Falling into the arms of Morpheus is one of the great problems of our society. Stress, rhythm of life and unhealthy habits are the main reasons why so many people suffer from occasional or chronic sleep disorders, which not only affects the lack of rest, but it affects the immune, cardiovascular, metabolic, muscle – and nervous system. In Western societies, it is common for couples to share a bed, which becomes a kind of symbol of a couple’s condition, commitment to the relationship and desire for shared intimacy. So when we talk about incompatibility problems, such as sleeping partners, relationships become weaker.
The dream divorce
What happens if the reason for the poor sleep quality, far from fears or problems, is the partner? “I am an ardent advocate of what I call ‘voluntary nighttime separation,’ which means couples sleep in separate rooms to ensure the sleep and rest so necessary in our daily lives. Sometimes we think that sleeping apart can ruin the relationship, but we should find other times during the day to show affection and affection to each other and have those moments of sex outside of bedtime when both members of the couple can be together. already tired from an intense day. When we talk about snoring, we must always rule out that the couple does not suffer from sleep apnea in order to treat it, since couples can continue to sleep together after treatment,” says Nuria Roure, a psychologist specializing in sleep disorders.
“When we don’t sleep well, our emotional state changes, that is, we are more irritable, more anxious, have more mood swings and are less empathetic and tolerant, and this usually affects the people closest to us: our children.” and Our partners. . I’m sure a lot of fights, fights, and even divorces are because we don’t sleep well. So let’s think: What can ruin the relationship if you don’t rest by sleeping together, with the negative consequences of the day, or sleeping separately at night after having emotional-sexual relationships and having a good relationship as a couple during the day?” , questions. “Sleeping for two is all well and good. In a micro-awakening, you roll over and find your partner, you hug and go back to sleep, the two of you together. If that is the case, there is no problem. The problem arises when reality is not so nice and it is better to sleep separately,” says Roure.
Given this idea, the so-called “sleep divorce” arises, which is chosen by couples who sleep in separate beds or even in different rooms to avoid sleep and therefore relationship problems. The Better Sleep Council’s Sleep and Partners Research 2023 study shows that the majority of those who are in a relationship and live with their partner say they sleep better together at night, but a quarter say they sleep better alone . Although sleeping with a partner can increase feelings of bonding and love, it can also negatively impact sleep quality, which can lead to relationship problems. By the way: Melania Trump and Donald Trump sleep in separate rooms, and according to the biography Elizabeth the Queen: The Life of a Modern Monarch, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip slept separately, which is quite common in the British aristocracy, as Lady Pamela Hicks explained , the prince’s cousin, in Woman and Home: “In England, the upper classes have always had separate bedrooms,” she said.
Selfishness? to sleep well
There are also proponents of the Scandinavian method of sharing a mattress but with two different duvets. “Sleeping in bed with another person doesn’t magically turn us into some kind of two-headed monster. We are still two individuals. It is liberating to remember this fact. “It’s easy to assume that everyone only uses one duvet, because that’s what we’ve always seen,” say the creators of Scandinavia Standard, a website that explains the benefits of the Scandinavian lifestyle and defends the strength of each partner’s quilt.
“The bed is a very important space for intimacy and for a couple, and therefore, due to the cultural standard we set for ourselves, but most importantly, separate blankets or duvets can jeopardize that feeling of unity or intimacy.” When sleeping The main thing is to achieve a good rest. Sleeping is the most selfish thing you can do. And we know that when one partner in a relationship doesn’t sleep well one night, they lack empathy, argue more, and have more negative feelings toward their partner the next day. This is not a recipe for a happy relationship. When you sleep, make your sleep a priority! The rest of the time, you should prioritize your relationship,” Neil Stanley, author of “How To Sleep Well,” tells Refinery29.
Raquel Marín Cruzado, author of Nourish Sleep for a Healthy Brain, points out that it is important to take into account that the temperature of the cabin, the type of mattress or even the type of pillow may not be compatible between two people sleeping together . “When we talk about incompatible schedules, it’s even more important to respect chronotypes, especially for people who have night jobs. The mere fact of working in the evening hours increases sleep disorders. Add to this the obstruction caused by light or hearing pollution during the phases of deep sleep, and insomnia results and thus a significant deterioration in mood and general quality of life. This also affects libido, so we can end up in a vicious cycle of worsening relationship quality,” he says. “When I talk about this with my students in my Finally Sleep program, I always recommend that they and their partner agree on a time to go to bed together to have that “cuddly” moment once that moment is over, the person with a more nighttime chronotype or schedule gets out of bed and the other person with a more morning schedule stays in bed to be able to sleep,” says Nuria Roure.
In short, to have a good night, you may not always have to do it as a couple. Will the spoon’s days be numbered?