Having friends is useful in life, it is an emotional support, mutual help and appreciation. But friendship can sometimes be a double-edged sword and prove toxic when expectations on both sides are not identical.
Stéphanie and Laurence met at the beginning of their freshman year. “We started chatting at the end of an English lesson and we never left each other,” said Laurence, 25. Stéphanie is a very intense girl who demands a lot of attention. She was talkative and playful, but also had a dark side. Laughter and tears were never far away.
As the months went by, Laurence felt that their relationship was faltering. “I don’t know if it was jealousy, but there was always something wrong with Stephanie. She would call me regularly in tears and I would drive my car to her house to cheer her up. Sometimes I felt like she was alone in the world and that I had to take care of her. I spent a lot of time with her without being able to see my boyfriend or my other friends.
Moreover, when Laurence didn’t reply or say she had something else, her friend didn’t hesitate to sulk and not tell her for several days. “My friend has started opening my eyes. Little by little I realized that she was trying to lock me into an exclusive relationship, she was preventing me from doing what I wanted. We saw each other at the university, in the evenings and every weekend.
Realizing that this relationship was toxic for her, Laurence stopped responding to all messages from Stephanie, stopped coming to her rescue when she left him tearful messages. “In the end, I decided to change majors because the course I was enrolled in with her didn’t really appeal to me. Stephanie took it very badly and overnight she stopped talking, calling and texting me. She even deleted me from her Facebook friends. I found it harsh and unfair.”
Oddly enough, despite knowing this relationship was going nowhere, Laurence experienced a kind of friendship pang. “It’s crazy because I knew this friendship was going to end, but the fact that it came from her got me on a spiral. It was hard for me to get out of his grip because I was thinking about it all the time.” Luckily, Laurence was well surrounded and a vacation with her lover allowed her to move on.
Sylvain and Annie met at her place of work. Both of French origin, the connection is strong. “We started getting together regularly for drinks and food together, my spouse, her and I,” Sylvain explained in an interview. She was single and needed love. She lived alone in a small apartment and her landlord wasn’t exactly nice to her. Sylvain invests in this friendly relationship by regularly inviting Annie over to the cottage for dinner or weekends. “It was a one-sided relationship. Then she allegedly developed health problems. Sometimes she had celiac disease, sometimes she had irritable bowel syndrome. She couldn’t eat something like that one day, then the next week it was something else. One month she drank only red wine and the next month only white wine.” Of course, the menus had to be adapted to his condition, which changed regularly.
“I lived well, but she never shared the costs. She never gave gifts to my spouse or to me. Eventually I realized that she didn’t bring me anything in life, that she’d become more of a drag.” Sylvain ended this relationship by canceling his attendance at Annie’s birthday party at the last minute when he had to bring the champagne. He replied never return their calls.
In a friendship, like in a romantic relationship, you need to set your boundaries and express them. If you often feel put down that communication is difficult, you need to talk about it with the other person and not get smothered.
It’s often difficult to let go of someone you loved and sometimes still love, but the goal is to make time for yourself. do what you really want Finally, avoid going to places where you might meet your boyfriend and try to meet new people.