Trinny Woodall has spoken out about her ex-husband’s suicide, saying it’s hard to understand how someone who is so concerned about his children’s wellbeing convinces himself that they are better off without him.
Beauty entrepreneur and former TV presenter Trinny said she was only able to mourn Johnny Elichaoff six months ago – eight years after his death – when her daughter Lyla walked out of the house, leaving her alone.
Johnny, who also had a son Zak from a previous relationship, took his own life in 2014 at the age of 55.
Although he was known to have suffered a series of failed oil investments before his death, Trinny said he experienced such turmoil that he was convinced his children would be better off without him – despite his hypervigilance over their well-being.
The former What Not To Wear presenter, 59, whose business with Trinny London is worth £180million, told Diary on a CEO podcast on Monday: “Johnny was extremely vigilant with his children because he had been in the Israeli army and was a medic.”
Emotional: Trinny Woodall spoke out about her ex-husband’s suicide, saying it was hard to understand how someone so concerned about the welfare of his children would end her life
Devastating: Trinny said she was only able to mourn Johnny Elichaoff (pictured) six months ago – eight years after his death – when her daughter Lyla left the house
“And it left him with post-traumatic stress disorder, which wasn’t diagnosed until about 20 years later.”
“But one of the things is also hypervigilance towards his children, which is why he was always so concerned about their well-being.”
“When you’re so worried about your children, you have this thing in your brain where you go to convince yourself that the best thing for your children, who you love deeply, is for you to be. “ no longer in your life?
“And that’s something that’s so important, that we can help people who end up in this situation – so that they don’t end up in the latter part of this situation.”
“It’s about understanding what you’re supposed to recognize, and it’s very difficult to recognize.” I didn’t recognize it. There were a lot of details that could have really upset me and things that were done wrong. But somehow you have to let go.
“You have to work through these phases and not get stuck in something that consumes you.”
She added: “Any person who has had someone commit suicide will at some point ask themselves, ‘Could I have done anything to prevent the suicide?’
Johnny’s death came after the couple’s divorce, but Trinny said they remained so close that they still spoke to each other every day until his death – but it took her eight years to grieve.
Hard to process: Trinny said he was going through such turmoil that he was convinced his children would be better off without him – despite his hypervigilance over their well-being
Tragic: Johnny, who also had a son Zak from a previous relationship, took his own life in 2014 at the age of 55
She said: “We spoke on the phone every day. It took me a long time to grieve because when he died he left a mess that I had to somehow deal with.
“So it keeps you busy, not just thinking about what you miss about someone.” You focus on what you need to do and then go on autopilot.
“Probably strangely, I moved in March and that was the first time I can remember Lyla leaving and it was the first time in 35 years that I was alone in the house. And all these years later I mourned Johnny.’
She added, “I suppose you need space.” He died, there was chaos, then the company was formed, I lived in a house I couldn’t afford, I had to sell it for many reasons, one of them for this reason.
“There were so many types of fires that I had to deal with – I was trying to get Lyla to be okay.” So there were many years of that.
Moving: Trinny was close to tears as she spoke about her former husband’s death on YouTube podcast Diary of a CEO
“And then another life change where I just decided to live on my own and then was raised to just feel something that I hadn’t actually allowed myself to feel.”
“Sometimes in life we know that in this part of life we are not strong enough to feel that feeling and move forward, and we need to be in the right situation and give ourselves the air to breathe to experience the fullness of that feeling to be able to feel without judgment or guilt or regret.’
She said what she felt at the time was: “There was nothing better in anyone than the goodness of Johnny – and I missed it.”
“It’s eight years later, but things take time,” she added.
Trinny and Johnny married in 1999 after meeting in rehab before divorcing in 2009. Her daughter Lyla is now 19.