie on your back in a park.
Cost for this magnificent window to heaven: zero cents.
Archive photo, Martin Chevalier
SMALL EXCESS
Do you know how much the entire Olympic facilities were originally supposed to cost?
I hope you haven't taken off your diaper: $178 million.
Not a cent more.
Final cost: more than two billion dollars.
Without forgetting the 870 million that we just added.
As said by this truck driver who hit a viaduct in Quebec in February 2023 because he forgot to lower his dumpster: “Oops.”
The velodrome (at the time the most modern in the world) was intended to transform every Montrealer into a cycling nut.
Today it serves as a refuge for penguins.
The stadium was intended to put East Montreal on the map.
The neighborhood continues to make Saint-Cyrille-de-Wendover look like Tokyo.
The only industry that has seen a boom thanks to the stadium is that of monster trucks.
“Yeah, but it’s fun, there are a lot of food trucks in front of the stadium in the summer.”
Three billion dollars to park trucks selling hot dogs and falafel?
Oh yes, it's a good deal!
Hey, we should add another billion to install two ice cream trailers!