Vera
Death in paradise
The funny thing about Christmas TV is that you get the leftovers first. Only when the rest of the shows are done can we finally enjoy the good stuff.
When it comes to eating, the opposite rule applies. By now there might be enough turkey left for a round of sandwiches, but otherwise it's cold pigs in stale blankets and the remains of some strange wine someone won in a raffle. And the only things left in the Quality Street box are toffee pennies.
This is nature's way of telling us that it's almost time for a detox.
But the television programs work the other way around. For weeks we've been served things that no one really wants… reruns of the 2021 end-of-year quizzes, a look behind the doors of a Christmas stocking factory and that sort of thing.
The tasty stuff has just begun and is expected to last well into the new year. As the BBC and ITV compete with their most popular detectives with feature-length specials, the main question has been which one to watch first.
Brenda Blethyn as DCI Vera Stanhope in ITV's Vera Christmas Special
Blethyn may have to wait a while for her next invitation to This Morning, as the plot of this episode is quite reminiscent of the recent ITV Philip Schofield scandal, in which the murder victim was a presenter of a TV show that was suspended over sexual allegations Harassment was suspended
Brenda Blethyn was in great sullen form as DCI Stanhope in Vera (ITV1). She didn't go so far as to stammer, “Humbug!” But the way she tossed a handful of greeting cards to her team made it clear she had no desire to play Santa Claus.
On the holy island of Lindisfarne, a murder occurred at a meeting of old school friends. “On foot” was the key word – Vera spotted a muddy boot print on the bedsheets, and since the body was barefoot, the print must belong to the murderer.
Apparently our sleazy detective was dealing with an unscrupulous murderer. Murder is bad enough, but standing on a holiday home bed in dirty rubber boots is truly criminal. Even a five-star rating on Tripadvisor cannot excuse this.
Vera's boss went into turmoil over the investigation and announced that the victim was the host of a TV magazine show called “Morning Sunrise” who had been suspended over allegations of sexual harassment by a young trainee at the studio.
Given ITV's embarrassment over the Phillip Schofield scandal, this storyline seemed pretty close. Brenda, a popular guest on the This Morning sofa in the past, may have to wait a while for her next invite.
As is often the case, Holy Island offered a spectacular backdrop. It wasn't long ago that Jim Moir and his wife Nancy Sorrell were bird watching there while Matt Baker was spending a weekend on the island with his parents. I've seen so much of it that I'm starting to feel like I've been to Lindisfarne myself in the caravan.
Death in Paradise (BBC1) got off to a dreary start in Woking with an unnecessarily complicated plot twist
The fictional Caribbean island of Saint Marie might seem like a sunnier choice for a holiday, but Death In Paradise (BBC1) got off to a dreary start in Woking.
Luckily, Bronagh Waugh as digital marketing guru Debbie soon packed her suitcase, followed by her idle boyfriend Dave (Youssef Kerkour) when he learned that Debbie had disappeared.
The twist was that the killer had to eliminate both Dave and Debbie so he could break into their Surrey home and steal a valuable vase. This seems unnecessarily complicated: normally Dave was so engrossed in video games that he wouldn't have noticed if the movers had cleared the room as long as they left him with the PlayStation.
Doon Mackichan enjoyed a saucy role as DI Neville Parker's mother, splashing herself with rum and throwing a French accent at every man. It seems like a shame to get a role in Death In Paradise and not be at least suspected of murder, but she'll definitely be back.
I also hope that Leila Khan will be there as the chatterbox Riley. This show is always at its best when there's a naive and weird wannabe detective on the team. More Riley, please.