“I was ashamed of my aggressive sexuality when I was drunk. It didn't look like me. And after waking up with gaps, I tortured myself with thinking about the terrible things I could have done or said. My mind was in an endless loop of what scared me the most,” writes Sarah Hepola in Lagunas. Memoirs of an Alcoholic, a book in which she tells how alcohol became part of her rights as a strong and progressive woman in the 20th century. XXI, whose price is, yes, erasing most of his memories. The author explains how drinking helped her develop sexual relationships with a fictional and renewed confidence. “Alcohol helped. I think it helped. In my fortress of empty cans, I was safe from fear and criticism. The alcohol relaxed my hips and opened my fists, and after years of tugging at the hem, the feeling of freedom was incredible. But it came at a price. I often woke up with gaps.”
As the Ministry of Health notes in the EDADES 2022 survey on the consumption of alcohol and other drugs in Spain, intensive alcohol consumption among the Spanish population between 15 and 64 years old has decreased by 2.7 percentage points compared to 2020, from 19.4%. to 16.7% in 2022. But at Christmas, toasts skyrocket and with them not only family conversations, but also sexual experiences dipped in alcohol. Disinhibition, risks and fewer orgasms.
Associating a glass of wine (or several) with dates is so common that society has made alcohol an important part of romantic encounters, and many people, feeling a certain sense of escapism, freedom and false security, choose alcohol as the last consider and practically obligatory drink before sex. “Sex has become the logical extension of the party. And so it goes; fucking terrible. Because alcohol disinhibits us and takes away our complexes. Technically sex is worse, but emotionally it is less dangerous,” explains Bob Pop to S Moda, who published an essay “Como las grecas” in 2024, in which he examines the way we drink in social settings.
“Culturally, we associate socializing with drinking, so we limit our planning options when it comes to meeting someone. Plus, it's much easier to deal with the feelings that can come with meeting someone. Not knowing what to ask, uncomfortable silences, or expectations about how we should feel. “A date is surrounded by uncertainty and although drinking makes us more fun and more uninhibited, it deprives us of the opportunity to face the situation with what we really feel,” adds Lucía Jiménez, sexologist in the Diversual team.
By reducing inhibitions, alcohol can make us believe that sexual desire has increased, when in reality it paradoxically weakens the central nervous system, slowing heart rate and blood flow and also reducing sensitivity, making it difficult to get it upset. That means excessive intake can impair the brain's ability to process sexual stimuli and coordinate muscle contractions, which are crucial to the orgasm response. “At a 'real' dose, which would be no more than two drinks, the feeling of high self-esteem and disinhibition during interaction highlights the positive side of developing interpersonal relationships that can lead to sexual relationships. In fact, appropriate alcohol consumption would not be entirely harmful in people who have difficulty establishing interpersonal relationships and are very shy,” explains doctor Francisco Gómez León, andrologist and expert in erectile dysfunction and impotence. “On the whole, and contrary to the myth that alcohol stimulates sexual relationships, alcohol consumption can significantly reduce libido in women and promote erectile dysfunction in men, which is related to the amount of alcohol consumed before sexual intercourse. ” he says.
To this information we must add that alcohol affects judgment and decision-making and may lead to unsafe sexual situations. “Alcohol shuts down the prefrontal cortex, which organizes, plans and reasons our decisions. Alcohol can cause us to make decisions we wouldn't make sober and ignore our value system. It can also be difficult for us to pay attention and therefore retain information and then remember what happened. We must understand that inhibitions have the function of protecting us and that balance allows us to relax without running,” warns Lucía Jiménez.
Another problem with alcohol as it relates to dating and sex is that it can cause people to make poor decisions, and is there a trickier decision than losing your head at the company dinner, a moment when it's not all about yourself? Image at stake, but livelihood? As can be seen from Gleeden's application, it is not surprising that the festive and informal atmosphere that characterizes the dinners and parties organized by the company at Christmas provides the perfect setting for adventures between colleagues. 68% of men and 32% of women have used the company's Christmas dinner to flirt with their office colleague, who without these extra toasts would have been relegated to the so-called office group of ten, platonic idylls without hangovers, regrets and Feelings of guilt.
Although dating while sober is very difficult for some people, a Hinge study concluded that three out of four people who date on the app prefer not to drink alcohol on their first meeting. Abstainers are regularly confronted with real interrogations at meetings. They order a non-alcoholic drink. This is what Lucía (41 years old), producer and publicist, who stopped drinking at the age of 35, tells us. “Every time I meet, I have to explain why I stopped drinking on practically every date. I experience a kind of interrogation on every date because I meet for a drink and 100% of the time the other person automatically orders something with alcohol. There are some complaints because they accuse me of being sober when he drinks… Are they so low in self-confidence that they have to keep my drinking to a level where they are intimate? “I've actually never liked having sex while drunk. I've only drunk alcohol a few times in my life, so I've never had a blackout. “I always make it clear that the way I like sex the most is completely sober, without any chemical stimulus,” he clarifies.
More and more people are choosing a sober lifestyle that prioritizes well-being and mental clarity. But during the holidays, in addition to the Christmas lights, there are also the nights that are flooded with too many drinks, in which sex should produce as little as possible. Memories like orgasms are constantly present.