Viola Davis recalled a teacher who was the “face of compassion and empathy” in her youth, a time when the actress felt embarrassed and shamed by others because her family lacked resources.
During Oprah + Viola: A Netflix Special Event, the Oscar winner spoke about the various difficulties she faced growing up when her family lived in poor conditions, including a house infested with rats and no utilities like gas or electricity. Davis admitted she knew she was poor growing up, describing the house with “the plaster that peeled off the walls and was always hungry.”
Davis’ hygiene also became a painful source of understanding her own circumstances, she told Oprah Winfrey, including one day when she and her sister Deloris were called into the school office because of her “smell,” something she “didn’t know.” what to do.”
“I think people automatically assume you’re just dressing up. Well, not if nobody shows you,” she explained. “Often we didn’t have any soap. Often we didn’t even have clean clothes.”
The actress went on to explain that her family hand washed her clothes, but that would mean they would either have to hang them outside — where icicles could form on them due to the cold — or indoors, where they wouldn’t always dry completely.
“If they’re not dry the next day, they’re wet, but if you’re not clean by then, you put on wet clothes,” Davis recalled. “People don’t know that you have to find out for yourself if nobody shows you, and I didn’t have the tools to find out for myself. Then I felt ashamed that I didn’t have the tools to find out for myself. All I had, all I could do, was swim in shame.”
During a period when the family was living without gas or electricity during a Rhode Island winter, the film and television star said she and her family left home and were spotted by one of her school teachers. As she approached, she asked Davis’ mother why she hadn’t been to school, after which her mother explained the extent of her distress – including frozen pipes and starvation.
“She had tears in her eyes and touched our faces and said, ‘I’m so sorry, Mrs. Davis. I am so sorry. You let us know what we can do for you,'” shared the First Lady star.
That support consisted of calling Davis into the office and giving her a “bag full of the most beautiful dresses passed down from her daughter” — an act of generosity that was like giving her “jewels.”
“When you’re faced with compassion and empathy, it’s amazing how it kills shame,” Davis said. “Because you’re being seen, and for something far more valuable than your circumstances.”
In the special, Davis speaks openly to Oprah about other elements of her childhood that she addresses in her memoir Finding Me, including growing up with an abusive alcoholic father as well as being sexually abused in her home. Speaking to the latter, the SAG and Tony winner addressed the culture of how girls are casually sexualized, endure harassment and even abuse.
“You know, it’s just not that dirty old man down the street who wanted to give you a quarter but then wanted a kiss? Nobody knows the limits of little girls, especially back then,” Davis said. “So if a guy said, ‘Give me a kiss,’ someone would say, ‘Oh, give him a kiss. It’s not a big deal.’ Or someone leaves you with a male babysitter because that male babysitter is a family friend, and then your parents go out and leave you alone.”
Davis added, “You think nothing of it. We didn’t have social media back then where people were talking about statistics on how many girls are being abused.”
Beginning their discussion, Davis opened up about why she chose to talk about these topics and more in the memoir, and what prompted her decision to write the book. It was a decision “exacerbated” by the pandemic but prompted her to “reach the top.” It was a time when she felt she knew the purpose of her life. Instead, she had feelings of exhaustion, of cheaters coming into her life when it came to friendships, of people pushing their limits, and of people making her feel like a commodity.
“I just knew it wasn’t,” she recalled of her trajectory. “So the question is, ‘Viola, what is that?’ What is home for you and how do you get there? I didn’t know the answer to that. The only thing I could think of was to go back to the beginning of my story, because I think when you tell your story over and over again, you hear it and you’re like, ‘okay, how did I get into this? here?'”