Whether you give it a puff or not, there’s an annual marijuana holiday – and people all over the world celebrate cannabis.
So since many weed enthusiasts celebrate 20.04. To mark this – the vaguest of all unofficial holidays – we bring you an awesome list of “stonehead” styles that suit each zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Aries isn’t a huge stoner, but has a long list of other things – including but not limited to bridges, family members, and incriminating evidence – that they’d rather burn.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Willie Nelson is a Taurus. Taurus is weed. I drop my case.
TWINS (May 21 – June 20)
Unable to decide on a strand or ingestion method, Gemini does it all at once and is found days later in a snorkeling mask teaching her dog Morse code.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Cancer eats weed brownies in bed because being catatonic under a crumb-filled bed sheet is a dream come true for moon children of all ages.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Leo uses pot leaves, which they absolutely didn’t grow, to tastefully cover the crotch and nipples for their Instagram thirst catcher, which they tagged #cottonmouth.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgos grow their own because they distrust pesticides and are suspicious of others.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Surprise, the tasteful centerpiece of Libra is actually a limited edition glass blown bong made by a blindfolded shaman.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio gets high alone, always in the dark, always with velvet, and only when the grass is sprinkled with the ashes of his ex-boyfriends and elders.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius gets stoned and uses diamond pattern sock puppets to reenact the conflicting philosophies of Plato and Aristotle to the amusement of absolutely no one.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Always enterprising, Capricorn owns or is a partner in a pharmacy, but does not smoke because it hinders productivity.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius lives in an unmarked basement apartment on a dip-n’-dot diet, saving air for a chance to get stoned in a zero-gravity chamber.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces gets inadvisably high and watches classic movies up close, regularly licking the screen and imagining they can taste the secrets and secret shame of the stars.
Astrology 101: Your Guide to the Stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle irreverently researches and reports on planetary configurations and their impact on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experiences. She is also an accomplished writer who has portrayed a variety of artists and performers and extensively documented her travel experiences. Among the many fascinating topics she has covered are graveyard etiquette, her love of pubs, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girl guide” to strip clubs, and the “weirdest” foods available overseas.